just want a bit of advice please!

94 replies
Found 27th Nov 2008
hi, i know this hasnt anything to do with deals, or anything else on the site, but i just really want some advice! what would other people do about when they think their child (who is 3) is being unfairly singled out at nursery? ive been having this problem for a week now and am so worried i cant sleep, so any advice needed thanks

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in what respect?

Is it the teacher/helper as I had this, I carefully approached another mum who agreed and we had a quiet word. Whoever it is, get some backup it really helps.

How could anybody possibly comment without knowing the facts?

I would make an appointment to speak to the head, and if really worried would take child out of school untill the problem has resolved to your satisfaction, I have 4 kids and have spoke to staff about my worries many times and it usualy has an effect.:)

if its the teacher then I would change nursery... if there aren't any near by then tell whoever supervises the teacher.

Hi, I had this problem last year with my son who was 4. I was always being told he was hitting, smacking etc and my son is never like that at home, with friends or at playschool before that time. I spoke to the Leader of the playgroup and discussed my issues and problems. The chairlady of the playgroup was there also to listen and take notes of issues raised. It was all sorted out and there were no other problems during his time there (make of that what you will). I would say not to bottle it up, arrange a meeting with the leader of the playgroup and discuss your fears and concerns with them. Hope that helps a little !

Original Poster

they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop him hitting, although it is the 1st time i have ever been told about this problem. im not saying hes an angel, but hes coming home with new bruises every day and nothing seems to be being done about this. i witnessed myself a bot attacking him yesterday right next to where teacher was stood and she turnedd a blind eye, i had to break it up myself. my son now has severe scratches down his cheek

i would appproach the staff,just ask how your child is doing and express your concerns you have the right remember your the mum you know best.
you can always contact the care commission or ofsted if your not happy
best wishes:thumbsup:

Original Poster

i spoke to the nursery head yesterday and she was quite aggressive, and wouldnt let me talk. she disscussed all his worst points whilst he was stood there. im 6ft tall and i myself felt very intimidated by her. the teacher and ta backed me into a corner and just would not let me speak and dissmissed everything i managed to say

lou_960;3581937

they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop … they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop him hitting, although it is the 1st time i have ever been told about this problem. im not saying hes an angel, but hes coming home with new bruises every day and nothing seems to be being done about this. i witnessed myself a bot attacking him yesterday right next to where teacher was stood and she turnedd a blind eye, i had to break it up myself. my son now has severe scratches down his cheek


This sounds very wrong, I'v never heard of isolating a child, it sounds cruel and can only have negative affects. I would take him out and speak to head or manager. and if not satisfied get a higher bodie involved:thumbsup:

lou_960;3581967

i spoke to the nursery head yesterday and she was quite aggressive, and … i spoke to the nursery head yesterday and she was quite aggressive, and wouldnt let me talk. she disscussed all his worst points whilst he was stood there. im 6ft tall and i myself felt very intimidated by her. the teacher and ta backed me into a corner and just would not let me speak and dissmissed everything i managed to say



take him out-its not the right environment. Do it right away. Isolation for a 3 year-old? and backing you into a corner? who do they think they are?
I would say report them but i have been there and got nowhere.

Good luck with your next choice:thumbsup:

lou_960;3581967

i spoke to the nursery head yesterday and she was quite aggressive, and … i spoke to the nursery head yesterday and she was quite aggressive, and wouldnt let me talk. she disscussed all his worst points whilst he was stood there. im 6ft tall and i myself felt very intimidated by her. the teacher and ta backed me into a corner and just would not let me speak and dissmissed everything i managed to say



Thats really poor, think a proper complaint is in order! good luck.:thumbsup:

Sounds like a great, caring nursery...NOT! Do yourself and your little boy a favour and try to find another nursery asap.

Original Poster

i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be honest i am terrified

In that case, you need to get back up, its very important as they have also bullied you now. My son was no angel but I had this sort of problem , they always close ranks, in fact they are trained to do this, but they should never do that in front of him.

