omg my boys are driving me mad help.....

40 replies
Found 23rd Mar 2009
my two "angels" are 5 and 2 years old (soon to be 6 and 3 if they make it!!) and are becoming cheeky wee rascals, the attitude and cheek from my 5 yr old is really wearing me down and now the wee one is starting to learn from his brother, help would be really appreciated, or do i need supernanny?

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http://www.rumproast.com/images/uploads/duct-tape.jpg

clap him/her round the head and tell them to be nice

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Smeagol clap him/her round the head and tell them to be nice

Carley;4715410



Where's the "damn good thrashing" cube :?

Kandiman1983;4715418

Thats what my dad dont to me constantly.. Now im a really good guy... … Thats what my dad dont to me constantly.. Now im a really good guy... Dont knock them out or anything, just a clip or so, jus to show that you cant just get away with stuff.... Cruel to be kind..



couldn't of said it better myself :thumbsup:

Smeagol clap him/her round the head and tell them to be nice

Ignore the bad if you can, when it can't be ignored, naughty step (I think it's 1 minute per year in age, so 2 mins for 2 year old etc)

praise the good behaviour, ignore the bad. They have to be taught that being good will get them attention, bad won't. It's all about getting attention, teach that being good gets them the attention they want.

IMO (and Supernannys lol) it's best not to punish bad behaviour in any way other than time out on the naughty step, don't take toys away etc.

nip it in the bud now cos they will get worse if you let.
Discipline had to be consistent. Always if you threaten something make sure you carry it out.
As said take away toys
We use a naughty door as they have toys in bedroom so no good sending them there.

The naughty step and taking away tv priveleges works with my 3yr old. But with his brother who is special needs NOTHING works!!! Also pointing out the cake shop and saying "oh what a shame I was going to buy you a lovely cake but I can now as you have been so naughty".

Good luck!!

ChipSticks;4715469

IMO (and Supernannys lol) it's best not to punish bad behaviour in any … IMO (and Supernannys lol) it's best not to punish bad behaviour in any way other than time out on the naughty step, don't take toys away etc.



Supernanny does remove toys. :?

Spod;4715516

Supernanny might not be the best idea after … Supernanny might not be the best idea after all:http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-456765/How-Supernanny-damaging-family.html



lol at a Daily Mail article.

Russ2626;4715375



Quality! :thumbsup:

Only got the one, but he's a 3 year old nightmare, so I sympathise!

Take a huge deep breath and try to recall a pleasant memory of your kids, ie when they're fast asleep!

I dad would just need to raise his voice and I'd be petrified!

It's now seen as abuse if you smack your kid, when I was little it was called getting what you deserve, didn't do me any harm but then again depends on what your definition of smacking is.:thinking:

its hard - mine are nearly 4 and just 9. We try (!!) to always praise good behaviour and nice ways of speaking (it really does work after a while some of the time).

Also, we take things away for bad behaviour/being cheeky-with the little one its mainly things like not doing a puzzle with her or no biscuit with her drink as it needs to be pretty much straight away to work. But my little fella has things like his pokemon/match attax cards taken off him, or he loses his game time, or his telly choice etc-doesn't work all the time-but really does help.

good luck-remember you care by trying to curtail it no-and thats half the battle !

lucerysmum;4715681

But my fella has things like his pokemon/match attax cards taken off … But my fella has things like his pokemon/match attax cards taken off him, or he loses his game time, or his telly choice etc-doesn't work all the time-but really does help.



Thats how I read it. LOL

Original Poster

thanks guys i just feel as if i am at the end of my tether and its getting me down, hate myself when i shout at them but nothing i say seems to get through to them at all. i do the denying treats and tv and ds etc but makes no diff to them. i thought i was doing a good job being a stay at home mum but i wonder somedays..
anyway thanks to you all :-D

We've had three boys and two girls. Our eldest boy is 20, our youngest three.

Our boys have always needed a lot of physical exercise. Do you have a kids kingdom or something similar near you? We'd always do that once a week. If you can get another adult you can take them swimming but I'd always advise one adult/one child ratio for swimming. It's too scary otherwise. Also, you can get swimming lessons from about 3 years of age now. If money is tight a run in the park, lots of freedom, lots of space is great. Do you have your own bit of garden? Our boys made mud pies, mud coated our apple tree from its base as far up as they could reach! Our garden was a mass of holes as they learnt how to dig. They used street chalks and street paints with wild abandon. They also really benefitted from the pets we have. It helps them show their caring side. They climbed trees and sat in the branches reading books and eating lunch. If you dont have a bit of garden, think about hiring a piece of allotment if you can. Teach them how to grow foods, they get such a buzz from growing easy fruit and veg and eating them as they ripen. Our teenagers still love the first stawberries of the season straight from the plant itself.

Many studies have been done on the different ways boys learn as opposed to girls, ( our girls are both teenagers and whew that's a whole nother story! ) Boys benefit from hands on "child-centred" learning where they can guide their own play, help make their own choices. They learn more from actually DOING than from sitting down reading about doing it. Girls are more conceptually aware i.e learn more from theory.

