Relationship advice - Updated 23/02/09

69 replies
Found 13th Feb 2009
Ok well i thought i may as well ask for some advice on here seeing as i tried talking to mates but none of them no what to say as they feel caught in the middle. Here goes-

Tomorrow was supposed to be the best day of my life, i was supposed to be getting engaged (found out thanks to one of my mates lettign slip) anyhows two weeks ago my em now ex decided that they didnt actually want a r'ship (2 years 7months late!) but want to 'do their thing'.

After probing enough i found it was so they could do what they want i.e hang out with mates when they want (not that they couldnt before though) and if they wanted go with other people. But during a long heart to heart last night they said they didnt think they would go with someone else but couldn't be sure but they also said they thought when they got their thoughts sorted out they would probably realise they wanted me.

So what would you do?
a. Bide my time and hope they want me?
b. Let them go with others and then wait and see if they want me?
c. Play them at their own game and go with some randomer 1st?
d. Cut all ties?
e. Do something else?
f. remain friends?

Oh and i'm female!"

Update - He already has a new girlfriend

So much for wanting freedom seems all along he just started to fancy someone new and ugly lol

  1. Misc
Groups
  1. Misc
69 Comments

Get rid.

e - dont post it on a forum, becuase you'll never take anyone elses advice, only you will know the best course of action (which totally contradicts the point of this post) but i hope you get the point

get rid allstar. You have always sounded like a cool chick, and have great hobbies and interests. Your sporty and fun, with a love of consoles too...

Shouldn't be hard for you to find someone else who isn't trying to have their cake and eat it

MinstrelMan;4368365

e - dont post it on a forum, becuase you'll never take anyone elses … e - dont post it on a forum, becuase you'll never take anyone elses advice, only you will know the best course of action (which totally contradicts the point of this post) but i hope you get the point



I heard She took your advice last time...

hotukdeals.com/ite…es/ :-D

Original Poster

MinstrelMan;4368365

e - dont post it on a forum, becuase you'll never take anyone elses … e - dont post it on a forum, becuase you'll never take anyone elses advice, only you will know the best course of action (which totally contradicts the point of this post) but i hope you get the point



Thats the thing i actually dont know the best course of action, i think the bit that makes me so uncertain is as a result of us spliting up im having to move home which means i'm gonna be an hour from any of my mates expect them.

bazzaric;4368374

get rid allstar. You have always sounded like a cool chick, and have … get rid allstar. You have always sounded like a cool chick, and have great hobbies and interests. Your sporty and fun, with a love of consoles too...Shouldn't be hard for you to find someone else who isn't trying to have their cake and eat it



Maybe your right, maybe need to get myself back into the club scene :oops:

d and e

"they also said they thought when they got their thoughts sorted out they would probably realise they wanted me"

this part really stuck out for me. Sounds like they want the best of both worlds. Like if it doesn't work out for them they know they have you on the backburner which IMO is not fair to you! I say d and e are your best options. Take care.

mhh1981;4368357

Get rid.


sound advice
Never play second best because you deserve better.
Why should you wait and hope? Don't put yourself through all that anguish.
This person is not worthy of you. Please consider this advice. My heart goes out to you for having to ask this question.

Move on. Games arn't funny and always end bitter.
Life is too short to waste it on waiting for someone to make up their mind. Be strong & carry on. If he comes running back later, then it'll be coz he wants to and not that he feels guilty, then you can decide if you want to get back. Who knows, you might have someone else by then and he'll be kicking himself.

bazzaric;4368395

I heard She took your advice last … I heard She took your advice last time...http://www.hotukdeals.com/item/228937/office-work-clothes/ :-D



my advice is fantastical!
:thumbsup:

get rid of him. he aint worth it

well this is going to sound very blunt, but from what you have said, it sounds like she has cold feet about the whole relationship. Perhaps the seriousness of her feelings for you ( and yes I think she had em or she wouldn't have considered getting engaged ) made her do a double think about what she wants from life.

I think the most sensible thing is to let her have her freedom for now. Crowding her is just going to make her feel enclosed and "trapped". That isnt to say that you can't make it clear to her you still love her and you're gutted to have to let her go, but if that's what she wants that's what you'll do. That should make her think twice about whether she wants her "freedom" after all.

Give her this time and space to figure out what it is she really wants. Better for her to get cold feet now than after 5 yrs of marriage when you have kids and a home and so much more to lose.

Meanwhile you're going to have to fill your time so you're not stuck at home feeling depressed. Catch up with some old friends. Go see that movie you've been thinking about. Take up a new sport and get fit. Anything to keep your mind busy.... and with any luck she might realise just what it is she's been missing.

