School complaining

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Found 8th Mar
can always trust hdukers to be brutal and honest so when is it OK to make a complaint to a school im not happy my son is being kept safe or fairly treated
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To give an opinion I think we would need more information, eg is your son 5 or 15 , should he be able to stand up for himself to a certain level or is he of an age where parental input is more necessary.

However every child should be safe at school , again an example of what you mean would help.
Safe is a very worrying word. I wouldn't want what follows to be seen as a delay.

You act when you have amassed evidence that intelligent, impartial friends who you trust to be honest with you and who's opinion you will listen to in silence, review and concur with.

You will need the evidence to support your case and make the school take notice. If you say the B word, they will talk it down. If you challenge their authority or execution of their pastoral care, they will have to defend themselves vigorously. They have policies and procedures in place to manage people like you (and I) into a corner. You do not. So preparation of Objective views is everything. Subjective opinion can be discounted very easily.

You should also ask around other parents to see if your little darling is as good or as bad as you think. Be prepared for some surprises

The act of writing it down will cause you to think about where the root of the problem lies. More importantly, it will help you determine EXACTLY what the steps are that you will expect the school to take, otherwise they have some easy peasy, pre scripted bumfluff answers that you can agree to without realising how they have stitched you up.

I speak from experience.
" so when is it OK to make a complaint to a school im not happy my son is being kept safe"

Immediately. Why do you need to ask?
The school will always look after its own interests 1st and the kids interest last
He has asd. Pre half term another child hit him in the face with a wooden brick. Today he was scratched in the face by another child (teachers didn't even notice) and shock horror he didn't say anything until i asked
No he's not an angel but he's not violent to other children he's never retaliated he needs extra support but is the the process of waiting for funding i question if he needs support or a bodyguard at the mo
Sorry hes 5 in reception mainstream
ccnp24 m ago

Safe is a very worrying word. I wouldn't want what follows to be seen as …Safe is a very worrying word. I wouldn't want what follows to be seen as a delay.You act when you have amassed evidence that intelligent, impartial friends who you trust to be honest with you and who's opinion you will listen to in silence, review and concur with. You will need the evidence to support your case and make the school take notice. If you say the B word, they will talk it down. If you challenge their authority or execution of their pastoral care, they will have to defend themselves vigorously. They have policies and procedures in place to manage people like you (and I) into a corner. You do not. So preparation of Objective views is everything. Subjective opinion can be discounted very easily.You should also ask around other parents to see if your little darling is as good or as bad as you think. Be prepared for some surprisesThe act of writing it down will cause you to think about where the root of the problem lies. More importantly, it will help you determine EXACTLY what the steps are that you will expect the school to take, otherwise they have some easy peasy, pre scripted bumfluff answers that you can agree to without realising how they have stitched you up.I speak from experience.


By b are you refering to bullies its different kids and even the teacher has lost her temper and threw his shoes across classroom
Move him schools. If this is happening in reception then I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t get any better.

Personally, I wouldn’t go mainstream unless they have a lot of support. My brother has ASD too and only managed to go to mainstream because of the amount of support he has, but that hasn’t stopped the bullying in secondary school.
Edited by: "Mechtup" 8th Mar
Mechtup6 m ago

Move him schools. If this is actions in reception then I wouldn’t be s …Move him schools. If this is actions in reception then I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t get any better.Personally, I wouldn’t go mainstream unless they have a lot of support. My brother has ASD too and only managed to go to mainstream because of the amount of support he has, but that hasn’t stopped the bullying in secondary school.


its a shame he's doing well School wise i hoped other children would help his quirks but its just rubbish that he's not being fully supported he had support at nursery but they have to reapply in reception for yr 1 ridiculous we are planning on moving anyway as its not the best area.....feel like home schooling him till we move!!
I would ask for a meeting with the teacher to start with to discuss your worries. It can take children a while to learn what's acceptable when they start school, so although it's hard as a parent to see your child hurt in any way , the other children might just need extra guidance themselves. Unfortunately children can be a little unpredictable at that age.

Also if your child has asd I would assume you are extra protective , particularly as there's every likelihood your son wouldn't necessarily know how to deal with such a situation on his own or how to vocalise what had happened.I would make sure I wrote down all of my concerns prior to meeting the teacher in order to remain calm and put your point across well.

If it's just these two incidents then I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment , but if these are just examples of regular occurrences then a plan needs to be put in place to help your son. Have you spoken to other parents , are they also experiencing the same issues ?
fijwood9 m ago

its a shame he's doing well School wise i hoped other children would … its a shame he's doing well School wise i hoped other children would help his quirks but its just rubbish that he's not being fully supported he had support at nursery but they have to reapply in reception for yr 1 ridiculous we are planning on moving anyway as its not the best area.....feel like home schooling him till we move!!