Not all this behaviour driving you crazy is probably down to boredom, but if you wear them out you certainly wont hear so much back chat. Make sure you are clear with your boundaries about what is and what is not acceptable behaviour. Have them decide themselves what is morally right...they are more likely to keep a code of ethics whatever you wish to call it if they decide it themselves.

I'd never condone physical punishment, as soon as you use it, you've lost face in front of them and risk them perceiving you as "unfair" and a bully. They know they've won an issue if you have to smack them to win the fight, you've lost already.

Instead use whatever you find works with them. If they are young enough that distraction works, use it. Put your foot down. No MEANS no. I tell my kids, I'm your parent, not your friend, you don't have to like me, you just have to do as I say ( and fortunately they love me, thankfully so as none seem in a rush to leave home anytime soon! ). Make sure they understand Mummy has needs too. "If you let me sit quietly and drink my tea for ten minutes then we'll go to the park for an hour". Keep to your promises too, and any time scales you give them.

Your kids aren't doing anything that any other 5 and 2 year old hasn't tried before them. If you don't want them to be mouthy, make sure they aren't hearing it from anywhere else. They copy copy copy. As someone else said, ignore the bad behaviour, reward the good. If you are yelling at them for being naughty and not saying, " wow you were so well behaved in the store today" etc etc, you're doing it backwards. Even telling them off is a reward as its a reward of your attention and your time. Don't sweat the small stuff, choose your battles and be consistent!

Have you thought of using star charts to reward good behaviour? You can alter it for their own needs, but make it applicable to them, 5 stars equal a small gift, or a sweet, something along those lines.

Hope some of these ideas help.

Best of luck to you. Being a Mum is a wonderous gift xxxx

ClarityofMind;4715730

Best of luck to you. Being a Mum is a wonderous gift xxxx



As is a dad.

Original Poster

thanks com
my feelings are that since my eldest has started school things are going downhill and he is just becoming so cheeky, you know i do so much with them we swim, we do swim lessons, we go out to the cinema, we do the park, we do softplay and to be honest they want for nothing but are just so ungrateful. i do the poor kids in the world speech about toys/gifts and food etc just to tell them how very lucky they actually are but makes no impact on them and i know they are young but i def don't want horrible children!

thesaint;4715797

As is a dad.



Yes definitely! I was just looking at it from a female point of view xx

alfie and harrys mum;4715841

and are becoming cheeky wee rascals, the attitude and cheek from my 5 yr … and are becoming cheeky wee rascals, the attitude and cheek from my 5 yr old is really wearing me down



What kind of things are they saying like?

Thank you clarityofmind, really useful parenting tips :thumbsup:

Original Poster

just want to say that i do love being a mum, god knows i went through so much to actually be a mum ( i suffered a few miscarriages and my eldest lost his twin brother a week after their premature birth) so you see my boys are my life and without them it would be hell, but at this point in time i feel like strangling them arggggghhhhh

Original Poster

borolad94;4715865

What kind of things are they saying like?



just generally answering me back and having a bad attitude ~ omg just thought i am turning into my mother

Banned

thrash the little critters

Original Poster

sassie;4715900

thrash the little critters




or just put them up for adoption? the thought crossed my mind (very quickly) :roll:

Banned

alfie and harrys mum;4715915

or just put them up for adoption? the thought crossed my mind (very … or just put them up for adoption? the thought crossed my mind (very quickly) :roll:



yep, go for that one, add my two to the list :thumbsup:

Original Poster

no probs thats the list started anyone else?

alfie and harrys mum;4715835

thanks commy feelings are that since my eldest has started school things … thanks commy feelings are that since my eldest has started school things are going downhill and he is just becoming so cheeky, you know i do so much with them we swim, we do swim lessons, we go out to the cinema, we do the park, we do softplay and to be honest they want for nothing but are just so ungrateful. i do the poor kids in the world speech about toys/gifts and food etc just to tell them how very lucky they actually are but makes no impact on them and i know they are young but i def don't want horrible children!



Oh, I always notice it when they start school and mixing with other children. The problem there is not everyone cares what their kids are saying and suddenly your child is hearing lots of things they have never heard before and think its really clever to try it out. The first time your adorable little baby says "f you! " is a mark of their growing independence. They're just trying out what is it to be different to who they thought they were before, and this only increases exponentially into teenage years so you're going to have to keep your cool a few years yet! I have been fortunate to be able to pick my kids up from school most days and I hear other parents f-ing and blinding at their kids. There are parents who aren't really parenting at all. They are somehow dragging those kids up by the ears the way they treat them, I wouldn't treat our dog, and unfortunately your children are witness to all that. You must just keep your boundaries and discuss when they are able regarding their feelings. My daughter when she was five witnessed some really awful violent behaviour at school, and she said, " mummy I think he's just a really unhappy person". Kids can show empathy in some amazing ways.

Like I said with boys, words dont mean as much as doing. If you could SHOW them somehow how lucky they are, that would have way more effect than saying, " there are other people who would think you are really lucky". It just doesn't sink in that way. They have to learn by DOING and seeing and having an effect so that they are interacting, not just by hearing the words.

