mother in law problems !

    feeling a bit teed off today over this one......

    Basically I had 2 kids from a previous relationship when i met hubby,his mother i have never seen eye to eye with and i think the majority of the problem is that i already had kids when i met her son (the youngest of her 2 kids)

    We have been together 11 years now and have 2 children of our own,now dont get me wrong the mother in law has a heart of gold as far as her 2 grand children are concerned,the 2 kids from my previous relationship are left out a lot,she does bother with them on their birthdays and if someone visits they are her "grandchildren" but any other time they are given the back seat.

    It all started when i went tro try my wedding dress on 10 years ago,mother in law came with me got the gown on and some accesories and pulled back the changing room curtain to hear her say rather loudly"you look like a whore" this was because i had put on a pearl choker with the dress and prostitutes wear chokers!
    obviously i went home in tears hubby to be wasnt happy and spoke to her
    then she got over involved in the wedding plans and this was wrong that was wrong etc

    over the years i have bit my tongue so hard and tried for hubbys sake to keep the peace

    we recently moved house,she refused to visit our new home but came round a fortnight later!
    my little one starts school in september and i have chosen for her to go to a village school as the ofsted report for it was gleaming,that was also wrong as the mother in law says "there is no competition between the kids"
    she has the 2 grandchildren every wednesday but as of september is refusing to have the little one because i havent enrolled her in the school she wanted her to go to!

    Yesterday was hubbys birthday,he got stuck up in epsom and the mother in law turned up with fairy cakes etc she had made
    now hubby is 34,she then started having a go that i hadnt got him a birthday cake! i did ask him but he didnt want one as were saving for our holiday later this year.
    I put the kettle on was in the process of making tea and emptying bins and washing up and she was moaning that i had to find a candle for the cake she had made him (hubby still wasnt back)
    I told her to wait a moment whilst i finished off the things i was doing and then i would find a candle,she continued moaning and I'm afraid after all these years i let rip and boy did i go for it so much so that i f'ed and blinded at her,slammed a few doors,hubbys sister also joined in with the mother in law and i and went off out,as i got to the end of the path hubby was coming up and i just shouted at him to sort her out.
    his family then all got in their cars and left.

    I feel like im the black sheep,im 31 years old for crying out loud and hate being bossed around and told what to do,its getting to the point where our marriage is suffering because of her,hubby has said we will move away but why should i leave everything i know,I've lived in this town all my life.

    sorry tis long but needed to get it off my chest,i know his family will be back stabbing me now,i havent spoken to my own mother in 16 years since she disowned me and certainly would of put up with this crap from one of my family members,maybe i kept stum too long and she got away with it and just carried on,feel so bad it ruined hubbys birthday


    Good on you mardyass, there's absolutely no excuse for people like her to be nasty, she should count her blessing that you didn't punch her full on in the face, and made her eyes pop out

    its usually me who writes my problems lol

    she sounds pathetic,good on u for telling her straight!its good your husband is supporting u,just try to distant yourshelves from her

    maybe she will stop the bitchyness now u have bitten back

    I can't belive you put up with it for sooooo long



    If you say that out loud, it sounds funny lol :-D
    Couldn't help myself lol:oops:

    Original Poster

    who knows eh,I'm suprised myself that i put up with it for so long really,was just trying to keep the peace really but have now come to the conclusion that i dont have to put up with it just for hubbys sake


    If you say that out loud, it sounds funny lol :-DCouldn't help myself … If you say that out loud, it sounds funny lol :-DCouldn't help myself lol:oops:

    lol :oops:


    some parents can become to over-involved in their kids (no matter how old they are) relationship, tell your hubby , you don't want her coming round when he is not there, and for christ sake try and get away (holiday) quicker for the peace if anything else

    its appalling she singles out your children together to yours from previous relationship. Threaten to take her on jeremy kyle show if she dotn shut her mouth lol. Cos seriously he'd embarass her if shes treating children like that not their fault you not with their daddy and ffs you been with her son 11 years if she dont change now its all in the open i think you and hubby need to decide what the priorities are before all the anger and bitterness consumes you. Ive experienced similiar family problems and nearly disowned my mum a week b4 xmas when i was 39 weeks preggers . But my beautiful boy arrived january 1st and we just have gone on like nothings happened for now

    I have several friends who have been in a similar situation, seems that their mother-in-law ttok an instand dislike to them and interfer in everything.
    I get along great with mine. I have been married for 26 years and can honestly say that I have never had any problem with my mother-in-law, the fact that she lives in Ireland and I only see her once a year hasn't anything to do with it

