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The friday afternoon rubbish joke thread-do yer worst!

25
Found 30th Jul 2010
Do they make "do not touch" signs in braille?

q. how many alzheimers sufferers does it take to change a lightbulb?

a.to get to the other side

q.why are there no painkillers in the jungle?

a.because the parrots eat em all!

q.why are there no paracetamol in the jungle?

a.because selling pharmaceuticals in a sparsely populated rainforest is an unsustainable business model.


my name is josef fritzl,and NO windows was my idea!

every one dreadful-beat that!

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i like them!

what do you call a dinosaur with one eye?

Doyouthinkhesawus! (do you think he saw us)

What's E.T short for?

.....well he's got little legs hasn't he!

Banned

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

the branch snapped. HAHAHA LOL ROFL PSML

that was my worst

why did the cat cross the road?

because he was stapled to the chicken

q. What's brown and sticky?

a. A stick

What's green and leafy?
A stick insect

A man walks into a bar ouch

How are a chicken and a grape alike?
They are both purple... except for the chicken.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho Cheese.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
He pasta way.

What do you call a Norwegian prostitute?

A Fjord Escort

What do you call a dinosaur that has just eaten a vindaloo curry?
A MEGASAURARSE

Ive just started selling DIY bomb making kits which are disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Wont be messaging for a while. Nicked a load of swimming inflatables. i need to LILO for a while.

Anyone know where Jeopardy is ???? it seems there's 5,000 jobs there

who's the coolest person in the hospital?

the ultra-sound guy.

who's the coolest when the ultra-sound guy is out?

the hip replacement dude.

Why did the scare-crow win an award?

He was outstanding in his field.

Banned

What does a man with a 2 ft c*ck have for breakfast?


This morning I had toast

zurich

who's the coolest person in the hospital?the ultra-sound guy.who's the … who's the coolest person in the hospital?the ultra-sound guy.who's the coolest when the ultra-sound guy is out?the hip replacement dude.



X)

Why were there rabbits in the middle of the road?

cos it was a dual cabbage way

What do you get hanging from apple trees?

Sore arms!





what do you call a 3 legged donkey ?

a wonkey!

what did the grape say when someone stood on it?

nothing...it just let out a little wine!

Why did the toilet roll down the hill ?

to get to the bottom !

( 10 yr old daughters btw !!X) )


What do you call a woman who throws her bills on a fire ?

Bernadette !


What do you get if you cross a computer with a potato?


Micro chips !!



Why was the butcher worried ?

X)

His job was at steak !!

Edited by: "shopstilldrops" 30th Jul 2010

How much does it cost to buy earrings for a pirate?

About a buck-an-ear!

What do you call a Mexican who just had his car stolen ---- Carlos

What do you call a Mexican who has just left hospital ----- manuel

Why did the mexican push his wife off the cliff------ tequila!

What do mexicans call 2 player baskeball ----- juan on juan!!!

I'm here all week, try the veal!!!!

Banned


There are two pieces of tarmac sitting by the side of the bar, and they are having a drinking contest, to see which one is the hardest.

After 12 shots of vodka, both pieces of tarmac are still unphased, when suddenly the door opens and a red piece of tarmac walks in. On seeing the red piece of tarmac, one piece of tarmac runs straight for the toilets.

An hour later, he ventures out and discovers that the red piece of tarmac has left. The other piece of tarmac asks him why he ran off.

He replies "Haven't you heard about him? He's a cycle-path!"

How do you eat welsh cheese......caerphilly (carefully!!)

What's the similarity betweena lemon and a fire engine?

They're both red except for the lemon...
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