My sister is very troubled and I need a solution

43
Found 22nd Apr
Can anyone tell me what to do my sister is 15 and is always screaming and swearing and cannot be controlled by anyone and has been excluded from many schools and my father can’t seem to find a solution we have tried one on one counselling and family counselling and the problem is still the same
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The problem these days is kids can get away with virtually anything. When i was a kid and did anything wrong I got a good slap around the ear, made me think twice about messing about. But these days you would get locked up for doing such a thing. Let her fend for her self, no more paying for sim plans, cloths, new iphones etc and she will soon enough find out what having responsibities means.
Have you tried fishing, using a different bait sometimes works!
43 Comments
I need some air after reading that because there is no full stops.
The problem these days is kids can get away with virtually anything. When i was a kid and did anything wrong I got a good slap around the ear, made me think twice about messing about. But these days you would get locked up for doing such a thing. Let her fend for her self, no more paying for sim plans, cloths, new iphones etc and she will soon enough find out what having responsibities means.
Always screaming and swearing? Maybe she possessed get a priest in
She needs discipline, i,e belt or slipper.
Had her checked out to see if she suffers from a bi-polar condition ?
Needs a right sorting out thats what. Lack of discipline is rife in the youth of today.
Hey, don’t think this is the right place to be asking for advice. Anyway as you have asked, you’re her brother so talk to her and listen to her to see why she’s behaving like that, to get an honest response you have to give her the feeling she trusts you and won’t say anything to anyone else. Controlling a person is actually the wrong thing to do. Trying to get to the heart of the problem is what allows it to be solved. Professionals and parents are most of the time the wrong form of support to a rebellious teenager especially when they aren’t listening or believe anything a child says.
Oh and physical abuse is pathetic some of the comments here are what’s wrong with society. Treat kids like adults and they’ll grow up like adults.
kester761 h, 5 m ago

Had her checked out to see if she suffers from a bi-polar condition ?


Now that just sounds like an excuse. This isn’t bi polar. If anything, it’s more like ADHD (I’m sure it’s not that either)!
zcgby035 m ago

Hey, don’t think this is the right place to be asking for advice. Anyway a …Hey, don’t think this is the right place to be asking for advice. Anyway as you have asked, you’re her brother so talk to her and listen to her to see why she’s behaving like that, to get an honest response you have to give her the feeling she trusts you and won’t say anything to anyone else. Controlling a person is actually the wrong thing to do. Trying to get to the heart of the problem is what allows it to be solved. Professionals and parents are most of the time the wrong form of support to a rebellious teenager especially when they aren’t listening or believe anything a child says.


^ to the first part. Quora is a more suited community.
zcgby036 h, 19 m ago

Oh and physical abuse is pathetic some of the comments here are what’s w …Oh and physical abuse is pathetic some of the comments here are what’s wrong with society. Treat kids like adults and they’ll grow up like adults.


Well what do you think OP is sayong, they have tried all that. Sometimes a little negative reinforcement is required, its a natural way of learning.
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deleted568030
Teenagers are full of raging hormone changes, raging being the appropriate word. They can lack control and lash out, both verbally and physically, because they don't know how to communicate what's going on with them. It's a time of upheaval.

Having said that I'm a great believer that behavior has consequences, reward positive behavior certainly but "hit" unacceptable behavior where it hurts - no phone, no money, no taxi service etc, and be consistent. Self discipline has to be learned, all actions have consequences, good or bad.
st8mike1 h, 55 m ago

Yes I'm old.....when I look around at the antics of the youth today I see …Yes I'm old.....when I look around at the antics of the youth today I see with horror that some of those will be running our country......am I glad I'm old and will be long gone before these clowns get in positions of power.



Lets just hope they don’t turn out anything like those in the current and past positions of power. What a daft statement.

really not the place to ask OP but I imagine you Can’t find anywhere else to turn. Communication is key maybe she needs to talk to somebody and maybe that’s you? Take her out of the situation for a day out away from everything and see if you can get anything out of her about what’s going on etc. I’m in no way qualified to give you advice but it’s what I’d do if I was in your shoes and good luck dealing with it!!!
Have you tried fishing, using a different bait sometimes works!
zcgby037 h, 59 m ago

Oh and physical abuse is pathetic some of the comments here are what’s w …Oh and physical abuse is pathetic some of the comments here are what’s wrong with society. Treat kids like adults and they’ll grow up like adults.


