Only 8 weeks to go so ............................. First christmas joke

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First christmas joke


Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the

pearly gates. In honour of this holy season, Saint Peter said, you

must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into

heaven.

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He

flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said.

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, Theyre bells.

Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and

finally pulled out a pair of womens panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, And just

what do those symbolize?

The man replied, These are Carols.

And So The Holiday Season Begins....

6 Comments

Original Poster

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In October? Stupid xmas...

Original Poster

[email protected];3318879

In October? Stupid xmas...


hahaha you are a happy bunny 2day xx :roll:

Try this one, slightly USA but you get the gist...

Politically Correct

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the Elf&Safety so they say
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth..
.
[COLOR="Red"]"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."[/COLOR]

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa Claus caught in a revolving door.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph?
Because every buck is dear to him.

http://www.lolcats.com/images/u/07/30/lolcatsdotcomq1jrjj6oydkatm8p.jpg

Original Poster

LMAO ... VERY GOOD ;-)
Ah the Christmas Lolcat piccys .... got lots of them ready & waiting!!!

Original Poster

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