Don't take this the wrong way. But if you still talk to the dad then get him to deal with it, people tend to take a bit more notice when a guy steps in.

lou_960;3581937

they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop … they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop him hitting, although it is the 1st time i have ever been told about this problem. im not saying hes an angel, but hes coming home with new bruises every day and nothing seems to be being done about this. i witnessed myself a bot attacking him yesterday right next to where teacher was stood and she turnedd a blind eye, i had to break it up myself. my son now has severe scratches down his cheek



I would arrange to speak to the teacher and explain everything from your point of view, including the incident yesterday. Allow her to explain her side too, if he's hurt anyone at any time, there should be a record book (accident book) detailing who was hurt and how, though wont say who did what. I asked for a letter in writing of all in incidents involving my son and within a day I had a list of 2 things ! If you are still unhappy, I would go through the committee first, who should set up a meeting with all those involved. See what happens after that.

lou_960;3582005

i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be … i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be honest i am terrified



is he in nursery now?

Oh, the isolation thing sounds really weird. Not sure if they are allowed to do this? I would definitely file a complaint before leaving, and also take it further (Ofsted?)

Original Poster

im really glad someone else thinks this is a problem, i was starting to thin k it was just me being oversensitive. believe it or not according to ofstead this is supposed to be the best school in area

lou_960;3582031

im really glad someone else thinks this is a problem, i was starting to … im really glad someone else thinks this is a problem, i was starting to thin k it was just me being oversensitive. believe it or not according to ofstead this is supposed to be the best school in area



is he there now??

Original Poster

wll i was told by one teacher it would involve isolation ( which they have already used for my son) but by another i was told it would just be a sticker chart. they have only once said he has done anything wrong. now apparently it has been happeningh every day and they have never thought to tell me

I used to work a playgroup and NO leader or any member should speak or act to anyone like that. If all else fails, move him to a different playgroup and involve OFSTED and/or local education authority.

Original Poster

hes not there till this afternoon

lou_960;3581937

they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop … they say they are putting him on a scheme involving isolation to dstop him hitting, although it is the 1st time i have ever been told about this problem. im not saying hes an angel, but hes coming home with new bruises every day and nothing seems to be being done about this. i witnessed myself a bot attacking him yesterday right next to where teacher was stood and she turnedd a blind eye, i had to break it up myself. my son now has severe scratches down his cheek




This isn't right. If it were me, I'd be taking the teacher and her manager aside and asking why your child is being placed on an isolation scheme to stop him hitting, yet you have witnessed another child physically harming him and the teachers have just ignored it, leaving you to break it up and resulting in your son having physical marks left on him. Advise that you also want an explination as to why he's coming home with new bruises everyday, especially when they think it's fine to turn a blind eye to another child scratching your sons face. Don't let them fob you off and if you feel that they really do have a personal issue with your son for whatever reason, it's best to take him out of that nursery as you don't know what goes on when you're not around and perhaps him hitting out is a sign that he's not happy or he's being picked on by other children, but the staff there haven't bothered to do anything about it.

It's really important that you request a meeting with the teachers supervisor or manager there though, just so someone higher up is aware of her actions and attitude.

you are NOT oversensitive!! Like someone else has said, sounds like they are trying to bully you as well now. DON'T LET THEM! Stay calm, hold your head up high and tell them that you are not happy to leave your little boy in such an unfriendly, uncaring environment. I'd seriously consider taking him out of that nursery though.
Good luck with the meeting, remember...stay calm (we'll be with you to beat them up if you like!)

lou_960;3582058

hes not there till this afternoon



dont send him.

Call the school and if you need to put off the appointment til you have back-up. Do not go alone.

I got a solicitor as daughter was slapped by her headmistress years ago(other kids were smacked and dragged etc i found out later-kids thought that was normal!)

They said they would sue me for slander-i never sent my child back. If it feels wrong then it is. They have treated you awfully-and your poor little guy-what damage can they have done?

lou_960;3582005

i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be … i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be honest i am terrified



Don't be terrified - as others have said go there listen to what they have to say and make your point that they have never informed you there was a problem.

I would also sit your son down when he gets home and just have a chat about his day's at nursery - does it make him happy going there etc etc

Good luck, be calm and stand your ground

King of Thieves;3582011

Don't take this the wrong way. But if you still talk to the dad then get … Don't take this the wrong way. But if you still talk to the dad then get him to deal with it, people tend to take a bit more notice when a guy steps in.



