Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking
    Buddy, Mick.

    He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Brigid.

    He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their
    upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.

    As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around
    and he landed heavily on his rump.

    A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing
    especially painful.

    Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and
    in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding.

    He managed to quietly find a full box of band-aids
    and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw

    He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and
    shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

    In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and
    butt and Brigid staring at him from across the room.

    She said, You were drunk again last night werent you Paddy?

    Paddy said, Why would you say such a mean thing?


    Brigid said, it could be the open front door, it
    could be The broken glass at the bottom of the stairs,
    It could be the Drops of blood trailing through the house,
    It could be your Bloodshot Eyes,

    But mostly....... its all those Band-Aids stuck on the
    hall mirror.


    Original Poster

    A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.
    While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the
    husband, “You can have her shipped home for £5,000, or you can bury her
    here, in the Holy Land, for £150.” The man thought about it and told
    him he would just have her shipped home.
    The undertaker asked, “Why would you spend £5,000 to ship your wife
    home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
    only £150?”
    The man replied, “Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and
    three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.”

    :shock: You might be able to get away with that second joke....might. First one was hilarious though :thumbsup:

    Original Poster

    His name was Mark not Paddy ........................ lmfao
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