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    OK! It might turn intnto Stand up Monday

    A good Irish man, John O'Reilly, met regularly with his toastmasters club. One evening, they were hitting the Guinness Stout and having a contest at who could make the best toast. John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

    That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."

    She said, "Aye, what was your toast?"

    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife!"

    "Oh... That is very nice indeed, John." Mary said.

    The next day Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night with a toast about you, Mary."

    She said, "Aye... and I was a bit surprised meself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

    6 Comments

    Its Tuesday :?

    You're in a time warp .. missed a day .. Tuesday for the rest of us ...too much Add one leave one game ..

    masterbrown;2383127

    Its Tuesday :?



    tis indeed....stand up monday was good though..so looing forward to todays jokes!

    Original Poster

    CAN'T HELP MYSELF!!!!!


    Maharishi Fattifatbstrd's Guide to Zen

    Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just *#!! off and leave me alone.

    The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

    The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

    Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

    Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

    Remember, no-one is listening until you fart.

    Never forget that like everyone else, you are unique.

    Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

    If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

    Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

    If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

    Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

    Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

    If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

    Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

    Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

    The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

    A closed mouth gathers no feet.

    There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

    Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

    Never miss a good chance to shut up.

    Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

    When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our ****. From there on in, life gets worse

    The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

    Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.

    why shouldn't you have sex with a stupid midget?

    cus its not big and its not clever!

    too much? delete if so! I don't know the boundaries here yet...

    what is the best thing about having sex with twenty nine year olds?



















    there is twenty of them!!!! ofc!
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