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    In a small midwestern conservative town, there wasn't a place to get a drink for miles around, so a local entrepreneur saw an opportunity: He started to build a tavern.
    Liking a "dry" town, the local church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. The businessman was polite when congregants came to protest, but work continued on the tavern.
    But the night before the grand opening, a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.
    The church folks were rather smug in their piousness after that -- until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
    The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.
    At the first hearing, the judge held up the paperwork and took in the lawyers and both sides of the lawsuit to one side.
    "I don't know how I'm going to decide this," the judge said, "but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner that believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't

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    Whilst out in the garden with his mom and dad little Johnny steps on a butterfly and kills it. "Right, no more butter for a week for you now" says his dad. The next week Johnny steps on a bee and again kills it. "Right no more honey for a week for you Johnny" says Dad.
    The week after his mom is in the basement and steps on a cockroach, once more it is dead.
    Johnny looks up at his father, "are you going to tell her or am I" says Johnny.

    greg_68;7611359

    Whilst out in the garden with his mom and dad little Johnny steps on a … Whilst out in the garden with his mom and dad little Johnny steps on a butterfly and kills it. "Right, no more butter for a week for you now" says his dad. The next week Johnny steps on a bee and again kills it. "Right no more honey for a week for you Johnny" says Dad. The week after his mom is in the basement and steps on a cockroach, once more it is dead.Johnny looks up at his father, "are you going to tell her or am I" says Johnny.




    love it

    Both good! Have cheered me up

    Defence Attorney:
    Will you please state your age?

    Little old Lady:
    I'm 71 years old.

    Defence Attorney:
    Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?

    Little Old Lady:
    There I was, sitting there in my swing on the front porch on a warm spring evening,
    When a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you know him?

    Little old lady:
    No, but he sure was friendly.

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened after he sat down?

    Little Old Lady:
    He started to rub my thigh.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you stop him?

    Little Old Lady:
    No, I didn't stop him.

    Defence Attorney:
    Why not?

    Little Old Lady:
    It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened next?

    Little Old Lady:
    He began to rub my breasts.

    Defence Attorney:
    Did you stop him?

    Little Old Lady:
    No I didn't stop him.

    Defence Attorney:
    Why not?

    Little Old Lady:
    His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years.

    Defence Attorney:
    What happened next?

    Little Old Lady:
    Well, by then, I was feeling so "spicy" that I just lay down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me now!"

    Defence Attorney:
    Did he take you?

    Little Old Lady:
    Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool" and ran off................ And that's when I shot him...............the little bast*rd.
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