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    Proud To Be British Because

    Proud To Be British Because .
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    Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Britain... do we buy hot dogs in packs of ten and buns in packs of eight.

    Only in Britain... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

    101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

    5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
    and finally.........

    In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet

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    11 Comments

    Original Poster

    Some Actual Signs

    In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait."
    On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts."
    Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak."
    In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
    On a maternity room door, "Push, Push, Push."
    On a front door, "Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog."
    At an optometrist's office, "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
    On a taxidermist's window, "We really know our stuff."
    On a butcher's window, "Let me meat your needs."
    On a fence, "Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive."
    At a car dealership, "The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
    Outside a muffler shop, "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
    In a dry cleaner's emporium, "Drop your pants here."
    On a desk in a reception room, "We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left."
    In a veterinarian's waiting room, "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
    At the electric company, "We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
    In a Beauty Shop, "Dye now!"
    On the side of a garbage truck, "We've got what it takes to take what you've got." (Burglars please copy.)
    In a restaurant window, "Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up."
    Inside a bowling alley, "Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop."
    In a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want."

    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue



    Looks like it should have been four last year!

    Original Poster

    Top 20 Sayings We'd Like To See On Those Office Inspirational Posters

    [LIST=1]
    [*]Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
    [*]If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
    [*]Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
    [*]Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
    [*]Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
    [*]A person who smiles in the face of adversity...probably has a scapegoat.
    [*]Plagiarism saves time.
    [*]If at first you don't succeed, try management.
    [*]Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
    [*]TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
    [*]The beatings will continue until morale improves.
    [*]Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
    [*]We waste time, so you don't have to.
    [*]Hang in there, retirement is only fifty years away!
    [*]Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
    [*]A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
    [*]When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
    [*]INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
    [*]Succeed in spite of management.
    [*]Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.[/LIST]

    Loll :-D :-D

    lmfao rep added ty for that

    Original Poster

    [CENTER]http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/dpa/lowres/dpan888l.jpg[/CENTER]

    Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
    So true.

    Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    more usa i would think

    bigbob909;2361620

    Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the … Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and put our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.more usa i would think



    davesdaily.com/fun…htm :thumbsup:

    Banned

    Very sad.

    Original Poster

    [CENTER]On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
    I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed.
    It rolled off the table and onto the floor,
    And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door.
    It rolled in the garden and under a bush,
    And then my poor meatball was nothing but mush.
    So, if you eat spaghetti, all covered with cheese,
    Hold onto your meatball and don’t ever sneeze.
    [/CENTER]
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