It's Sunday ................. Just like that .......................................

    Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

    I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

    Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

    Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

    A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age. 'The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well. '

    'You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine. 'So that was nice.'

    A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
    The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'

    A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
    The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'

    I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

    Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners

    'So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?'
    And a voice said, 'You are.'

    'So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said ' Is that the local swimming baths?' He said ' It depends where you're calling from.'

    I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind' ,
    so he gave me a kite.

    I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
    So I went, and I got it.'

    I was in the attic the other day with the wife. Damp and dusty.........but she's great with the kids!

    So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house'. He said 'I'm not stopping you.'


    Stop It!

    Original Poster

    Some more Tommy Cooper Jokes - Two liners..............

    A man goes into the doctors. The doctor says, 'Go over to the window and stick your tongue out.'
    Man says, Why? The doctor says, 'I don't like my neighbours'


    Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.
    The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.


    Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought ' This is unusual' .
    And the dentist said to me ' Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet. '


    Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
    Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.


    So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said, 'You've been promoted. 'And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said, 'You've been promoted again. 'And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said ' you're managing director. 'And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said ' What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.


    'Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home.
    'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'.

    'Is it common?'
    'It's not unusual.'

    Tommy Cooper-the man is a legend, and Les Dawson:w00t:

    Original Poster


    Tommy Cooper-the man is a legend, and Les Dawson:w00t:

    So I went to the dentist.
    He said, 'Say Aaah. 'I said, 'Why?' He said, 'My dog's died.'


    So I went to the dentist. He said, 'Say Aaah. 'I said, 'Why?' He said, … So I went to the dentist. He said, 'Say Aaah. 'I said, 'Why?' He said, 'My dog's died.'

    I went to the vets and he said, 'I am sorry, I will need to put your dog down',
    'Why, is he poorly/'
    'No, he's bloody heavy'

    One of my faves:p

    lol these jokes are great

    Stop! My Brain Hurts

    love the corner shop one

    lol, the 2 kids one was good, and the corner one, nice one

    lol love em all

    some old but funny
    Post a comment
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