Or letting him be a kid until you move too change is stressful (as you probably know) for autistic people so home school may cause more harm than good.

Have you decided on where to move? If you have, a good idea would be to take your son down there to see the schools and see which one he prefers

Non-mainstream schools are the best because they offer the right support and they have things like sensory rooms which are soothing no matter what age (even beyond Year 6).

I’m high-functioning/ mildly autistic myself and went to mainstream with very little support because I was undiagnosed. Even once I was diagnosed, the damage had been done and the struggles of mainstream won’t be forgotten.

Just trying to make some helpful suggestions as you want the best for your son
fijwood25 m ago

By b are you refering to bullies its different kids and even the teacher …By b are you refering to bullies its different kids and even the teacher has lost her temper and threw his shoes across classroom


Taking you at your word;

Totally and utterly unacceptable behaviour under any circumstances from a teacher, let alone to an Autistic child. They have no place to hide and are probably not suited to teaching your child.

You need to be able to back this story up to get anywhere. Sorry but you do. Don't shoot the messenger. I have to suggest that you calmly consider if you are exaggerating, are over reacting, are in anyway to blame by hiding your child's issues or have ignored requests from the school or LEA or Trust etc to take steps.

Do you have a formal Autism diagnosis or is this your opinion? Is your child statemented? If not, you may want to investigate that route.

Letter (Recorded and duplicate kept) to the Head, copy to Governors/Deputy Head/LEA/OFSTED/DoE will get the ball rolling. Things will move very fast if an autistic child has been abused in this way.

Be prepared. You will have made an allegation that gets a teacher sacked and OFSTED involved with the Head in serious trouble. OR your get labelled a trouble maker and could find you have problems getting your child schooled. If the teacher is Union, then the Union may defend as well and they have money available.
fijwood34 m ago

He has asd. Pre half term another child hit him in the face with a wooden …He has asd. Pre half term another child hit him in the face with a wooden brick. Today he was scratched in the face by another child (teachers didn't even notice) and shock horror he didn't say anything until i asked


He didn't mention it till you asked, then why would the teacher have noticed it? Can't have traumatised him that badly if he forgot about it.

Children play and get rough, it's what children do. How do you know the other child didn't have a scratch on their face from your son and not mention it?

Teachers work hard and I'm sure will listen to any valid concern you have however treating kids with "kid" gloves for the sake of it won't help your child with either his ASD or in life. Get the teacher's email address or email the school directly, keep the emails as a record of what has been said and done.
tinkerbellian24 m ago

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher to start with to discuss your …I would ask for a meeting with the teacher to start with to discuss your worries. It can take children a while to learn what's acceptable when they start school, so although it's hard as a parent to see your child hurt in any way , the other children might just need extra guidance themselves. Unfortunately children can be a little unpredictable at that age.Also if your child has asd I would assume you are extra protective , particularly as there's every likelihood your son wouldn't necessarily know how to deal with such a situation on his own or how to vocalise what had happened.I would make sure I wrote down all of my concerns prior to meeting the teacher in order to remain calm and put your point across well.If it's just these two incidents then I wouldn't be too concerned at the moment , but if these are just examples of regular occurrences then a plan needs to be put in place to help your son. Have you spoken to other parents , are they also experiencing the same issues ?


No but uve rasied some good issues and hit the nail on the head i am protective it feels weekly something happens but not always something like this. I spoke to the teacher today but i was cross that he was scratched , nobody knew so it hadn't been cleaned and the other child wasn't told off for it. think i will see what happens tomorrow and start writing things down to myself so i have a record
Graham19799 m ago

He didn't mention it till you asked, then why would the teacher have …He didn't mention it till you asked, then why would the teacher have noticed it? Can't have traumatised him that badly if he forgot about it.Children play and get rough, it's what children do. How do you know the other child didn't have a scratch on their face from your son and not mention it?Teachers work hard and I'm sure will listen to any valid concern you have however treating kids with "kid" gloves for the sake of it won't help your child with either his ASD or in life. Get the teacher's email address or email the school directly, keep the emails as a record of what has been said and done.