This is just plain wrong at 3 yrs old he should not be 'isolated' and the teacher who backed you into a corner etc - again this aint right - King of Thieves suggestion makes sense - take someone to back you up if you can - I would not let either of my children stay in that environment until the problem was sorted

Original Poster

thankyou very much for bein so kind! i really do feel like beating them up! lol! as for taking him out, nursery places are few and far between round here and im scared he wont get another. he is very forward for his age and very big, and i think because he doesnt go crying when hes hurt its turned a blind eye to, but when he hits back and the other child crys, my son is blamed

lou_960;3582115

thankyou very much for bein so kind! i really do feel like beating them … thankyou very much for bein so kind! i really do feel like beating them up! lol! as for taking him out, nursery places are few and far between round here and im scared he wont get another. he is very forward for his age and very big, and i think because he doesnt go crying when hes hurt its turned a blind eye to, but when he hits back and the other child crys, my son is blamed



cant you find an alternative if you need childcare? it wont do him any harm to miss nursery and start school in september..

Don't let him stay there - after all that happened to my little boy, he was known "as the naughty one" because that's how he was portrayed. He is at school now and there have been no problems whatsoever. Don't let him get labelled or bullied. Nor yourself for that matter.

lou_960;3582005

i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be … i have been summoned for an urgent appontment with head today and to be honest i am terrified



Don't let them scare you. At the end of the day, you are doing nothing wrong and it's them that have been doing things incorrectly. They should tell you from the word go about any incidents in nursery and keep you informed. They should be working with you to find the best way of dealing with any problems that may occur, not just telling you what's going to happen.

If they don't let you talk, then just politely ask them to let you finish talking as I'm sure they'd tell the children that it's rude to interrupt someone !! Don't feel intimidated or let them fob you off. You have genuine reason for concern as everyone here has agreed, it's them that should be worried, not you. And if it somes to it. remove your son from the nursery immediately and contact Ofsted because they shouldn't be allowed to run their nursery like this, and they certainly shouldn't be making parents feel like you are

Original Poster

i know this is wron, but they all stick together. they have been telling him not to hit back so when that lad attacked him yesterday he was upset and said to me '' mummy i tried to tell the teacher but he wouldnt get off'' my heart broke! but i fear the kids will make him a target if they think he cant hit back

libbitom1;3582132

Don't let him stay there - after all that happened to my little boy, he … Don't let him stay there - after all that happened to my little boy, he was known "as the naughty one" because that's how he was portrayed. He is at school now and there have been no problems whatsoever. Don't let him get labelled or bullied. Nor yourself for that matter.



i totally agree-if it was my son-nursery places or not-he wouldnt be back.

Im leaving this thread as i feel so angry about it:x

I hope you sort it out:)

Original Poster

im gonna see what is said this afternoon i think. then im gonna find him somewhere else to go. im just not comfortable leaving him in that environment

libbitom1;3582014

I would arrange to speak to the teacher and explain everything from your … I would arrange to speak to the teacher and explain everything from your point of view, including the incident yesterday. Allow her to explain her side too, if he's hurt anyone at any time, there should be a record book (accident book) detailing who was hurt and how, though wont say who did what. I asked for a letter in writing of all in incidents involving my son and within a day I had a list of 2 things ! If you are still unhappy, I would go through the committee first, who should set up a meeting with all those involved. See what happens after that.



Great advice!

I dont think they can actually put a child into 'isolation', and if they were going to do that im sure that is not the public word for it! prob something like 'supervised' is what they might use.

Take someone with you for back up, a friend / partner/ family member or even a good neighbour as a witness!

If your nervous, write your points on a note pad and take it with you and make sure that you state that the way you were spoken to was not acceptable and if thats the way they speak to a parent you would like some reassurance that is not the way they speak to a child.

best of luck, remember they do not want a proper complaint so they should be nice to you! just be prepared that they may speak about your child's behaviour in a way you do not recognise, so be firm and ask why this was not brought to your attention before and can they give details of any incidents in question ( dates who was involved, which teacher witnessed it, etc). :thumbsup:

Original Poster

thanks louloo xx

Original Poster

thanks, theres been some really good advice given. its helped put my mins at ease a little! im definately gonna contact ofstead
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