People wonder why call centre guys are paid so much......

    Found this on another forum - HILARIOUS IMO.
    [people like sadie wont get it - so not many of you]


    1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the
    Open Desktop."

    Customer "Ok."

    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"

    Customer: "No."

    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a
    pop-up menu?"

    Customer "No."

    Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have
    done up until

    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I
    wrote 'click'."


    2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent,
    but I am still
    getting the same error message."

    Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"

    Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get
    it to work?"


    3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft

    Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."

    Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."

    Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me
    what it says."

    Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and
    Recovery disk'."

    Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."

    Customer:: "What?"

    Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"

    Customer: "No..."


    4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your

    Tech Support:: ?!%#$


    5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of
    the screen,
    see the 'OK' button displayed?"

    Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"


    6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"

    Customer:: "A white one."


    7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."

    Customer:: "How do you spell that?"


    8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"

    Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me
    at the grocery


    9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you

    Customer: "Pentium."


    10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed
    an illegal


    11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."


    12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"


    13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I
    urgently need to print
    document, but the computer won't boot properly."

    Tech Support: "What does it say?"

    Customer: "Something about an error and non-system

    Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy

    Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an
    Intel inside."


    14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a
    problem. We're open

    Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"


    15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"

    Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."

    Tech Support:: "Well?"

    Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"


    16). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech
    support to report that
    his computer is faulty.

    Tech: What's the problem?

    User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

    Tech: You'll need a new power supply.

    User: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup

    Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to
    replace it.

    User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to
    change the startup
    and it will fix the
    problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

    10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is
    right. The tech
    is frustrated and fed up.

    Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers
    this, but there
    is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the

    User: I knew it!

    Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of
    the CONFIG.SYS.

    Letme know how it goes.

    10 minutes later.

    User: It didn't work. The power supply is still

    Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?

    User: MS-DOS 6.22.

    Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS
    didn't come with
    NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch
    that will give you
    the file. Let me know how it goes.

    1 hour later.

    User: I need a new power supply.

    Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?

    User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what
    you said, and he
    started asking questions about the make of power

    Tech: Then what did he say?

    User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible
    with NOSMOKE.


    17) customer care officer:I need a product
    identification no: right
    now and may I help u in finding it out?
    Cust: sure
    CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My
    Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find
    your computer?


    I've worked on an IT support desk and told a user to press F10 key - he was insisitant that there was no F10 key only an FIO key.

    Other call was he had no access to our software I asked if power light was on and he said no we currently have a power cut.

    I also worked in a garage with a hire drive depatment he asked for a 4 door car and we said he only had a 5 door car - his answer what side is the extra door on?

    Priceless - nothing stranger than folk

    Original Poster

    Which is why I wouldnt want a call centre job, i'd be laughing constantly.

    Lol I worked in the Patientline call centre.

    Remember one time when a 85 year old man couldnt get the tv to work and he was threatening me, swearing non stop and saying he hopes I get mugged in the street and my throat slashed and that the call centre was bombed or washed away in a flash flood etc.

    Turns out the problem was he put in the tv card before registering in his name so the previos patients account got the credit, for a 30 minute phone call(for which I was praised by bosses as company rules were to hang up on abusive calls) it took 2 minutes to sort

    Oh and I only got the minimum wage even over christmas and new year there, bunch of scrooges.

    lol hilarious most of them made me chuckle

    We once had a user in a call center who was having trouble using her mouse and said the the cursor was not moving.

    When we went down to see what was wrong, we saw her trying to move the cursor with the mouse actually placed on the monitor screen :shock:

    I used to work for Tiny as a team leader in their call center many moons ago. One call (amongst many) involved a customer who was having problems with her printer. After going through the motions making sure it was powered on and connected correctly I asked her to take the printer lead out of the printer (It was an old Epsom and had a known problem with the printer port not seating the cable correctly). Before she took the cable out of the back of the printer she asked me...

    "Shall I hold the connector in the air when I unplug it so the data doesn't fall out ?"

    Thank god for secrecy buttons on those phones as I was laughing so hard!

    A good game we used to play was to see if we could get rude words into conversations with customers without them realising. "Furry muff" was the phrase of choice as it easily substituted "fair enough" which you could usually get into most conversations.

