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    to every dad thinking of leaving, to every mum thinking of kicking him out

    Banned
    When I was 8 my mum and dad got me and my brother to sit with them downstairs in the living room to tell us that he was leaving. They gave no reason why just that he was leaving. My brother who was a year younger went running upstairs crying. I sat there speechless.

    Over the next few years he would see us every weekend. He was a policeman so I really looked up to him.

    When i was 14 I didn't want to see him anymore because all we did was go to asda. So my mum didn't make us go anymore. Then when I was 22 I wanted to see him again. But now he only wanted to shake my hand as a greeting.

    I got drunk one night and text him telling him not to forget us and that I didnt want to shake hands I wanted a hug.

    It took Councilling from two different counselors before I was near okay, they basically said stop expecting your dad to be the dad you wanted.

    I'm now 31, I'm still hung up on my dads absence. i see him more often than my mum now. even though she lives 5 miles away and him 10 x the distance. I still feel as distant from him as ever.

    every father son moment in films on TV in papers in stories gets me close to tears.

    I wish every day my mum had let him stay, he was a cheating bar steward. so I don't hold a grudge against her for that. I have kids of my own now, I've been there. had it offered on a plate. my first thought were my kids. I could never... ever put them through this. every Christmas is torture, just another year of when my dad wasn't there. this was the first Christmas in 23 years that he was here and it meant the world to me

    73 Comments

    Sometimes you don't get a choice....

    just forget the past and look to the future and do right by your kids my dad is rubbish too but lifes too short to worry about it
    happy new year

    If he stayed it would have been worse.

    Furthermore, he could have took you worse places than Asda

    Original Poster Banned

    I never saw or heard any arguing. at my wedding 5 years ago they danced with each other in front of their new partners. I was in tears. granted if the
    relationship results in domestic violence it's best to part.

    My Dad was leaving and I think I was about the same age you were. It was awful, you're so young but you know exactly what's going on. I went to the doors and locked them and hid the keys. Luckily for me my parents were able to sort themselves out. My Dad passed away in 1999, your Dad is still here so don't wait for the hug just hug him. Hope all works out OK and 2015 and beyond are the best ever.

    tearful

    Grr depressing start to the year. Must wipe away my man tears.

    Look on the bright side, at least your dad is alive.

    What can I say, OP.

    My heart is with you, but my mind believes your parents were just trying to protect you & your sibling.

    You were very young and as you say never saw any violence between them- well done to them.

    Your parents still live. You are now of an age of reason and have the opportunity to discuss your feelings with them - do so - they are not here for ever.

    I hope your brother is well.

    Kids don't expect there parents to be perfect just consistent so please don't try & over-compensate for your own experience.

    Take care!

    all police are dodgy

    Everyones different, we used to beg my mum to leave our dad, unfortunately she didn't and we had to put up with being sweared at, insulted, threatened with being kicked out the house and smacked round the ear at the drop of a hat.

    Such is life.

    Original Poster Banned

    he keeps trying to shake my hand but I go straight for the hug. he apologises for trying to shake my hand.

    had similar with my grandad who has been 'the' father figure in my life. always wanting to shake my hand. I go straight for the hug, he's the hero in my life.

    Original Poster Banned

    Error440

    threatened with being kicked out the house and smacked round the ear at … threatened with being kicked out the house and smacked round the ear at the drop of a hat. Such is life.



    my mum had a nervous break down when he did leave and took to using kitchen utensils and leather slippers. when we complained she threatened that child services would have us.

    some people just aren't the hugging type. Their first response is to shake hands.

    illbilly

    he keeps trying to shake my hand but I go straight for the hug. he … he keeps trying to shake my hand but I go straight for the hug. he apologises for trying to shake my hand. had similar with my grandad who has been 'the' father figure in my life. always wanting to shake my hand. I go straight for the hug, he's the hero in my life.



    Never hugged my parents, to me that would be a extremely odd thing to do, awkward and uncomfortable, we were not brought up to be all hugs and kisses.

    Error440

    Never hugged my parents, to me that would be a extremely odd thing to do, … Never hugged my parents, to me that would be a extremely odd thing to do, awkward and uncomfortable, we were not brought up to be all hugs and kisses.


    Seriously? oO

    Hey you could of had my step dad, he beat the crap out of me physically and mentally for 12 years turned me from a confident and fun loving little boy to an anxious and easily intimidated young adult, it took many years to regain my confidence, where was my real dad? where was my mum? Now I live a million miles away from all of the abusers and my real dad died before I ever saw him again.

    What i learnt was that I will do better for my children, and that all that matters is your own family and what you make of it, you cant feel guilty or upset over other peoples actions, but in all fairness you have him in your life and you can work on the relationship,

    Everybody makes mistakes in life, some are worse than others and we always live to regret. Sometimes it takes a long time to realise. Just make sure that you are there when family want you.
    My parents died within months of each other, mum had 15 years of cancer and remission from the time I was a teenager. After she died my dad got ill and was repeatedly sent home from hospital before sepsis killled him. As I say we all make mistakes, we just had a meeting with staff to stop others suffering.
    At times my parents arguing was hell, over time you understand even those you love can drive you mad.
    I would have loved to have had more time with my parents and for them to see my kids but it wasn't to be. At least I got to say goodbye & have great family around me.
    May you have a great new year, just do your best & be nice to others, one day you may need them.
    None of us are perfect.

