Found 3rd Nov 2008
(Think I've removed all the duplicates that have already been posted about 5 months back)

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.


Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, 'I'll give you some cream to put on it.'


Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

So I went to the dentist.
He said 'Say Aaah.'
I said 'Why?'
He said 'My dog's died.'

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said
'Who's speaking please?'
And a voice said 'You are.'

So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'
He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'.
And the dentist said to me
'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me
a lift?'

I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'

Two cannibals eating a clown.
One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?'

---------------- -----------------

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.


You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.


A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'


A man walked into the doctors, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several

The doctor said, 'well don't go to those places'


I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.


I got some HP sauce yesterday.
It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
------ ---------------------------

Two blondes walk into a'd think at least one of
them would have seen it.


Phone answering machine message -

'...If you want to buy the hash key...'


I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'


My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
A strong currant pulled him in.


A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't, I've cut your arms off'.


I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.
They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and t housands.

Police say that he topped himself.

Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small
two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

  1. Misc
  1. Misc

i'm still laughing at the elephant one!!!!!!!!!boom boom:w00t:

:thumbsup:Some oldies but they made me laugh!

[FONT=Arial]Excellent! Tommy Cooper really was a comedy genius.[/FONT] :-D:thumbsup:

Nice jokes :thumbsup:

Brilliant humour.. :thumbsup:
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