    Oh, and on the phone earlier today a Jessops call center agent said the words "ShittyLink" when talking about an order of mine they had lost. When I questioned if he had actually said the word "ShittyLink" he never denied it. Top man.

    very good post made me laug tons, defnitley needs a rep

    :giggle: some of that really beggars belief.

    and they had the money to buy a computer....

    Caller: Nothing appears on my screen.
    Tech: Have you booted the system?
    Caller: Yes,. I've punched it a few times too.

    When I worked with IT Customer Support I had a motto:

    90% of users' problems can be resolved by switching off their PCs - the other 10% can be resolved by punching the users


    Where i once worked we had a free phone number that got random calls, one was for london electric, the lady on the other end would not accept i was nothing to do with the electric board so we had some fun with her, she was ringing to check the size of her bill as she was being threatened with being switched off, we told her that her bills were so high because her appliances were not compatible with the electricity we were providing for her and she would be best suited to icelandic electric for her domestic white goods and french electricity for her lighting, she was so hooked on this it was unreal, we were passing her round the office making out we were different departments, the swan song was when we asked what setting her fridge was on, she went to check......................................its on 3.............................sorry madam did you say 3?........................................yes love 3 why?...........................................................please just bear with me i need to put you on hold (taps desk as puts phone down but never put her on secrecy on purpose)..........................john!!!! john!!!! this woman here has our electric and her fridge is on 3!!!!...............................(voice from the other side of the office) christ man tell her to get out of the house immediately but dont panic her it could all go up!!!!!!...............................................(picks phone back up) hello madam (hears her screaming frantically and crying) i need you to pop your coat on and go wait by the road near your house, we will send someone round soon to sort this out for you, its nothing to worry about.........................................AAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! AAAARGH!!!!!!!!!!!! whats wrong with my house?!? CLICK!!!!!!!!

    Now that was a good day at work hahahahahaha


    I had several frantic calls one day, all within a short space of time, and all from the same person, insisting I was a plumber - I tried to tell him differently but he was convinced that I was trying to have a quiet day by hiding from customers, and that I'd better own up 'cos he had a burst pipe & his downstairs was flooding. After a while I 'admitted' that he was right, that I was trying to get the afternoon off, & that he had seen through my trick, and as compensation for stringing him along for so long I would come round immediately, fix the leak, & not charge him for it. I asked for his address, gave him a phone number (chosen at random from the phone book!) & told him it was my boss, and that if I wasn't around his house within 30 minutes to ring my boss & complain.

    I then went for a LONG walk - strangely, I never heard from him again:whistling:

    when I worked for a mobile fone company I had a call from a very irate customer regarding the delivery of his phone. We had various disruptions due to widespread flooding (was about 8-9 years ago you may remember the horrendous flooding in england round about then) I appolgised and explained this and he went nutts shouting swearing ect. Going on and on about how the courior hadn't turned up and how he was promissed that his fone would be with him that day.

    In mid rant he mentioned that he was having a very bad day and had been evacuated due to flooding and his house was ruined and he was now 60 miles away staying with his mother in law.

    I did have to politly point out that if he wasn't in his house it was slightly unreasonable to expect delivery of his fone :lol:

    I had one guy say "Your a lieing little b*****d, I hope you f*****g DIE!" all because he couldnt recolect signing up to a contract.
    People should be reminded when they call call centres that they are actualy speaking to real people and therfor should be treated as one.

    This is the original source with many funny stories:…id/
    Sadly working in support I've come across many of them, so many people think we are psychic and know what they are thinking. One of my favourites was someone who asked for a folder called 'Archive' to be restored, unfortunately they didn't know exactly where it was - they knew they had it on a shared drive which had something like 8TB of data. My workmate and I pulled up the backup records and ended up reading out many folder names in the area they thought it was with no success. Thankfully one of them had a shortcut to the missing folder, it was actually an Excel file and nowhere near where they thought it was...


    been there got the nutters on the phone had to use mute lots of times with some of the stuff people come out with.

    This stuff is unbelievable!!! :w00t:
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