WRONG in too many ways to even begin to discuss. You clearly have no such disability within your family or sphere of friends. Please reconsider.
Mechtup25 m ago

Or letting him be a kid until you move too change is stressful (as you …Or letting him be a kid until you move too change is stressful (as you probably know) for autistic people so home school may cause more harm than good.Have you decided on where to move? If you have, a good idea would be to take your son down there to see the schools and see which one he prefers :)Non-mainstream schools are the best because they offer the right support and they have things like sensory rooms which are soothing no matter what age (even beyond Year 6).I’m high-functioning/ mildly autistic myself and went to mainstream with very little support because I was undiagnosed. Even once I was diagnosed, the damage had been done and the struggles of mainstream won’t be forgotten.Just trying to make some helpful suggestions as you want the best for your son


That's interesting to know. Im sure im on the spectrum somewher too lol was diagnosed dyslexic at university but even then people struggled because im not thick just slow comprehension and quirky myself. I just want him to enjoy school and life its not all about grades and that for me as long as he's smiling im happy!!!
ccnp21 m ago

Taking you at your word;Totally and utterly unacceptable behaviour under …Taking you at your word;Totally and utterly unacceptable behaviour under any circumstances from a teacher, let alone to an Autistic child. They have no place to hide and are probably not suited to teaching your child. You need to be able to back this story up to get anywhere. Sorry but you do. Don't shoot the messenger. I have to suggest that you calmly consider if you are exaggerating, are over reacting, are in anyway to blame by hiding your child's issues or have ignored requests from the school or LEA or Trust etc to take steps. Do you have a formal Autism diagnosis or is this your opinion? Is your child statemented? If not, you may want to investigate that route. Letter (Recorded and duplicate kept) to the Head, copy to Governors/Deputy Head/LEA/OFSTED/DoE will get the ball rolling. Things will move very fast if an autistic child has been abused in this way.Be prepared. You will have made an allegation that gets a teacher sacked and OFSTED involved with the Head in serious trouble. OR your get labelled a trouble maker and could find you have problems getting your child schooled. If the teacher is Union, then the Union may defend as well and they have money available.


The teacher herself told me she had done it. She said she asks them to try my son persisted wafting shoes infront of her so she took them and threw them. She admitted she lost it was a long day wet play blar blar im not after revenge i just want the best for him!!
fijwood13 m ago

That's interesting to know. Im sure im on the spectrum somewher too lol …That's interesting to know. Im sure im on the spectrum somewher too lol was diagnosed dyslexic at university but even then people struggled because im not thick just slow comprehension and quirky myself. I just want him to enjoy school and life its not all about grades and that for me as long as he's smiling im happy!!!


Have you tried doing an autism test online to see the likelihood of you being autistic? My favourite one was My Mindchecker but unfortunately they removed it I can find a link to the same quiz/test but on a different website if you want?
Try School first but in my experience you have go higher before any listens. I had to go to the education authority before I got action on a teacher who thought she was psychiatrist.
summerof761 h, 36 m ago

The school will always look after its own interests 1st and the kids …The school will always look after its own interests 1st and the kids interest last



True to the T(fierce)
Having had experience of having a child with mild mental health problems I would let the attitude of your child guide your actions in the first instance. If he is generally happy at his school I would resist the urge to move him. If you start to see signs of resistance in going or clear changes in his character to what you can see is his normal demeanour, then maybe a change could be considered. Bearing in mind that you may be shifting the same problems to a new location. Your best chance of success is if you can build a strong relationship with his teacher, he/she needs to be on your side. As far as funding additional resources, I'm sad to say that this is going to be a battle for you for years to come, persistence is the key rather than anger when dealing with local authorities. Good luck and don't be itimidated by the educational establishment.
My son has High Funtioning Autism. We decided to send him to a special needs school right from the word go. It was the best thing we ever did with regards to his well being and education. He is now 17 and studying music at college. Think long and hard as to what will offer your child the best, I'm not just talking just about academic results. Then go for that route, and rememer it maybe a struggle but keep thing professional. I say this as if you believe they are in the right you will have to work with those members of staff. What I will also say is the differences will become even more apparent as they get older.
hubcms10th Mar

My son has High Funtioning Autism. We decided to send him to a special …My son has High Funtioning Autism. We decided to send him to a special needs school right from the word go. It was the best thing we ever did with regards to his well being and education. He is now 17 and studying music at college. Think long and hard as to what will offer your child the best, I'm not just talking just about academic results. Then go for that route, and rememer it maybe a struggle but keep thing professional. I say this as if you believe they are in the right you will have to work with those members of staff. What I will also say is the differences will become even more apparent as they get older.


Yeah at the moment i think mainstream is where he is best but i wonder as he gets older and have an open mind i don't care about academic i care about his mental happiness!!
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