Sillyness and musings

171
Found 1st May
Just got an phone call.
I've just won either £250 or two tickets for an Elvis Presley tribute act.
Now I have to press either
1 for the money or 2 for the show.....

Finger painting has become more popular than ever in nurseries and schools in Liverpool. It's been enforced by local Constabulary, as they want to get fingerprints on record from a early age.

Is gonna try and grow to 7'9" so my BMI will be normal.....

Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk,it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard. ...

TOP TIP!.....
Are you decorating your home? why not try playing some Justin Bieber maybe the wall paper might hang itself!

I said "Alexa what do women want?”
The thing has not shut up for the past three days!
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cloudthecat2 h, 9 m ago

LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!! You just made me LAUGH out LOUD!!! I didnt think of …LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!! You just made me LAUGH out LOUD!!! I didnt think of that!!! LOOOL!!! ! Quality!!!! LOL xxxxx


Calm down. It wasn't that funny
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
Two elderly couples had met up for a quiet dinner together.

While the females were chatting in the kitchen, Tom asked Harry" What was the name of the restaurant that you went to the other day, for your diamond wedding?"

Harry looked pained and was silent for a while and said" It is on the tip of my tongue but it seems to have gone. What do you call that flower they have on the international rugby shirts?

Tom looked perplexed and said "Do you mean the daffodil?

Harry shook his head and said "No the other one"

"Do you mean the rose then?"

Harry breathed a sigh of relief and said " Ah yes that is the one"

He then called out loudly "Rose what was the name of the restaurant we went to for our diamond wedding?"
171 Comments
What you going to buy with the money cloudy?

Shoes?
Wongy1102 m ago

What you going to buy with the money cloudy? Shoes?


LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!! You just made me LAUGH out LOUD!!! I didnt think of that!!! LOOOL!!! ! Quality!!!! LOL xxxxx
Wongy11010 m ago

What you going to buy with the money cloudy? Shoes?


should get some elvis cds - best of both worlds then
some people just have to make things difficult
Press 2, unless you don't like Elvis, in which case why did you enter the competition?
redcantona1 h, 31 m ago

Press 2, unless you don't like Elvis, in which case why did you enter the …Press 2, unless you don't like Elvis, in which case why did you enter the competition?


Then...........
get ready now go cat go













but don't you step on my blue suede shoes
Edited by: "philphil61" 1st May
LOOOOL!!!!!! LOOOOL!!!!!!!! ^^^^ ^^^^^ ^^^^^^
cloudthecat2 h, 9 m ago

LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!! You just made me LAUGH out LOUD!!! I didnt think of …LOL!!! LOL!!! LOL!! You just made me LAUGH out LOUD!!! I didnt think of that!!! LOOOL!!! ! Quality!!!! LOL xxxxx


Calm down. It wasn't that funny
My mate set me up on a blind date.
He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!
Never play heads or tails with a fish...
They win every time. ....
A man is recovering in hospital after being struck by falling jigsaw puzzle boxes. Police are piecing the evidence together as we speak..........
read a great book on gravity

could not put it down
Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night:

GF - "I've a confession to make, I used to be Christian"
Me - "That's not a problem, doesn't bother me in the slightest"
GF - "Brilliant, I much prefer being a Christine"
spoo4 m ago

Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a …Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a confession to make, I used to be Christian"Me - "That's not a problem, doesn't bother me in the slightest"GF - "Brilliant, I much prefer being a Christine"


Are we allowed to make funnies when it comes to trans, the lgbt will be frothing at that one.
spoo6 h, 24 m ago

Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a …Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a confession to make, I used to be Christian"Me - "That's not a problem, doesn't bother me in the slightest"GF - "Brilliant, I much prefer being a Christine"


OMG!!!! LMFAO!!!! LOL! LO!L LO!L !!!!!
What's the biggest cause of dry skin?
Towels.
If you steal the punctuation key from the judges keyboard, expect a long sentence..........
Went to a football match and I couldn't work out why the football was getting bigger.

Then it hit me.....
33739254-HaQC6.jpg
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking..........
......
So now I only go to pubs with mirrors.

So I was in Blackpool, and I saw this nice guest house....I stood at the gate and as I looked up I saw a woman opening her bedroom window.
“Can I help you?” she shouted.
“I’d like to stay here”, I replied.
”Well, stay there, then!” said the woman.
May the 4th be with you.


But beware the revenge of the 5th.....................
Edited by: "cloudthecat" 4th May
I wrote a song about a tortilla the other day.. ... Well actually it’s more of a wrap!
.......
Edited by: "cloudthecat" 4th May
What did one boob say to the other boob?

You are my BREAST friend!
I'm not sure that these are setting HUKD on fire tbh cloudy
“I contacted HUKDEALS just now and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance comment.. .. .. ..

They said: ‘Not you again!'
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
cloudthecat14 m ago

“I contacted HUKDEALS just now and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance com …“I contacted HUKDEALS just now and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance comment.. .. .. .. They said: ‘Not you again!'



33745496-Bin56.jpg
A boy is selling fish on a corner.
To get his customers' attention, he is yelling, "Dam fish for sale! Get your dam fish here!"

A pastor hears this and asks, "Why are you calling them 'dam fish.'"

The boy responds, "Because I caught these fish at the local dam."

The pastor buys a couple fish, takes them home to his wife, and asks her to cook the dam fish.

The wife responds surprised, "I didn't know it was acceptable for a preacher to speak that way."

He explains to her why they are dam fish.

Later at the dinner table, he asks his son to pass the dam fish. He responds,

"That's the spirit, Dad! Now pass the **&^*!i*ng potatoes!"

Instead of "The John," I call my toilet "The Jim."

That way it sounds better when I say......

I'm just going to the Jim first thing every morning.... ;-)
spoo2nd May

Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a …Conversation between me and my girlfriend last night: GF - "I've a confession to make, I used to be Christian"Me - "That's not a problem, doesn't bother me in the slightest"GF - "Brilliant, I much prefer being a Christine"



luckily...i was not drinking coffee at the time.
Somebody sent me this a while ago and it still cracks me up


facebook.com/dav…jE/
jaketheplumber33 m ago

Somebody sent me this a while ago and it still cracks me up Somebody sent me this a while ago and it still cracks me up https://www.facebook.com/dave.fagan.96/videos/2270399316307323/UzpfSTEwMDAxNDEyNjUzNjE3MjozODE3MjA5MzU2NDIxMjE/




Jake is that.... HRH ... you know? LOL She looks like Fergie!! ?!??!

Love his movements to this! BRILLIANT!!!!
How much does a pirate cost?
.. .. .. .. . ..

. . . .. . .. A Buck an ear!

Lady: Do you smoke?
Man: Yes
Lady: How many packs a day?
Man: 3 packs
Lady: How much per pack
Man: £10.00
Lady: And how long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years
Lady: So 1 pack cost £10.00 and you have 3 packs a day which puts your spending each month at £900. In one year, it would be £10,800 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: If in 1 year you spend £10,800 not accounting for inflation, the past 15 years puts your spending at £162,000 correct?
Man: Correct
Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you smoke?
Lady: No
Man: Where's your *!**!!*!* Ferrari then?
33756823-QMnlK.jpg
I went to see the National Orchestra of Bermuda earlier..... ....
..... .... ....It was great until the guy playing the triangle suddenly disappeared.
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant! :0
I saw a baguette in London Zoo earlier today.. .. Then I ralised it was bread in captivity.
Edited by: "cloudthecat" 11th May
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