Ray the old time sailor does about 3 knots!!!!!!!!!

Banned 10 replies
Found 19th Aug 2008
Ray, an old retired sailor, puts on his old uniform and heads for the docks once more for old times sake.

He engages a 'lady of the night' and she takes him up to her room.

He's soon going at it as well as he can for his age, but needing some reassurance he asks her "How am I doing?"

The prostitute replies, 'Well Ray, for an old sailor, you're doing about three knots."

"Three knots?" he asks, "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

She replies, "You're knot hard. You're knot in. And you're knot getting your money back."


  1. Misc
  2. Joke
  1. Misc
  2. Joke

lmfao !!!!!!!! :w00t:


:lol: knot bad !!

:pirate: And it's knot me

Sticking with the theme;

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the sea.

When she went down the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears and took pity on her.

"Look, you've got a lot to live for, " he said. "I'm off to America in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later during a routine search, the captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors", she explained. "He's taking me to America, and he's feeding me."

"What are you doing for him?" said the captain.

"He's shafting me" said the girl.

"He certainly is," replied the captain.

"This is the Woolwich ferry!"

Original Poster Banned

hehe. Very good.


hehe. Very good.

As you liked it one more joke;

On the evening of the Royal wedding, Sophie was becoming somewhat uncomfortable in her regal attire: Unfortunately, the shoes she had worn that day were a bit too small and, by the time the festivities were over, Sophie's feet were in agony.

When Sophie and Edward withdrew to their bridal suite, the only thing she could think of was getting her ill-fitting shoes off.

The rest of the Royal Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream.

Eventually they heard Edward say, "God, that was tight."

"There," whispered the Queen. "I told you Sophie was a virgin."

Then, to their surprise, they heard Edward say, "Right. Now for the other one."

This was followed by even more grunting and straining and at last Edward exclaimed, "My God! That was even tighter!"

"That's my boy," said the Duke. "Once a sailor, always a sailor!"

Original Poster Banned

hehe. Had heard that one before though.

I Like it.

:giggle: nice ones
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