Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
    'How old was your husband?'
    '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me'
    'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
    She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?

    Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
    'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
    She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

    The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

    I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries,
    a hip replacement, new knees,
    fought prostate cancer and diabetes
    I'm half blind,
    Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
    Take 40 different medications that
    Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have bouts with dementia ..
    Have poor circulation;
    Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
    Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98.
    Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
    I still have my driver's license.

    Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

    It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.


    Grant me the senility to forget the people
    I never liked anyway,
    The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
    The eyesight to tell the difference.

    Always Remember This:
    You don't stop laughing because you grow old,

    You grow old because you stop laughing!!!

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