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    Qantas Airlines

    .Qantas Airlines

    After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics any problem they had with the airplane during the flight.



    The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then explain in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.



    The pilot reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.



    Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humour.



    Here are some actual maintenance problems submitted by Qantas pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.



    ............. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

    24 Comments

    Original Poster

    (P = The problem logged by the pilot)

    (S = The solution and action taken by the engineer)





    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



    P: Something loose in cockpit.

    S: Something tightened in cockpit.



    P: Dead bugs on windshield.

    S: Live bugs on back-order.



    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200

    feet-per-minute descent.

    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

    S: Evidence removed.



    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

    S: DME volume set to more believable level.



    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

    S: That’s what they’re there for.



    P: IFF inoperative.

    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



    P: Suspected crack in windshield.

    S: Suspect you’re right.



    P: Number 3 engine missing.

    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



    P: Aircraft handles funny.

    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be

    serious.



    P: Target radar hums.

    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



    P: Mouse in cockpit.

    S: Cat installed.



    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds

    like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

    S: Took hammer away from midget

    . . http://moneyandfinance.theamericanmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/12/qantas.png

    True or False ? What do you think ... ?

    Original Poster

    [CENTER]http://www.airlines-and-airliners.org.uk/images/qantas-airline.jpg[/CENTER]

    I wish it were true.
    I'd like to think that people can have a sense of humour no matter what their job is. :thumbsup:

    P.S. Is there something special in the picture I'm not seeing, or is it there just for decoration.

    Original Poster

    Jumpingphil;3032658

    I wish it were true.I'd like to think that people can have a sense of … I wish it were true.I'd like to think that people can have a sense of humour no matter what their job is. :thumbsup:I have an awful feeling it is true though!! :roll:P.S. Is there something special in the picture I'm not seeing, or is it there just for decoration.



    Hello there JP ............ No just the picture that goes with the 'other stuff'' ( it's also in case there's anyone on here who can't read ! )

    Original Poster

    How about this one ? !!

    [CENTER][URL="javascript:void%20window.open('/mambots/editors/mosce/jscripts/tiny_mce/popupImage.php?img=http://www.gotforwards.com/images/stories/content/good_paint_jobs1.jpg\&title=good_paint_jobs1.jpg\&mode=basic\&imgwidth=576\&imgheight=432\&print=0&save=0','Popup','width=576,height=432,location=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=no,status=no,toolbar=no,resizable=no,screenX=128,screenY=0');"]http://www.gotforwards.com/images/stories/content/good_paint_jobs1.jpg[/URL][/CENTER]

    The worlds oldest joke and been posted here 100 times.

    no wonder your post count is so high. Post the same thread every two months

    Original Poster

    strike;3033707

    no wonder your post count is so high. Post the same thread every two … no wonder your post count is so high. Post the same thread every two months


    What a ''nice person'' you are !

    Banned

    snowtiger;3033757

    What a ''nice person'' you are !



    Keeping posting snow tiger :thumbsup:

    strike;3033707

    no wonder your post count is so high. Post the same thread every two … no wonder your post count is so high. Post the same thread every two months



    I haven't seen the thread before.

    Original Poster

    DLM;3033772

    Keeping posting snow tiger :thumbsup:


    Of course, wouldn't let someone like that put me off !

    Original Poster

    Marina;3033789

    I haven't seen the thread before.


    bless ya xx

    We got extra piccies this time!!
    :giggle:
    All good snowtiger. Now please touch wood for the

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an … By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.


    please, as I will be flying with them next year!!

    Banned

    DLM;3033772

    Keeping posting snow tiger :thumbsup:



    Yep, keep on educating and entertaining Snowtiger, 99% of posters will back you up! :thumbsup:

    Cat installed :-D brilliant!

    Original Poster

    chesso;3035457

    We got extra piccies this time!!:giggle: [COLOR=darkred]that's right ! … We got extra piccies this time!!:giggle: [COLOR=darkred]that's right ! .......... hehe ;-)[/COLOR]All good snowtiger. Now please touch wood for the please, as I will be flying with them next year!!



    [COLOR=darkred]Consider the wood well & truely touched ... ! :thumbsup:[/COLOR]

    Original Poster

    churchy2704;3035478

    Yep, keep on educating and entertaining Snowtiger, 99% of posters will … Yep, keep on educating and entertaining Snowtiger, 99% of posters will back you up! :thumbsup:


    :thumbsup: Cheers Churchy x

    snowtiger;3033601

    How about this one ? … How about this one ? !![CENTER][URL="javascript:void%20window.open('/mambots/editors/mosce/jscripts/tiny_mce/popupImage.php?img=http://www.gotforwards.com/images/stories/content/good_paint_jobs1.jpg\&title=good_paint_jobs1.jpg\&mode=basic\&imgwidth=576\&imgheight=432\&print=0&save=0','Popup','width=576,height=432,location=no,menubar=no,scrollbars=no,status=no,toolbar=no,resizable=no,screenX=128,screenY=0');"][/URL][/CENTER]




    I must have seen this picture, what number shall we use, I know, 100 times before. :whistling:
    Still makes me laugh Snowtiger. Keep posting. I love it.
    :thumbsup:

    chesso;3035457

    We got extra piccies this time!!:giggle:All good snowtiger. Now please … We got extra piccies this time!!:giggle:All good snowtiger. Now please touch wood for the please, as I will be flying with them next year!!



    Dont want to be a scaremonger but....... ]clicky

    Sorry :oops:

    Monkeybumcheeks;3037805

    Dont want to be a scaremonger but....... ]clickySorry :oops:



    I think they'll be checking that it won't happen again. Where's the jittery, finger-nail biting smilie??
    [SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Touch Wood - now!!.[/COLOR][/SIZE]

    chesso;3037976

    I think they'll be checking that it won't happen again. Where's the … I think they'll be checking that it won't happen again. Where's the jittery, finger-nail biting smilie??[SIZE="2"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Touch Wood - now!!.[/COLOR][/SIZE]



    If I "touch wood" too often I'd get a name for myself .......
    You're right, these things dont happen too often with Qantas, thats only the second time this week :w00t:

    Keep posting threads like this......I found it funny anyway. :-D

    Original Poster

    realfriendlyman;3038045

    Keep posting threads like this......I found it funny anyway. :-D


    Thankyou RFM
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