Good luck with it all. I'm so sorry you're going through this xxx

P.S. I'm not sure from your OP what gender you and your partner are, but eiter way, it isn't relevant xxx

mod

I'm not sure if you are the male or the female here.Or any idea of your age. Knowing both would be useful. But I think reading between the lines that you are the bloke and late teens / early 20's??. But the advice is probably the same whatever sex you are.So here goes.....
No point hanging on and waiting around. Probably nothing will happen in the future if you do.
So, get out there, have fun and if you stumble upon a new relationship in the meantime then whooppee. But if you don't then at least you aren't mulling around feeling sorry for yourself.
If your ex sees that you are having a damn fine time without her(him?) it might make her(him?) think twice; and if it doesn't, you can hold your head high.
If you don't get back together in the future then it will be for the best. And I know it will hurt now and for a while yet but it always gets better. And you will be stronger and wiser for your next relationship.
And, when the time is right. Don't go looking for a relationship, let it come and find you. From experience if you go looking for a relationship you can come across as desperate.
Anyway. Good luck with whatever happens.
Don't do c) for the sake of it.

dont let him mess y ou about and be there waiting - cos if he knows this and gets away with it - it will happen again, be strong , i say if you really want him tell him straight, sort it or get lost

MinstrelMan;4368440

my advice is fantastical! :thumbsup:



Do you have any advice for me then "O Wise One" , or am I beyond help?

cassieismydoggie;4368478

Do you have any advice for me then "O Wise One" , or am I beyond help?



probably beyond help knowing you but I'll give it a go.....

what is your boggle dear child?

D and E
Get rid..dont get used

andywedge;4368469

I'm not sure if you are the male or the female here.Or any idea of your … I'm not sure if you are the male or the female here.Or any idea of your age. Knowing both would be useful. But I think reading between the lines that you are the bloke and late teens / early 20's??. But the advice is probably the same whatever sex you are.So here goes.....No point hanging on and waiting around. Probably nothing will happen in the future if you do.So, get out there, have fun and if you stumble upon a new relationship in the meantime then whooppee. But if you don't then at least you aren't mulling around feeling sorry for yourself.If your ex sees that you are having a damn fine time without her(him?) it might make her(him?) think twice; and if it doesn't, you can hold your head high.If you don't get back together in the future then it will be for the best. And I know it will hurt now and for a while yet but it always gets better. And you will be stronger and wiser for your next relationship.And, when the time is right. Don't go looking for a relationship, let it come and find you. From experience if you go looking for a relationship you can come across as desperate. Anyway. Good luck with whatever happens.Don't do c) for the sake of it.



+1 excellent post, totally agree x

A little unsure why OP is playing the pronoun game... lol

Advice should be the same whatever the dynamics of the relationship: Don't put up with being treated badly.

MM u nutter...bra and panties!!! at ur workplace yeah but not everywhere else!!

Allstar some good advice here...defo agree u shouldnt wait for him to mess u around... esp if he was gonna propose to u in paris and now does a major u-turn!! weird!!

CS u r always so straight forward! hehe

MinstrelMan;4368502

probably beyond help knowing you but I'll give it a go.....what is your … probably beyond help knowing you but I'll give it a go.....what is your boggle dear child?



My boggle? :? I take it you mean "whassap" ?

Well, its a long story so I won't bore you too much .. but to get straight to the point .... Do I or don't I??? :thinking:


(bear in mind this is a life changing decision here .... i'm relying on you ... my future rests in your hands :thumbsup: )

D - plain and simple. I wouldn't even have to think about it. If someone isn't sure about their feelings for you, then you don't really have a meaningful relationship. Just feel lucky you know now and not after engagement/marriage.

]http//ne…stm

this guys knows it all, NY Times bestseller...........

magicbeans;4368563

MM u nutter...bra and panties!!! at ur workplace yeah but not everywhere … MM u nutter...bra and panties!!! at ur workplace yeah but not everywhere else!!



Yeah you know you wanna come work with me...... must admit my bra is chaffing today though :x

cassieismydoggie;4368573

My boggle? :? I take it you mean "whassap" ?Well, its a long story so I … My boggle? :? I take it you mean "whassap" ?Well, its a long story so I won't bore you too much .. but to get straight to the point .... Do I or don't I??? :thinking:(bear in mind this is a life changing decision here .... i'm relying on you ... my future rests in your hands :thumbsup: )



Yeah thats exactly what I meant...... as for the advice....... DO

at least then you know you wont always be wondering about what could have been, deal with the consequences if any when the time comes :thumbsup:

MinstrelMan;4368676

Yeah you know you wanna come work with me...... must admit my bra is … Yeah you know you wanna come work with me...... must admit my bra is chaffing today though :xYeah thats exactly what I meant...... as for the advice....... DOat least then you know you wont always be wondering about what could have been, deal with the consequences if any when the time comes :thumbsup:



I'm doing it now, thanks :thumbsup:

mhh1981;4368357

Get rid.



