Tell Us A Joke!

I thought i'd start a thread where anyone can tell a joke.

The joke can be long or short but it must be really funny or so bad that you laugh any way (my first joke is actually neither, but i don't lead by example).

So, here goes:

How much do pirate earrings cost?

About a buck-an-ear.

30 Comments

How do you get a monkey out of a tree?





Make a noise like a banana

A penguin walks into a bar and asks the barman "has my brother been in here"
Barman replies,

"I don't know, WHAT Does He Look Like"

Where did you receive your training?"
"Yale."
"Good, and what's your name?"
"Yim Yohnson."

Im glad none of you are comedians. Its done like this.........


What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.

LMAO:|

What do you call a fly with no wings?


A walk!!!

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

harvie316;1670572

Im glad none of you are comedians. Its done like this......... What do … Im glad none of you are comedians. Its done like this......... What do you call a sheep with no legs?A cloud.LMAO:|



http://th248.photobucket.com/albums/gg187/nesianstyle84/th_lol.gif


http://th200.photobucket.com/albums/aa18/Hockey_Arena/th_.jpg

Q: What is the difference between a frog?





A: One of its legs are both the same

gav989;1670622

Q: What is the difference between a frog?A: One of its legs are both the … Q: What is the difference between a frog?A: One of its legs are both the same




Now THAT is my sense of humour, right there :thumbsup:

Whats Black & White and eats like a horse ??















A ZEBRA

What do you call a fish with no eye?

A fsh

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell?

Another lawyer.

and for a longer one...


A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at
him.
She says hello.
He's rather taken aback because he can't place where he knows her from. So
he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to
his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my stag night
that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your
partner whipped my bottom with wet celery???"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No mate, I'm your son's
teacher."

raptorcigs;1670593

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a … A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear."What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."



Its a cracker :-D :thumbsup:

How do you cook a lady monkey?

Gorilla.

Banned

You just reminded me with the topic header of one of my websites! ]tellusajoke.co.uk

Never did get round to playing with it properly and populating it with a few decent jokes!

If anyone wants to have a dabble with their own "joke website" drop me a PM with your email address and I will see if I can dig out the template so you can use for free at your leisure....

Original Poster

Great minds think alike i suppose

I went to see my friend's new baby.....

She asked if I would like to Wind it.....

I thought this was a bit harsh...

So I just gave it a "dead leg".......:roll::p

Two Monkeys in a bath, one says ooh ooh ah ahh

The other says, well put some more cold in
(wow how I waste my early finish days)

rangermastiffs;1673379

I went to see my friend's new baby.....She asked if I would like to Wind … I went to see my friend's new baby.....She asked if I would like to Wind it.....I thought this was a bit harsh...So I just gave it a "dead leg".......:roll::p



im still laughing rep given

Knock Knock?






Whos There?













Not Maddie Mcann

Banned

bit sick aint it vengod, joke are supposed to make ya laff

I liked it


sorry.

Banned

vengod;1800113

I liked it :|sorry.



well i didnt, sorry ;-(

made me laff

A blonde woman asks why a farmer has L & R on his wellies...
"They stand for left and right so I don't put them on the wrong way round" he replies.
"I see" says the blonde "now I know why I have C & A in my knickers"
:whistling:

BlasterLad;1800203

A blonde woman asks why a farmer has L & R on his wellies..."They stand … A blonde woman asks why a farmer has L & R on his wellies..."They stand for left and right so I don't put them on the wrong way round" he replies."I see" says the blonde "now I know why I have C & A in my knickers":whistling:



LOL :w00t:

Why did the chicken cross the park?

To get to the other slide

A dustman is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart lorry.

He gets to one house where the bin hasn't been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can't see it so he knocks on the door.

There's no answer so he knocks again.

Eventually a Chinese bloke answers... "Harro", says the Chineseman.

"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman

"I bin on toilet" replies the Chinese bloke, looking perplexed.

Realising the Chinese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's ya dust bin?"

"I dust bin on toilet I told you" says the Chinese man.

"Mate" says the dustman... "you're misunderstanding me...where's your Wheely Bin?"

"OK" "OK" , the chinaman says, "I wheely bin having w***."

Banned

As Ive had a couple of requests for setting up a joke site, Ive uploaded it for easy retreival.

Free to use, if anyone else is interested.

]Click to download.

I know we shouldn't , but ---- another chinese joke....

Man in chinese restaurant struggling to eat his tough bit of chicken.
Calls over waiter . " Waiter, this chicken is rubbery".
" Thank you sir " says the waiter.
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