Need a laugh?

    It takes a college degree to fly an aircraft but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight Quantas pilots fill out a 'gripe sheet' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct any problems and then document repairs on the sheet. The pilots then review it befor the next flight.

    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by pilots (marked with a p) and the solutions (marked with an s) recorded by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Quantas is the only major airline never to have had an accident.

    P. Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
    S. Almost replaced left inside main tire

    P. Test flight ok, except auto-land very rough
    S. Auto-land not installed on this aircraft

    P. Something loose in cockpit
    S. Something tightened in cockpit

    P. Dead bugs on windshield
    S. Live bugs on back order

    P. Auto-pilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
    S. Cannot reproduce problem on ground

    P. Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
    S. Evidence removed

    P. DME volume unbelievably loud
    S. DME volume set at a more believable level

    P. Friction lock causes throttle levers to stick
    S. Thats what friction locks are for

    P. IFF inoperative in off mode
    S. IFF always inoperative in off mode

    P. Suspected crack in windshield
    S. Suspect you're right

    P. Number 3 engine missing
    S. Number 3 engine found on right wing after brief search

    P. Aircraft handles funny....
    S. Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious

    P. Target radar humms
    S. Target radar reprogrammed with lyrics

    P. Mouse in cockpit
    S. Cat installed

    And the best one.....

    P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
    S. Took hammer away from midget.


    lol like it!!

    Seen 'em before, except the very last one. Needed a laugh, so thanks

    Fantastic. Stupidly giggling to myself at work.

    very good :giggle: :lol:


    Very old one that..... but well worth a re-read.


    Def worth th read!

    Original Poster


    very good :giggle: :lol:

    Praise indeed coming from snowtiger. some of yours today were excellent :-D

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