Todays jokes

    Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is
    absolutely packed to the rafters.
    In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if
    Anyone would like him to play a request.
    A little old Japanese man jumps out of his seat in the first row
    And shouts at the top of his voice "Play a Jazz chord ! Play a jazz
    chord .
    Amazed that this guy knows about Stevie's varied career, the
    Blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a
    difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the
    whole place goes wild.
    The little old man jumps up again and shouts "No, no, play a Jazz
    chord, play a Jazz chord".
    A bit pissed off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he
    is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around
    the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes
    wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.
    The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play
    A jazz chord".
    Well and truly p*ssed off that this little guy doesn't seem to
    appreciate his playing ability Stevie says to him from the stage
    "OK smart ass. You get up here and do it !"
    The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the
    Mike and starts to sing . " A jazz chord to say I ruv you ."


    A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot.
    Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience, and he didn't dance a single step!"
    "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?"


    Everybody who has a dog calls him 'Rover' or 'Boy'. I call my dog 'Sex'

    Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to get his license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too." Then I said, "But this is a dog." He said I didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand, I've had Sex since I was 9 year old." He said I must have been quite a kid

    When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the hotel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand, Sex keeps me awake at night." The Clerk said "Me too."

    One day I entered Sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex entered in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand", I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on television." He called me a show-off

    When my wife and I separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honour, I had Sex before I got married." The judge said "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex had left me. He said, "Me too."

    Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked "What are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex..."

    My case comes up on Friday...


    a little boy runs up to his mother, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Leaf?"
    His Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a leaf fell on your head".

    The next day, his little sister runs up, saying "mummy, mummy! Why am I called Petal?"
    Mother replies: "because when you were a baby, a petal fell on your head".

    The next day, their little brother runs up, saying: "sgfkljds gflkfjd g 0fd0fdig-0gid gfdgfgfgfgfgf,,,,,.m mmmmagagggggggggggggg" *dribbles*.
    Mother says: "shut up, Fridge".


    Lmao - the first one is very funny :thumbsup:

    Thanks Salder ... enjoyed these :thumbsup:

    My joke of the day:--


    Original Poster Banned

    lol no probs

    loved the last one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hilarious !!!!!!!!
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