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    Joke and One Liner thread - lets have a laugh (cleanish pls)

    Banned
    Lets have a chuckle, its all recession this and protest that - light hearted thread for daily giggles . . .

    24 Comments

    Original Poster Banned

    Last night I settled down to eat some Ben and Jerry's with a DVD.

    I couldn't be arsed to wash a spoon.

    Original Poster Banned


    When my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed, she got sympathy.


    When I said that, I got disgust.

    A guy in the pub tried to sell me 4 haunches of venison.

    I told him that's too dear!

    MULTI ALERT

    inb4 the "whats a multi" oO
    Edited by: "bossyboots" 16th Dec 2010

    OP whats your other username?

    Banned

    cannyscot

    A guy in the pub tried to sell me 4 haunches of venison.I told him that's … A guy in the pub tried to sell me 4 haunches of venison.I told him that's too dear!

    should be 'two dear' (_;)

    Banned

    i bought my snowman in the other night after i heard about the recent theft of one. wish i hadnt now,come down in the morning to find he had ******* all over the floor and done a runner.
    Edited by moderator: "Don`t bypass swear filter" 17th Dec 2010

    goldmax

    should be 'two dear' (_;)



    lol was gonna post that but felt rotten!!



    Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.

    'Tis the season of the multi, fa la la la la, la la la la http://yoursmiles.org/tsmile/nysanta/t7701.gif

    Police in Niddrie (rough area of Edinburgh) have arrested 3 of 4 well known Islamic terrorists: Bin Snortin, Bin Dealin and Bin Thievin. There was no sign of Bin Workin.

    Why do Morris Dancers were bells?





    So they can annoy the visually impaired as well.

    richp

    'Tis the season of the multi, fa la la la la, la la la la



    lmao!

    zurich

    Police in Niddrie (rough area of Edinburgh) have arrested 3 of 4 well … Police in Niddrie (rough area of Edinburgh) have arrested 3 of 4 well known Islamic terrorists: Bin Snortin, Bin Dealin and Bin Thievin. There was no sign of Bin Workin.



    The Jehovah's Witnesses in Niddrie call themselves Jehovah's Bystanders...


    ...you don't get witnesses in Niddrie!

    Banned

    My disabled brother has invited me to a charity christmas party in aid of women born without legs,apparently the place will be crawling with pu...

    Banned

    bossyboots

    lol was gonna post that but felt rotten!!

    Hi bossy

    Was passing through Leicester and saw a baker's shop window with eight pies stacked on on top of the other.

    Apparently it was a wedding cake!!

    Let me know when we can lower the tone........

    goldmax

    Hi bossy



    Hi Goldmax pm me and tell me how I can stop this whistling noise my windows are making when the wind is whipping up outside! Its freaking me out!

    what do you call a messed up HUKD that has been bombarded with too many useless additions?

    [img]t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR2-K57Ug9aA8EECRu-5CJO9CnjoHSjFS51LYu8E3lxHEqFiIXsbg[/img] UKD

    cannyscot

    Was passing through Leicester and saw a baker's shop window with eight … Was passing through Leicester and saw a baker's shop window with eight pies stacked on on top of the other.Apparently it was a wedding cake!!



    I'd move your joke further north. In Leicester, you're more likely to have an 8 tier Onion Bhaji.

    DialMforMammary

    When my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of … When my girlfriend told her friends she was going to grab a box of tissues and head off to bed, she got sympathy.When I said that, I got disgust.





    cannyscot

    Why do Morris Dancers were bells?So they can annoy the visually impaired … Why do Morris Dancers were bells?So they can annoy the visually impaired as well.



    Good one

    I was walking through Curry's the other day and I spotted a 42" LCD for £50, it was faulty but all that was wrong with it was a faulty volume button that was stuck on high, I thought to myself can't turn that down.

    ------------

    Just had a letter back from head office at Screwfix, apparently they are not a dating agency after all.

    -------------

    Christmas day is like any other day to me, sat at the table with a fat bird that doesn't gobble any more.



    Edited by: "greg_68" 17th Dec 2010
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