is anyone drunk??

if your drunk u gotta tell a joke ........ lets all av a laugh x

24 Comments

What is the difference between a blonde and “The Titanic”?
They know how many men went down on “The Titanic”

Original Poster

coff101;5360633

What is the difference between a blonde and “The Titanic”?They know how ma … What is the difference between a blonde and “The Titanic”?They know how many men went down on “The Titanic”



and.. are u drunk?

im drunk... but i cant post my jokes here. I'd get the death penalty. ]Fun

Love the comments at the "bottom" too.

Original Poster

Jed Maxwell;5360654

im drunk... but i cant post my jokes here. I'd get the death penalty. … im drunk... but i cant post my jokes here. I'd get the death penalty. ]FunLove the comments at the "bottom" too.



comments at the bottom??? im drunk... explain x

Two goldfish in a tank

One says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"

What have ricky hatton and gary glitter got in common??

On second thoughts.. nvm

grex9101;5360670

Two goldfish in a tankOne says to the other "how do you drive this … Two goldfish in a tankOne says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"



lmao thats rubbish.. but I laughed. Not sure if it was the drink making me laugh or not... Ill have to read again in the morning..

Original Poster

ceira*freya;5360666

comments at the bottom??? im drunk... explain x



ha ha ha ha ha ha fell on potato my **** lmfao

2 muffins in an oven, one says to the other "Oh my God, it's hot in here", the other reply's "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN".

Teacher draws a p enis on the blackboard.
"Does anyone know what that is?"
Yes says Tommy my dad has two. A small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth. :whistling:

richp;5360770

Teacher draws a p enis on the blackboard."Does anyone know what that is?" … Teacher draws a p enis on the blackboard."Does anyone know what that is?" Yes says Tommy my dad has two. A small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth. :whistling:



lol

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter.

A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

One more then off for a bit of COD4

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Original Poster

little boy catches his ma and pa having sex.... the boy says ...mammy why are you bouncing on daddys tummy???...

mam says oh im just trying to get daddys beer belly flat

little boy says ... but mammy your wasting your time cos the babysitter just blows it back up again :-D

Original Poster

coff101;5360731

2 muffins in an oven, one says to the other "Oh my God, it's hot in … 2 muffins in an oven, one says to the other "Oh my God, it's hot in here", the other reply's "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN".



im drunk and dont get that im sorry im thick and drunk lol

ceira*freya;5360920

little boy catches his ma and pa having sex.... the boy says ...mammy why … little boy catches his ma and pa having sex.... the boy says ...mammy why are you bouncing on daddys tummy???...mam says oh im just trying to get daddys beer belly flatlittle boy says ... but mammy your wasting your time cos the babysitter just blows it back up again :-D



LOL :-D

A Chicken and an egg lying in Bed. Chicken pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and says, " Well that answers that question"

Wish i was drunk oh well two weeks time ill be battered and in 107. Whoo!

Patient wakes up. Doctor says, " I've got some good news and some bad news"
Patient says, " Whats the good news?"
Doctor, " We managed to save your testicles"
Patient says, " That's great, I was really worried about that.... but whats the bad news?"
Doctor replies, " They're in a little bag under your pillow"

RuthIess;5360964

Wish i was drunk oh well two weeks time ill be battered and in 107. Whoo!



aright mate wheres 107?
did u like that blu ray

what do you call a scotsman that is almost home, but not quite?????


hamish!!!

BIGBAWBAG;5361040

what do you call a scotsman that is almost home, but not … what do you call a scotsman that is almost home, but not quite?????hamish!!!



That is guaranteed to go over the heads of ~90% of the people on here...

haha hamish

jonb2412;5360953

A Chicken and an egg lying in Bed. Chicken pulls the cigarette out of his … A Chicken and an egg lying in Bed. Chicken pulls the cigarette out of his mouth and says, " Well that answers that question"



LOL Very good, appealed to my sense of humour. :thumbsup:
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