Jeez man...i know shes just out of a relationship and all that but surely she can't be that easy.

starsparkle2311;4368349

d and e:thumbsup:



that

Defo get rid or you'll end up on Jeremy Kyle, not good x

friends is fake, ditch the idiot and move on to better than him

Sounds to me like someone who wants to go out and play the field, and is leaving you hanging on just a bit so that if the 'grass isn't greener' on the other side he can come back to you.

He isn't worth it, and I know thats easy for me and others to say but you will be so much better off without him. Go out and enjoy yourself. Don't go looking for a relationship as those ones will probably never work out, it's like a rebound / revenge thing.

Try to stop and avoid all contact with him, don't let him still get to you, just cut your ties and live your life, he will soon see what he is missing

Feel free to PM me should you need anyone to talk to

If he was thinking of proposing tomorrow then he obviously loves you - but maybe he feels too young to settle down and wants to experience life a little more. Give him his freedom, get on with your life without waiting for him, and if it is true love he'll soon realise what a mistake he;s made and come running back. Then it will be up to you what to do.
Similar happened nearly 20 years ago to my friends brother - his GF left him to 'discover' herself. After 6months she realised that he was the man for her after all, and now they're happily married with 3 kids.
All the best with whatever you decide to do - it can't be easy. But take control and you'll feel much better for it.

You must be devastated AS. :friends:
I don't think that you need to make any decisions at all about your relationship ( or lack of it ATM) just now.
If it were me, I'd be quietly licking my emotional wounds. My first thought was that he has got cold feet ( hate that in bed!) and his mates have made him think that the grass is greener. It seems that he's got some thinking to do but I think that's not too bad an idea before you commit to spend the rest of your life with someone.
Just see how it goes. Go home for the w/e and let your parents spoil you a bit, unless you've got a football match. Work next week - keep occupied, see how you yourself actually feel in a week's time. You might be thinking that you fancy a bit of a 'break'.
xx

edit: I see that bluedave is thinking along the same lines.

I'd just keep it friendly but that's all. Don't do anything for revenge or play any games and I personally wouldn't get back with them if later down the line they say they want you back. Just have a casual friendship and move on with your life. You deserve to be with someone who is 100% sure that they want you and only you.

ClarityofMind;4368466

well this is going to sound very blunt, but from what you have said, it … well this is going to sound very blunt, but from what you have said, it sounds like she has cold feet about the whole relationship. Perhaps the seriousness of her feelings for you ( and yes I think she had em or she wouldn't have considered getting engaged ) made her do a double think about what she wants from life. I think the most sensible thing is to let her have her freedom for now. Crowding her is just going to make her feel enclosed and "trapped". That isnt to say that you can't make it clear to her you still love her and you're gutted to have to let her go, but if that's what she wants that's what you'll do. That should make her think twice about whether she wants her "freedom" after all.Give her this time and space to figure out what it is she really wants. Better for her to get cold feet now than after 5 yrs of marriage when you have kids and a home and so much more to lose.Meanwhile you're going to have to fill your time so you're not stuck at home feeling depressed. Catch up with some old friends. Go see that movie you've been thinking about. Take up a new sport and get fit. Anything to keep your mind busy.... and with any luck she might realise just what it is she's been missing. Good luck with it all. I'm so sorry you're going through this xxxP.S. I'm not sure from your OP what gender you and your partner are, but eiter way, it isn't relevant xxx



Do this, best bit of advice I've heard in a while...

let the bint go and do her thing , you go and do yours..

don't be waiting around like a hopeless girl ;-)

guys, the op is female! lol

c, as long as im that randomer!

;-)

caz1cool;4371168

guys, the op is female! lol





......and :?

owlass;4371219

......and :?



was she in a relationship with a female?
you said let the bint go do her thing....


as for the OP's question, theres no point clucking at straws if he/she really liked you they wouldnt be messing about with your feelings so yea go out and have fun :-D
Post a comment
Avatar
@
    Text
    Top Discussions
    1. word association Game74244916
    2. Add one, leave one game54415442
    3. The never ending counting with pictures thread !4604813
    4. 75% off Sky TV for existing customers. Only works when you call the specifi…18226645

    See more discussions