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    My Bike

    Banned
    Bike for sale


    What kind of bike? I don't know, I'm not a bike scientist. What I am
    though is a manly guy looking to sell his bike. This bike is made out
    of metal and kick ass spokes. The back reflector was taken off, but if
    you think that deters me from riding at night, you're way wrong. I
    practiced ninja training in Japan's mount Fuji for 5 years and the
    first rule they teach about ninja biking is that back reflectors let
    the enemy know where you are. Not having a rear reflector is like
    saying "**** YOU CAR, JUST TRY AND FIND ME".



    The bike says Giant on the side because it's referring to my junk, but
    rest assured even if you have tiny junk that Giant advertisement is
    going to remain right where it is. I bought this bike for 300 dollars
    from a retired mercenary that fought in both World War 1 and World War
    2 and had his right arm bitten off by a shark in the Phillipines while
    stationed there as a shark handler. When he sold it to me I had to arm
    wrestle him for the honor to buy it. I broke his arm in 7 places when
    I did. He was so impressed with me he offered me to be his son but I
    thought that was sissy shit so I said no way.



    The bike has some rusted screws, but that just shows how much of a bad
    ass you are. Everyone knows rusted screws on a bike means that you
    probably drove it underwater and that's bad ass in itself. Those
    screws can be replaced with shiny new ones, but if you're going to go
    to that trouble why not just punch yourself in the balls since you're
    probably a dickless lizard who doesn't like to look intimidating.



    The bike is for men because the seat is flat or some shit and not
    shaped like a dildo. If you like flat seated bikes you're going to
    love this thing because it doesn't try to penetrate your ass or
    anything.



    I've topped out at 75 miles per hour on this uphill but if you're just
    a regular man you'll probably top it out at 10 miles per hour. This
    thing is listed as a street bike which is man-code for bike tank. The
    bike has 7 speeds in total:


    Gear 1 - Sissy Gear
    Gear 2 - Less Sissy Gear
    Gear 3 - Least Sissy Gear
    Gear 4 - Boy Gear
    Gear 5 - Pre-teen Boy Gear
    Gear 6 - Manly Gear
    Gear 7 - Big Muscles Gear

    I only like gear 6 and 7 to be honest.


    Additionally, this tool of all immense men comes with a gigantic lock
    to keep it secure. The lock is the size of a bull's testicles and
    tells people you don't **** around with locking up your bike tank. It
    tells would-be-thieves "Hey *******, touch this bike and I'll appear
    from the bushes ready to club you with a two-by-four".


    Bike is for £150 (and don't give me no panzy prices)

    4 Comments

    pics?

    funny

    I guess it's pink?

    where are you based for collection or is £150 including P+P.

    and whats OBO?
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