.Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men
asked the other, Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?

Outstanding, Fred replied. They taught us all the latest psychological
techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great.

Thats great! And what was the name of the clinic?

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldnt remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, What do you call that
flower with the long stem and thorns?

You mean a rose?

Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that
memory clinic?


Ha ha!
Now, what was I drinking? sorry, thinking :oops:

Original Poster

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The
material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting
here years ago.

“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is
loaded with MSG, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the
germs in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have,
or most of us will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the
most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up
and said, “Wedding cake.”

Original Poster

lol :giggle:

Original Poster


Ha ha!Now, what was I drinking? sorry, thinking :oops:

Hi cassie, how are you ?

Original Poster

Two guys are pushing their shopping trolleys around a store when they
collide. The first guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m
looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I
was going”.
The second guy says, “That’s OK. It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my
wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate”.
The first guy says, “Well,maybe we can help each other. What does your
wife look like”?
The second guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with blonde hair,
blue eyes, big breasts and is wearing short shorts and a tank top. What
does your wife look like”?
The first guy says, “Doesn’t matter --- let’s look for yours.”


Hi cassie, how are you ?

Better now i've stopped shaking ;-) lol

Original Poster

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
’Mom’ he asked, ‘are these my brains?
“Not yet’ she replied.


NOMINATED AS THE BEST SHORT JOKE THIS YEAR!A three-year-old boy was … NOMINATED AS THE BEST SHORT JOKE THIS YEAR!A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.’Mom’ he asked, ‘are these my brains?“Not yet’ she replied.

so funny, yet so true :whistling:x

Original Poster

I'm just waiting for OH to finish work & pick me up for the weekly shop ..... not looking forward to it one little bit, it's always so crowded on a Friday ... should really start home deliveries again I suppose ... just hoping I can remember what I want when I get there .. ! lol bfn x

shopping list :
Paper products

good jokes snowtiger:thumbsup:

Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.'
The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this,
I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again.
'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........ You got nice house.'

Last New Year's Eve, one woman stood up at the local tavern and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

It was embarrassing - The bartender was almost crushed to death.

Confucious say: "Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."


Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really cute, really hot girl in his office.. but she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and said, I'll give you £100 if you let me have sex with you....The girl looked at him, and then said,'NO!'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult with her she called him and explained the situation.
Her boy friend says, 'Ask him for £300, and pick up the money really fast. He won't even be able to get his trousers down.' She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.....? Still breathing hard, she managed to reply,
'The B*****d had all 10 pences!'

I like them. :thumbsup:

Original Poster

v good

:whistling: I don't have Senior Moments myself these days - I have CRAFT moments instead
( Can't Remember A F****** Thing. :w00t:
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