Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven , God went missing for six days.
    Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting.
    He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?'
    God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?'
    'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.'
    'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused.
    God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth.
    'For example, Grim North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while South America is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot, and Russia will be a cold spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people.'
    God continued, pointing to the different countries.
    This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.'
    The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, 'What's that?'
    'Ah,' said God. That's the Grim North of England, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful people, eight Premiership football teams in the Grim North West alone, and many impressive cities; it is the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, explorers and politicians. The people from the Grim North of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high-achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth.'
    Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, 'What about balance God, you said there will be BALANCE!'
    God replied very wisely, 'Wait till you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down South !'


    OI! lol! :giggle:


    lmao, good one

    even more words than the last one.

    North > South

    I should take offence at that being from the South but that was funny:)

    Yey. I'm in the North. Nice one
    No offense guys:whistling:


    funny and TRUE lol :-D

    Archangel Michael also asked God,
    Why are there so many Drunks in Glasgow while there are so many so many Lawyers in Edinburgh?

    God replied,

    Glasgow had first pick.

    So what is the punchline? :?

    I am sure there is a punchline in there some place i will laugh to be polite!

    lol :oops:


    I am sure there is a punchline in there some place i will laugh to be … I am sure there is a punchline in there some place i will laugh to be polite!lol :oops:

    you're a better man than me...

    Dave xx


    Many a true word spoken in jest!!:whistling:;-):-D

    I'm from the south and I think you've got the south and north mixed up!
    Actually I think so far in my life the midlanders so neither south nor north have probably been the most intelligent...but also the most backward...
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