    Don't feel bad it's them not you. I know you don't want to move but for your hubby to offer is fantastic. There are some people in this world you can never please so don't waste your energy trying. Make some rules, you come as a job lot it's all kids or no kids, be polite in your house or leave. there are no half measures with people like that. I had a similar problem with my in-laws and now they don't dare be rude to me or hubby has said he will change his name to my maiden name and will disown them completely. Sending you lots of hugs and hope I haven't offended anyone by being so blunt.

    i bet you feel better about that now hun, good on ya.
    you should let anyone boss you around, and treat your children differently, she deserved it, don't feel bad about it. i wouldn't :thumbsup:

    Mother-in-laws = :evil:

    allways have been allways will be :whistling: least im a good few 100's of miles away from mine :-D

    Original Poster

    when we were getting set to mov house that was wrong and she moaned about that but we needed a 4 bedroom place as we were living on top of each other in the 3 bed house we had.
    she even said to me "what does your father think about all this"
    i did tell her then that my dad says im a big gurl and old enough to make my own decisions and mistakes!

    and thats the truth,although my dad will fully support me he will never step in the way of anything im doing or plan to do

    Original Poster

    hubbys family are so close knit and my family is split,not used to "family gatherings" etc its just not me,never has been never will be

    at least your partner supports you, over his mum, he must love you very much :-D


    what does your father think about all this

    tbh what would you father possibly say * why the hell do you need a 4 bedroom house , you silly girl

    lol i reckon your OH mum is a bit touched and i shudder to think what kind of childhood he had with her, i mean honestly who asks a question like that when you are considering moving??

    Original Poster

    yeah he does but im scared all this going on will push us apart as ive got to the point before with the mother in law where i have thought to myself if he goes i dont have to put up with her and i shouldnt be feeling like that cos its not his fault he is just pig in the middle

    yes but the fact that he is more than willing to move away with you shows how much faith he has in you, his nows your the one in the right hear, and he's more than happy to back you up. if anything she's pushing you closer together.

    Original Poster

    i guess so but no way in this world is she pushing me to move away! lol

    stay where you are hun, proberly won't bother you anymore anyway, not now she knows you going to stick up for yourself :-D

    did you know the anagram of mother -in-law is WOMAN HITLER .............she defo fits the title i reckon

    Good on you for standing up for yourself, i would have done the same:thumbsup:

    Original Poster


    did you know the anagram of mother -in-law is WOMAN HITLER … did you know the anagram of mother -in-law is WOMAN HITLER .............she defo fits the title i reckon

    soooooooo apt shes german too!

    Hi there,
    It is really important to defend your own boundaries in the situation- to say what you find acceptable and what you don't. One of the problems of being polite for family reasons is if the person in question is not polite themselves then they will never recognise that you are biting your lip for the sake of peace. In the long run, it is better to do what you did and state your position and concerns rather than suffer long -term emotional damage. Someone from another culture may not understand your reticence in coming forward with what you think, but then again you don't seem to be a push over at all as a person, but have done what you have done out of loyalty to your husband in not putting forward your own opinions sooner. You really should have a meeting with your husband specifically to put forward your points- a candle-lit dinner?- and say that you feel that your family is being intruded on and that your boundaries are being interferred with. It is actually rude and disrespectful not only to you but also to your husband for his mother to make the sort of comments that she feels free to come out with. Your husband should really take on the responsibility to tackle her and say that it simply isn't acceptable to treat you that way. I have had a problem with a relative in a very similar way and I found that the only way forward was to make it clear that I would not accept their comments- standing up for yourself is essential, just as you realise or it totally demoralises the whole family including your children. You are obviously extremely important being a mother and this woman should not be allowed to weaken your family by being abusive- it is obviously a power thing. You are really young still and you are right to want to put a stop to this here and now or it could go on for years. Crucially she does not seem to care about you or your feelings- this must be very hard as you can't rely on your own mother for support from the sound of things- but you are now a fully fledged adult and you will feel great for doing your own thing and making it clear that you are the boss of your family together with your husband. He sounds like he is a nice sort of guy, but a little lacking in the resolve to assert himself- clearly this may be a pattern that has gone on for years. Clearly you are very much on his side and that is what it is all about- you two together as a team. Good luck - you sound as though things have reached a stage whereby they will change as you need them to. Nobody should be made to feel the way that she has treated you and you certainly deserve better!:thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    Thankyou Leska,feeling so much more at peace with myself now ive blasted off at her

    Hi there,
    That is the important thing- that you can live your own life according to what you believe and that you feel a sense of peace and freedom with what you are doing. It sounds as though you have been in a really critical type of environment which is bound to get you down. Lucky you having so many children, and no doubt you have a really good family life. Enjoy a more liberated life- don't be around so much to be attacked by your mother-in-law and have fun with your children. It sounds as though you are a really right on sort of person and hopefully things will get better and better for you. Good luck!
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