No, That is exactly the problem. Treat kids like kids and adults like adults, Teenages like teenages.
From your position, I'd be telling her that swearing is despicable and not cool, Screaming is also very babyish and if she would like to be treated more like a grown up then she should act like one. Also make sure you behave yourself and don't give your parents an hard time ;).
Edited by: ".MUFC." 23rd Apr
Rule out any possible medical/psychological issues first. Then find out of there are any other issues such as bullying that may be causing her behaviour, try and understand your sister.

If there isn't any, remind her of her 16th birthday when she can be kicked to the curb if she cannot play by the house rules.
Love her and forgive her, easy to say, I have spent a lifetime trying to do but this helps me:

“‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be your name, your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from the evil one.
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deleted79467
lol a one post troll and b ppl fall for it
Edited by: "deleted79467" 23rd Apr
Love her and forgive her. Go somewhere she likes to eat and go for a walk. Be honest and open about your fears and failings. Share your hopes, dreams and passions. Build trust by not sharing what she tells you or judging or controlling. We all need someone who loves us unconditionally so we can speak our mind, knowing that we will find support and encouragement.
.MUFC.10 h, 50 m ago

She needs discipline, i,e belt or slipper.

Granddad used to give me the slipper. He had a military up bringing. He stood for no nonsense and still doesn't although over recent years has calmed down a hell of a lot
machomansavage6 m ago

Granddad used to give me the slipper. He had a military up bringing. He …Granddad used to give me the slipper. He had a military up bringing. He stood for no nonsense and still doesn't although over recent years has calmed down a hell of a lot


I haven't had to resort to any of those methods as they're last resorts and the kids know that!.
Out of care and control by sounds of things and there be some underlying issue why but for some reason she slipped through the net like many before... You do mention your father... Not mentioned 'parents' where's her mother? Is it all related if death or relationship breakup?

I know this is not the answer you wanting but I'm just saying likes of Camhs and so on for many they waste of time, you say she been for counselling etc and obviously it's not done any good and help so as others have said you need to speak to her and find out what's going on because I wouldn't rely on services helping out. If you even wanted help you would have to have an idea what's going on... I mean example I knew my eldest was on autistic spectrum quite early on but it was not a lot back and forth trying get him seen... If you no idea what you dealing with it is hard to get help.

BTW I have a 15 year old daughter, she moans at me when I do swear... I've never heard her swear once and she doesn't even in front of her friends, she doesn't like it and hates drama, she be like that is so embarrassing if I'm having to tell the younger ones off in public that kind of thing..Teenage girls are very mardy I find at times but if you don't put your foot down they can get out hand quick. On other side of things I totally spoil her, not that any my others go without far from it but she most demanding, there always something she wants and I always go extra steps than most other parents would I think.
I would look at quality time her dad spends with her, above all quality time is needed, my daughter very demanding that way, hates to be left out, she's goes with me and my boyfriend the most, if we can take her with us we do as she's no bother going anywhere. Hates to be left out, she's over the moon she can go to 15 films at cinema now ( I take her passport as she really doesn't look it) she can't wait till she's 18 and can join us in the bars, teenage girls like to be involved, I guess some boys do too.... My eldest isn't bothered and rather be going out on his own than come with us.
master1011 h, 29 m ago

The problem these days is kids can get away with virtually anything. When …The problem these days is kids can get away with virtually anything. When i was a kid and did anything wrong I got a good slap around the ear, made me think twice about messing about. But these days you would get locked up for doing such a thing. Let her fend for her self, no more paying for sim plans, cloths, new iphones etc and she will soon enough find out what having responsibities means.


