Know any dirty jokes? Post here!

18
Found 26th Oct 2009
Dirty jokes are the best! Anybody know any good ones?!! We could all do with a laugh!

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Original Poster

How about this one to get the ball rolling?!

Little Timmy is in playing when he starts crying and runs to the teacher shouting "Cider Cider I need some cider miss" the teacher confused asks why, Timmy tells her he has a splinter in the palm of his hand, even more confused the teacher says "but why do you need cider?" Timmy replies "I heard my sister talking to her friend on the phone and she said whenever she gets a p**** in her hand she puts it in cider!"

class project draw something that grows so the little boy draws a penas on the board the teacher rubs it off the board and tells him off says draw something else that grows
the boy then draws a bigger pen*s the teacher is mortified and asks why do you keep drawing this as i said draw something that grows .boy says but miss my dad says the more you rub the bigger it gets

Original Poster

Not bad!

Original Poster

What have a Boeing 747 and a cheap hooker have in common?






They both have giant cockpits...

i dont think this thread is going anywhere:thinking:

Original Poster

me either!

Original Poster

massmail666;6699679

I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin … I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin from Autoglass came round and injected his special resin into her crack.She hasn't even got a car.



I like that one!!

massmail666;6699679

I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin … I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin from Autoglass came round and injected his special resin into her crack.She hasn't even got a car.



i like this one!

massmail666;6699679

I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin … I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin from Autoglass came round and injected his special resin into her crack.She hasn't even got a car.



That's funny. :w00t:

did you hear about the dewarf boxer? took a welt in the mouth.

Frank bruno and elton john got in common? both been beat round the ring.......

Original Poster

this comedy club is dying a death!!

Carley;6699999



:w00t:

that's really funny!!!

Dude are you horny or something?

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to **** your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

massmail666;6699679

I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin … I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that gavin from Autoglass came round and injected his special resin into her crack.She hasn't even got a car.



:giggle:

Original Poster

A young couple moved into a new are and wanted to join the church. The pastor told them, "We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month."

The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the Pastor ushered them into his office, the wife and husband was both looking unhappy.

"You are back so soon... Is there a problem?" the pastor enquired. "We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month." the young man replied sadly. The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult... However, we with the house work and unpacking we kept ourselves busy. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain."

"However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading from the Bible... anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts."

"One afternoon my wife reached for a melon and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust, and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour..." admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The pastor lowered his head and said sternly, "You understand that this means you will not be welcome in our church."

"Screw that," said the young man, "We're no longer welcome at Tesco !!."
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