stuck in work and need some REALLY funny jokes to make the day go faster

19
Found 4th May 2012
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19 Comments
Give me my feedback Lol
Why did Sara fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock, Knock
Who's there?
Not Sara.
Edited by: "AshUK1992" 4th May 2012
Banned
A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat b***h."
Banned
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f***** appendix out!"
Banned
Some random woman stopped me in the street today and started telling me a joke. It had all the ingredients of a good joke: child abuse; incestual rape; tears and suffering; but I didn't understand the punchline. Something about £2 a month?
Banned
The ginger woman at my work recently announced that she is pregnant by her black boyfriend. She was discussing possible baby names the other day, apparently "Terry The Chocolate Orange" is not tolerated and is enough to get you fired.
Original Poster
shauneco

Give me my feedback Lol



done
whats brown and sticky?






a.n.al
Edited by: "Emera1d" 4th May 2012
Paddys wife comes home from work, all her sex toys are nailed to the wall in a line.

She screams 'you dozy Irish barsteward,i wanted a dado rail!'
Wallet scam warning
In ASDA, whilst packing shopping into the car,you may be approached by two fit 18 year old Eastern European girls in tight, tiny tops.

They wash your screen with their tits up against the window and ask for a lift to the next ASDA as payment.

On the way they will strip down and perform oral sex on each other. One will then climb into the front and suck you off while the other attempts to steal your wallet!

I had mine stolen last Thursday Friday, Saturday, Twice on Sunday and once again today so BE CAREFUL!
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I refuse to be spoken to in that tone.
A guy has sex with his girlfriend,so she looks in the box of a dozen condoms and only sees that there are 5 left.

She asks, "What happend to rest of the condoms?" Boyfriend responds, "I masturbated into them". She says, "Oh really? guys do that". Boyfriend says, "yea definitely".

The next day next she is out with her guy friend and she tells him this story. she asked,"..you ever do that?" and her friend said, "hell yea all the time". She says, "Really? you jerk off into condoms?". He responds, "..Oh no I thought you meant do I ever lie to my girlfriend."



Picked up some Olympic condoms and said to the wife "i'll be going for gold tonight"
She replied, "fancy going for silver and coming second for a change"




Edited by: "boabbyrab" 4th May 2012
An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie,
a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian,
an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a
Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, a
Brazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walked
into a pub. The bouncer says “Sorry.. I can’t let you in without a
Thai”.
My best mate thinks he a smart b*st*rd. He said that onions are the only food that could make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
i made a romantic meal for my gf and called out "honey, dinner is ready". Then i heard the s3xual pleasure as she replied "mmmmm, just coming baby" and she let out a giggle. So i walked in to the lounge to find her laying naked sedectively stroking her cat (you know what i mean) "why dont you make me come" she purred. So i punched her in the face and screamed "FEKING DINNER NOW!!!!!"




I dont condone beating woman but the joke is good
Banned
Toecutter

An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie,a … An Englishman, a Scotsman, a Norwegian, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie,a Yank, an Egyptian, a Jap, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Greek, a Russian,an Estonian, a German, an Italian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, aFinn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Czech, aBrazilian, a Canadian, an Argentinian, a Korean and a Swiss man walkedinto a pub. The bouncer says “Sorry.. I can’t let you in without aThai”.



http://roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/funny-celebrity-pictures-thats-racist.jpg
Q. What do u call a woman who knows where her husband is every nigth?
A. A widow.........
“Doctor, doctor,I’m so worried,” said the anxious man. “Both my wife and Ihave black hair, but our son’s just been born with red hair.
Do you think something funny has been going on?” “Not necessarily,” replied the doctor. “How many times do you have sex?”
“About 5 times a year.”
“Well,there’s your answer then, you’re just a little rusty.”


5year old wakes up to a bad dream running to his mum/dads room only to find that his mum is jumping on top of his dad.
He later screams and runs to his room more afraid then he already was. The mother quickly gowns up and heads to the child's room explaining what he saw. "
I was just helping daddy lose some extra pounds by jumping on his stomach" The child smirks and later laughs saying "Your wasting your time"
Mother " Why?"
Child "because every morning after you go to work, our neighbour just blows it back up"
I was having a water fight with the kids down the local park
I won.. no one's a match for me and my kettle.
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