You realise its your generation that led to the current generation. The generations that follow are the responsibility of the previous generations, the failure of current generations are squarely the fault of failures from previous generations.
Is it learned behaviour? Ie is it used when she is requested to do something? Does it happen randomly?
Either way her behaviour is manifesting from something below the surface. Best advice is to talk to her. Or get her to talk to someone who she has trust in. I know it’s difficult but use empathy with her tell her you know how she’s feeling when she’s angry and relate it to a time you felt anger. Communication is key in today’s society where we’re all consumed by our silicon obsessions.
Show her she’s cared for she maybe feeling extremely isolated.
Kicking off screaming etc could be a sign of sensory issues around certain surroundings, as she always been like it? So if sensory issues possibly consider she ASD... It's well known girls slip through the net, they say more boys autistic than girls but often girls hide it well and now as hormones are present the signs are showing more.

Give her something to look forward to, make a list of things to do, goals etc... Can be really simple things, my daughter has her own bucket list... We actually going to a a drive thru car wash later as I know it is on list things to do... I knew this and bought a groupon for it... Just the simple things.
CatKisscat1 h, 31 m ago

Love her and forgive her, easy to say, I have spent a lifetime trying to …Love her and forgive her, easy to say, I have spent a lifetime trying to do but this helps me:“‘Our Father in heaven,hallowed be your name, your kingdom come,your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.Give us today our daily bread. forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.


I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Join hands and recite the Lords prayer. I'm sure that will help .
Try one on one counselling or family counselling.
benrobertsno158 m ago

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Join hands and recite the Lords …I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Join hands and recite the Lords prayer. I'm sure that will help .


I can confirm it works but only if you change you profile picture include the #PrayFor
jimhuf1 h, 27 m ago

You realise its your generation that led to the current generation. The …You realise its your generation that led to the current generation. The generations that follow are the responsibility of the previous generations, the failure of current generations are squarely the fault of failures from previous generations.


When you say my generation, what do you mean. How old do you think I am? Im speaking from personal experience and what ive seen around me growing up.
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deleted1315437
zcgby0312 h, 13 m ago

Hey, don’t think this is the right place to be asking for advice. Anyway a …Hey, don’t think this is the right place to be asking for advice. Anyway as you have asked, you’re her brother so talk to her and listen to her to see why she’s behaving like that, to get an honest response you have to give her the feeling she trusts you and won’t say anything to anyone else. Controlling a person is actually the wrong thing to do. Trying to get to the heart of the problem is what allows it to be solved. Professionals and parents are most of the time the wrong form of support to a rebellious teenager especially when they aren’t listening or believe anything a child says.


With the responses that this post is getting, it is the right place to ask for advice. You even contributed yourself. There are real people here who understand and can give words of advice to anyone.
I haven’t been through all of the comments but have you tried this organisation?
youngminds.org.uk/fin…hs/
You can give them a call for further support.
deleted131543723rd Apr

With the responses that this post is getting, it is the right place to ask …With the responses that this post is getting, it is the right place to ask for advice. You even contributed yourself. There are real people here who understand and can give words of advice to anyone.


It’s a shopping website and the mods are currently taking steps towards infringing our rights on freedom of speech? That is what I meant when I said that. Obviously there are some good people here who can share advice but this place is going downhill.
.MUFC.4 h, 15 m ago

I haven't had to resort to any of those methods as they're last resorts …I haven't had to resort to any of those methods as they're last resorts and the kids know that!.


I totally agree. I definitely think a lot of this kind of behaviour is a result of parents trying to be their kids' best friend, and there being a complete lack of consequences for bad behaviour (and I don't mean corporal punishment).
Edited by: "Spango" 23rd Apr
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deleted1315437
zcgby031 h, 18 m ago

It’s a shopping website and the mods are currently taking steps towards i …It’s a shopping website and the mods are currently taking steps towards infringing our rights on freedom of speech? That is what I meant when I said that. Obviously there are some good people here who can share advice but this place is going downhill.


No not really. The mods have only removed the posting of discussions to do with political issues as it causes a lot of disruption between members. 'Misc' literally means at random topics.
just give her a new phone that’ll shut her up for a few months
benrobertsno16 h, 30 m ago

I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Join hands and recite the Lords …I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Join hands and recite the Lords prayer. I'm sure that will help .


Don't have a religious bone in my body , but now I've just found that even at school we were taught the wrong words , we used trespasses instead of debtors , no wonder it never worked
Edited by: "tinkerbellian" 23rd Apr
Give her an Xbox and download fortnight it will be months till you see her again
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