    Transformers

    Seriously? oO



    Same here. My parents didn't show us any physical affection so hugging people was alien to me.

    fern37

    Same here. My parents didn't show us any physical affection so hugging … Same here. My parents didn't show us any physical affection so hugging people was alien to me.


    I find that very sad.

    Transformers

    I find that very sad.



    I've been disowned 26 years and I miss having parents. I just don't miss those who gave birth to me as I wasn't wanted!

    fern37

    Same here. My parents didn't show us any physical affection so hugging … Same here. My parents didn't show us any physical affection so hugging people was alien to me.



    Old fashioned values I reckon, no one in my family did hugs except those from abroad.

    fern37

    I've been disowned 26 years and I miss having parents. I just don't miss … I've been disowned 26 years and I miss having parents. I just don't miss those who gave birth to me as I wasn't wanted!



    Your wanted here Fern

    haritori

    Your wanted here Fern


    ^This.

    My family never hugged each other, some people just find it hard. But when it counts we do and a hug then seems to mean more.

    Banned

    Hugs are the best.

    Always moves me.

    Banned

    http://media.giphy.com/media/RrOLXli7uJZa8/giphy.gif

    Wrong way of doing it

    fern37

    I've been disowned 26 years and I miss having parents. I just don't miss … I've been disowned 26 years and I miss having parents. I just don't miss those who gave birth to me as I wasn't wanted!


    I will always want and need you

    op it was hard but it has made you a better person

    my dad went when I was 5, sis 3 and brother 1, it was hard we were very poor, mother had a nervious break down.

    you kids have a better dad for it

    I never hug

    I never touch or like to be touched even by the kids,

    I would love to have a massage but could not cope with the person touching me

    Banned

    A moving tale.
    I sometimes forget how things can be different for other people.

    Banned

    Thing is often when we are caught up moping over one thing, we overlook other areas of our lives for which we should be grateful. That's a form of neglect.

    My mum left when I was 3. Shortly afterwards I was taken into care to protect me from my drunk dad who would leave me at home.

    I was a mess, an angry young man until 14 yrs in the military focused my mind.

    I still have some issues, but I try to focus on the now, the present. You never know what's around the corner so don't fret about it and forget the past. What is done cannot be undone.

    I hope you are close to your brother OP.

    Learn from his mistakes and give your kids all the love and hugs you can!

    It is much easier to become a father than to be one.

    What happened in the past op, was sad, but you are lucky to have your dad in the present.

    Happy New Year and just enjoy seeing the ones you love as stressing over what has been and gone will use up your time and energy which could be better used in being happy today and onwards.

    My parents split when I was 2, my mother did a brilliant job raising 3 of us.
    I am distant from my Dad but i have never known any different.

    Your Dad being there this Christmas is good and hopefully will continue into the New Year. Its never to late to reconnect.

    Transformers

    I find that very sad.


    Why? Don't. I never hug my parents, I did as a child, but definitely not once I was over 12/13. As said above, it would just be awkward and extremely strange thing to do. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, I still love them and I'm sure they know it.
    I have my hubby for hugs!

    You decided to stop seeing him. Now you want to rectify your wrong and expect it all to go your way..... Have you apologised and told him you were wrong ? Don't bother saying ' I was young', ,,,,,,,, We were all young once, there is a right way and a wrong way to treat your parents......
    All to often men are stereotyped as uncaring narcissistic pigs, by women who are always the victim......
    Your dad was probably hurt and destroyed by your actions and now just reacts in a normal defensive way to protect himself from the hurt you caused in the first place. How can you guarantee you won't do it again? The answer is you can't!
    Time is a great healer but the scars will always be there.

    scottydoobuy

    just forget the past and look to the future and do right by your kids my … just forget the past and look to the future and do right by your kids my dad is rubbish too but lifes too short to worry about ithappy new year



    "just forget the past" = impossible

    "look to the future and do right by your kids" = tried that but it turned out the mother of my child was the bad one so now I'm denied contact

    "my dad is rubbish" = my dad isn't rubbish it was my mother (also aka Apollo (soft drinks company) bike but guess who I got to live with as a kid when I ran away from her I'd call him, he'd fetch me, she called the police because she had custody but still treated me like sh.. Yes my dad is old school and yes we aren't as close and I'm probably not his (more likely the ice scream man or milkman) but he's still my dad

    "life's too short to worry about it" = wish it was true but I'd wish more for people to think more about having kids and responsibility to those kids and not just about "themselves"

    IamMT

    What can I say, OP. My heart is with you, but my mind believes your … What can I say, OP. My heart is with you, but my mind believes your parents were just trying to protect you & your sibling. You were very young and as you say never saw any violence between them- well done to them.Your parents still live. You are now of an age of reason and have the opportunity to discuss your feelings with them - do so - they are not here for ever.I hope your brother is well.Kids don't expect there parents to be perfect just consistent so please don't try & over-compensate for your own experience.Take care!



    " but my mind believes your parents were just trying to protect you & your sibling" - not in all cases but I understand your comment

    Sometimes it's selfishness, sometimes it's irresponsible and sometimes it's lust not love.
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