jokes about thumbs

Jokes about thumbs? I'm sure almost everybody with a lisp with have thumb for you.:3

what did the finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you.

I've got a Willy like a blind cobblers thumb.............taxi for....

This guy went into a restaurant and ordered his meal. When the waitress came out with his soup, he noticed that she had her thumb stuck into it. This upset him, but he let it go. She then brought out his chili, and again her thumb was in the food. He let it go again. When she brought out his hot fudge sundae, her thumb was in the fudge and this was too much for him. 
"Goddammit," said the man, "get your damn thumb out of my food!' 

"Well, I injured it a while ago and the doctor said I should keep it warm." 

"Why don't you just shove it up your ***?" the man said angrily. 

"That's what I do when I'm in the kitchen."

 

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach.

A human hair can hold 3kg.

The length of a **** is 3 times the length of the thumb.

The femur is as hard as concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

Women blink 2x as much as men.

We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

 

A woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.

 

What did the finger say to the thumb?

I'm in glove with you.

[image missing]

(_;)

Aiden1512

What did the finger say to the thumb? I'm in glove with you. (_;)

Ha ha !

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb
Picked this up on a joke forum
I got this one wrong

summerof76

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which … The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb Read lessRead more

Thank God for bamboo cane then.... oO

summerof76

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which … The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb Read lessRead more

Hmmmmm first I have heard of it
doesn't seem to be true
I have always assumed it was the approximate measurement of an inch from joint to tip(something I use from time to time )
phrases.org.uk/mea…tml

thewongwing101

Hmmmmm first I have heard of it doesn't seem to be trueI have always … Hmmmmm first I have heard of it doesn't seem to be trueI have always assumed it was the approximate measurement of an inch from joint to tip(something I use from time to time )http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/rule-of-thumb.htmlRead lessRead more

​Yes, that's what I always thought it meant.

thewongwing101

Hmmmmm first I have heard of it doesn't seem to be trueI have always … Hmmmmm first I have heard of it doesn't seem to be trueI have always assumed it was the approximate measurement of an inch from joint to tip(something I use from time to time )http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/rule-of-thumb.htmlRead lessRead more

See my comment no 8

summerof76

See my comment no 8

‌

Not really a joke but my mate's dad is prone to saying:

"You know me, son. I'm so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of tits, I'd come out sucking my thumb."

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers

or the BJ version from insomnia film

Smell my thumb ?? [img]encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSUTYvVE933weCyz1t0hlWyjL9c7VH9Wh4AB-161A_G1FLXDXeh[/img]

oooo


awww

drat

I thought u said bum

‌