Found 20th May 2010
Marriage Humour:

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'


Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'


Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'


Stress Reliever

Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

----------------! --------

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: 'Thanks for the early warning.'


A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: '
I like your sense of humour!'

Husbands are husbands

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!! '

  1. Misc
  1. Misc

LOL! These are awesome!

Original Poster


LOL! These are awesome!

men i love the Horse one, its absolutely hilarious...!!!

Made me chukkle

Yep the Horse one was the best

Yup loved the horse one too.

my wife wants me to take her somewhere she's never been, I'm taking her to the kitchen

One day, the wife came home with a spectacular diamond ring.
"Where did you get that ring?" I asked.
"Well," she replied, "my boss and I played the lottery and we won, so I bought it with my share of the winnings."

A week later, she came home with a long shiny fur coat.
"Where did you get that coat?" I asked.
She said, "My boss and I played the lottery and we won again, so I bought It with my share of the winnings."

Another week later, the wife came home driving a flaming red Ferrari!
You guessed it: Her share of the lottery winnings....

Last night, the wife asked me to run her a nice, warm bath while she got undressed.
When she entered the bathroom, she found that there was barely enough water in the bath to cover the plug.
"What's this?" she asked.
"Well," I replied, "we don't want to get your lottery ticket wet, do we?!"



my wife wants me to take her somewhere she's never been, I'm taking her … my wife wants me to take her somewhere she's never been, I'm taking her to the kitchen

Taking her out of the kitchen ?

Original Poster


Taking her out of the kitchen ?

No hes taking her into the kitchen because she's never been there (never cooks!)

Cracking jokes.


Talking of marriage best start dinner or I may find myself out of one.

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