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    no doubt turning up and seeing your face will have her in stiches brah

    numptyj;8159841

    no doubt turning up and seeing your face will have her in stiches brah



    +1.....:roll:

    bykergrove;8159858

    i said no trolling danny



    looool

    soz brah

    much love xx (no homo)

    Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
    Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"
    He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down and shouts "I'M A LIGHTBULB!
    I'M A LIGHTBULB!" Murphy watches in amazement!
    The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home" So he leaves the site.
    Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.
    "Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.
    "I can't work in the *******' dark!" says Murphy.

    What do you call a judge with no thumbs?

    Justice fingers

    Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common?
    A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your **** if you get a dodgy one!

    Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
    She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?"
    "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole *******' bed by the looks of it!"

    How old is she?

    its only me;8159889

    Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common? A. A … Q. What's a Catholic priest and a pint of Guiness got in common? A. A black coat, white collar and you've got to watch your **** if you get a dodgy one!



    its only me;8159892

    Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, … Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?" "Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole *******' bed by the looks of it!"



    How old's yr niece byker?

    Plum;8159908

    How old is she?



    bykergrove;8159915

    lolllll she's 5 btw



    ]Watch out

    Knock, knock.
    Who's there?
    Cows go.
    Cows go who?
    Cows don't go who, they go moo

    ( I googled!!)

    Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said: 'Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair'.

    Paddy says to his pal "Mick, look! We could buy a whole lot of dose and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cos if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent"

    "Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will" says Mick.

    They go in and Paddy says "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and ........"

    The owner of the shop interrupts "You're from Ireland, aren't you?"

    "Well... ...yes" says a surprised Paddy. "How d' y' know dat?"

    The owner says "This is a dry cleaners."

    Two mexicans are stuck in he desert,wandering aimlessly and close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden…….. “Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet.” “Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee”.

    So with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There’s raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there’s fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon……every imaginable kind of cured pig meat. “Pepe, Pepe we ees saved! Eet is a Bacon Tree!” “Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?”We ees in the desert don’t forget.” “Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon…..ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree”.

    And with that ……. Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 feet, with Pepe close behind, when all of a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

    “Pepe….go back man, you was right….ees not a bacon tree.” “Luis, Luis, mi amigo…….what ees it?” “Pepe……ees not a bacon tree…… ees

    ees

    ees

    ees

    ees

    ees

    ees a HAM BUSH!.”

    Banned

    what do you call a british man that fartts all the time?







    .........british gas

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Because he saw the Zebra crossing.

    A man goes to the zoo. When he arrives there is just a dog sat in a cage.

    It was a Shitzu.

    The Chicken Story....

    Farmer John lived in quiet rural Somerset. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

    So one day Farmer John called the Police Station and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

    "What do you want me to do?" asked the Policeman.

    "I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

    So the next day he had the council workers go out and erected a sign that said:

    SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING

    Three days later Farmer John called the Police and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

    So, again, the Police send out the council workers and they put up a new sign:

    SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

    That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the Policeman, "Your signs are doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"

    The Policeman told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.." He was going to let Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

    The Police Station got no more calls from Farmer John. Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the Policeman and he decided to give Farmer John a call.. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

    "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

    The Policeman was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign...

    It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

    So the Policeman drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

    NUDIST COLONY Go slow and watch out for chicks!

    bykergrove;8159915

    lolllll she's 5 btw




    stops typing jokes ...............

    what do you call a dog with no legs?


    Whatever you like it won't come ;-)


    What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

    Cliff

    What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
    Doyouthinkhesawus.

    Why was the blonde staring the orange juice?

    'cos it said concentrate

    g1bbuk;8160006

    A man goes to the zoo. When he arrives there is just a dog sat in a … A man goes to the zoo. When he arrives there is just a dog sat in a cage.It was a Shitzu.



    :w00t: that really made me laugh! hahaa!

    ianshona;8160064

    Why was the blonde staring the orange juice?'cos it said concentrate



    :lol:

    Yo Mom Is So Fat When She Fell Down Stairs I Thaught Eastenders Was Ending

    :lol:

    raptorcigs;8160157

    Yo Mom Is So Fat When She Fell Down Stairs I Thaught Eastenders Was Ending

    One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, "Mom? Am I a polar bear?"
    "Well of course son!"

    The cub replied, "You’re sure I'm not a panda bear or a black bear?"

    "No, of course not. Now run outside and play."

    But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.

    The cub asks, "Dad, am I a polar bear?"

    "Why of course son!" the papa polar bear gruffly replies.

    The cub continues, "I don't have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?"

    "No son. I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?"

    "Because I'm f######g freezing!!"

    g1bbuk;8160186

    One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused … One day a baby polar bear approaches his mother with a confused expression on his face and says, "Mom? Am I a polar bear?""Well of course son!"The cub replied, "You’re sure I'm not a panda bear or a black bear?""No, of course not. Now run outside and play."But the baby polar bear is still confused so he approaches his father.The cub asks, "Dad, am I a polar bear?" "Why of course son!" the papa polar bear gruffly replies.The cub continues, "I don't have any grizzly bear or Koala bear in my bloodlines?""No son. I'm a polar bear, your mother is a polar bear, and by god you too are one hundred percent purebred polar bear!! Why in the world do you ask?""Because I'm f######g freezing!!"




    haha! cute

    An atheist was walking through the woods.
    As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7-foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder & saw that the bear was closing in on him.
    He looked over his shoulder again, & the bear was even closer. He tripped & fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right On top of him, reaching for him with his left paw & raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out, "God help me!"
    Time Stopped.
    The bear froze.
    The forest was still.
    As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky. "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident." "Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer"?
    The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps You could make the BEAR a Christian"?
    "Very Well," said the Voice.
    The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head & spoke:

    "Lord bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."

    What's the Bears favourite button on the remote control...

    Paws

    A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face"

    A white horse walks into a bar, the barman says "we have a whiskey named after you" the horse says "what? Eric?"

    This thread has really made me smile!

    mummylace;8160376

    This thread has really made me smile!



    Soon to be copied and pasted by skusey for the next 3 years.

    Banned

    thesaint;8160510

    Soon to be copied and pasted by skusey for the next 3 years.



    That shouldn't be too much of a problem for the database.

    My grandad is old, he can't do what he used to do.










    ...bomb germans.

    My daughter is 4 so here is her fav joke....

    Whats green and invisible?

    (Holds out her empty hand)....

    This cabbage!

    a 5 yearold aint going to get any of these jokes posted yet, doubt any 5 yearold will get a joke, maybe when there at least 10.

    [LEFT]Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks 'the regular Descartes?' and Descartes says 'I think not' and disappears."[/LEFT]

    http://fc03.deviantart.net/fs16/f/2007/185/8/1/_whistle__by_nillemotes.gif

    Daytrader;8160876

    a 5 yearold aint going to get any of these jokes posted yet, doubt any 5 … a 5 yearold aint going to get any of these jokes posted yet, doubt any 5 yearold will get a joke, maybe when there at least 10.


    Speaks somebody with either no children or no sense of humour.

    why couldn't the car play football?



    it only had one boot!

    What do you call a man with no
    shins?

    ...Tony.
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