But what I think is focus more on the positive. When they do something great reward them for it. Once you begin doing that, they start thinking, hey mummy really likes that and they do it more and more, because they ARE good kids and really do want to please you. You have to be specific with them, " tidy your room" won't produce results, but " help me pick up the lego pieces" will. Thats how specific you have to be. Only give one request at a time ( my husband is still the same he cant follow more than one order at once! hehe ). The male brain doesn't multitask as well as we do.

A wonderful bit of advice I was given by a consultant teacher who had worked over 40yrs with young children was, when you ask a child a question... give them a full ten seconds before you expect them to answer it. it literally can take that long for it to enter their minds and to be processed, thought about and an answer formed! Don't rush them, reward all the good and when you feel like you're going into a rant at them, just bit your lip, count to fifty, go make a cup of tea, and approach the situation again once you feel calm and strong xxx

Banned

alfie and harrys mum;4715938

no probs thats the list started anyone else?



lol - they are sent to try us eh, always thought having them close together would cause problems, trust me having a massive age gap isnt any better either

Original Poster

thanks for that com will definately take on board and try and practise what YOU preach, a diff approach needed for sure cos what i am doing just ain't working the now

alfie and harrys mum;4715983

thanks for that com will definately take on board and try and practise … thanks for that com will definately take on board and try and practise what YOU preach, a diff approach needed for sure cos what i am doing just ain't working the now



Sounds like you might be due some adult time. Being with them all day every day would wear down even a saint. Do you have family or a good friend who will take them for a few hours? Go for a meal or a film with another friend or your other half. Shopping trips/ hairdressers/ to have your nails done perhaps. Something to show you you're not JUST Mum, but still yourself too, otherwise your identity begins to slip away and you become nothing BUT Mum and you'll feel bereft as they grow and need you less and less for their daily needs if you don't keep up with what you need too.

We used to leave ours with their grandparents for a weekend maybe 3/4 times a year so we could book a hotel room and have "a dirty weekend" just for us. Our kids would tell their friends, My Mum and Dad still go on dates! Not very frequently perhaps but it was nice anyways The kids benefitted from it too as they got closer to their grandparents that way.

Certainty, not severity.

Better to say, "No tv for 30 minutes" and stick to it, than "No telly all week" and give in, which you probably would. Be consistent, and if you say you are going to do something, do it - otherwise they will not take your authority seriously.

Lots of praise and rewarding comments, even for mundane things, like "You used your knife and fork really nicely today". As said by others, try hard to ignore bad behaviour - it is attention seeking. I sympathise though, they can really grind you down.

alfie and harrys mum;4715835

thanks commy feelings are that since my eldest has started school things … thanks commy feelings are that since my eldest has started school things are going downhill and he is just becoming so cheeky, you know i do so much with them we swim, we do swim lessons, we go out to the cinema, we do the park, we do softplay and to be honest they want for nothing but are just so ungrateful. i do the poor kids in the world speech about toys/gifts and food etc just to tell them how very lucky they actually are but makes no impact on them and i know they are young but i def don't want horrible children!



Do you find that they are at their worst between 5pm and bedtime? I find my 2 (boy 6 girl 3) are becomming very very tired, and their behaviour is suffering at the moment.

I find encouraging my son's good behaviour works with more offerings of match attax at the moment. One packet costs 40pence, doesn't break the bank, and can change him from being a destructive little monster into a bed making, room tidying mummy's boy.

My DD is different. She is a chocoholic aged 3, through and through. She gets so tired in the afternoon, and starts winding her brother up. I have to use incentives for her too - but they don't work once she is in her shattered zone.

I find in the evenings once we are in that zone - getting them in the bath chills them out, then they are able to stay awake until their bedtime, and usually their dad is home then, and can help with entertaining, or just simply chilling on the sofa watching a bit of TV before bed.

I think if you can identify what your battles are before they arise, and have an action plan, it will help you remain calmer.

My 6 year old has started taking himself off to his room lately - where he sulks, and thinks about the events. I think this is quite helpful, as he needs to know he can have his own space to escape to. He comes down when he has calmed down enough!

I think my 3 year old is starting to use the same tactic - but she can be more destructive so I have to keep an eye on her more!

Good luck with your boys - there's never one way of dealing with the kids - you have to find whats right for you and your family

Take care

Original Poster

thanks butterflies for your advice i think my 5 year old realises today i am deadly serious about punishments because he has had 3 of his friends come to the door wanting to either come in or go out to play but they have all been told he is grounded so he feels sorry ~ he says and promises to be better ~ wait to see how long it lasts ~ i feel awful but don't know really what else to do

You are a great mum!!!! You are giving your lovely boys lots of experiences, swimming, park treats and lots of love..they are so lucky and unfortunatley kids dont know this ...but would you do it any differently, you love them and they love you :thumbsup: they are mischevious and trying the boundrys you gotta be consistant and firm and do what works for you...i think you need a little me time too....my girls are10 and 13 and i remember the joy of an after shopping on my own when they were your boys age:)....dont get down and beat yourself up you are doing a great job!! they do grow up
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