Very Lonely older gentleman in Hull in need of socialising, where can I get him some help?

40
Found 20th Feb
Hi everyone. (Please only serious responses)
There is an elderly man that comes in to my workplace to do abit of shopping and he is very lonely and it breaks my heart. He says he has nobody, his wife died a few years ago and they had no children so nobody at all. He comes in buys a few items then he will go outside and come back in and buy the same items again. I always go up and discreetly tell him and he is very thankful I do. He always feels abit silly and apologises and then starts to chat to me saying he thinks he keeps forgetting things because he doesn't see or speak to anybody.

I always keep an eye out for him but today aspecially got to me. I have been worried to mention the doctors to him as I didn't want to upset him or annoy him but today he did the same thing and I told him he's already bought the items and I chatted with him for a five minutes and he said again there's no help so I plucked up the courage to ask him have you seen the doctors about it to which he said yes they just give me lots pills but I think he maybe confused as to what the pills were for and I suspect he hasn't told the doctors about his mental health and he has nobody else around to realise.
I said it would be really nice if you could meet up with someone like yourself and have a chat and a cuppa and some biscuits and he agreed and oh yes.

I have been to my doctors tonight and asked them if they know of any services that might be of use or worth me passing on to him.
I worry he will get worse if he doesn't have more interaction.

So does anybody know of any service service that might be of help in this kind of situation.
Ive seen there is a befriending service where a volunteer will call or visit for 1hour per week through age uk which I think would be great for him but I do not know this man at all so I wouldn't want to refer him for anything without having spoken to him about it and if he would like something like that I will help him.
Any ideas or anybody know a service or a group that meet up to socialise or play cards or games specifically for older generation?
Sorry I have gone on abit, hope some of you make it to the end
He lives in Hull
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My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community centre. They have a good hot dinner then have an hour or so playing cards, bingo etc. You might find there is something similar near you
My heart goes out to the elderly gentleman.

I’ve no doubt that the HUKD posse will come up trumps on this one and give some sage advice.

Many thanks to you, @LeahsMintytoutou for looking out for our elderly folk and giving them the respect and concern they deserve.
psychobitchfromhell24 m ago

My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community …My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community centre. They have a good hot dinner then have an hour or so playing cards, bingo etc. You might find there is something similar near you


Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away to chat to him without being at work but I don't live near the shop. I'm thinking if I ask him for his address or phone number while I'm at work I won't have time to explain properly that I'll try to help him. Plus I'm thinking I may get into trouble for being overly close to him or something.
Thing is my boss is always breathing down my neck. She hates anybody talking to customers for more then showing them where an item is or serving them. It's a bit of a weird situation seeing as I don't know they guy. I'm going to try speak to him more next time I see him. He always remembers me so hopefully he won't take offence to me offering help
LeahsMintytoutou18 m ago

Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away …Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away to chat to him without being at work but I don't live near the shop. I'm thinking if I ask him for his address or phone number while I'm at work I won't have time to explain properly that I'll try to help him. Plus I'm thinking I may get into trouble for being overly close to him or something. Thing is my boss is always breathing down my neck. She hates anybody talking to customers for more then showing them where an item is or serving them. It's a bit of a weird situation seeing as I don't know they guy. I'm going to try speak to him more next time I see him. He always remembers me so hopefully he won't take offence to me offering help


So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to him, well done you for showing you care
40 Comments
My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community centre. They have a good hot dinner then have an hour or so playing cards, bingo etc. You might find there is something similar near you
Just saw the end of a news article on calendar about dementia, if you have ITV+1 it will be on at 7pm, I don't know if it will be informative or not.
My heart goes out to the elderly gentleman.

I’ve no doubt that the HUKD posse will come up trumps on this one and give some sage advice.

Many thanks to you, @LeahsMintytoutou for looking out for our elderly folk and giving them the respect and concern they deserve.
psychobitchfromhell24 m ago

My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community …My son volunteers at a lunch club for older people at our local community centre. They have a good hot dinner then have an hour or so playing cards, bingo etc. You might find there is something similar near you


Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away to chat to him without being at work but I don't live near the shop. I'm thinking if I ask him for his address or phone number while I'm at work I won't have time to explain properly that I'll try to help him. Plus I'm thinking I may get into trouble for being overly close to him or something.
Thing is my boss is always breathing down my neck. She hates anybody talking to customers for more then showing them where an item is or serving them. It's a bit of a weird situation seeing as I don't know they guy. I'm going to try speak to him more next time I see him. He always remembers me so hopefully he won't take offence to me offering help
shadey1213 m ago

Just saw the end of a news article on calendar about dementia, if you have …Just saw the end of a news article on calendar about dementia, if you have ITV+1 it will be on at 7pm, I don't know if it will be informative or not.


Yeah I just watched that too! It wasn't really much help though unfortunately
Try and find an age uk coffee morning or if you think he has memory difficulties then try the Alzheimer’s society, they have a number of memory cafes I believe.

These maybe a good place for him to interact with someone.
Wongy11023 m ago

http://www.mha.org.uk/community-support/live-home/hull-district/


This looks really good for him wongy, Thankyou. I'm going to try to ring them tomorrow. Thankyou
majestic201219 m ago

My heart goes out to the elderly gentleman.I’ve no doubt that the HUKD p …My heart goes out to the elderly gentleman.I’ve no doubt that the HUKD posse will come up trumps on this one and give some sage advice.Many thanks to you, @LeahsMintytoutou for looking out for our elderly folk and giving them the respect and concern they deserve.


Thankyou for your kind words
LeahsMintytoutou18 m ago

Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away …Something like that sounds perfect for him! I'm going to have to find away to chat to him without being at work but I don't live near the shop. I'm thinking if I ask him for his address or phone number while I'm at work I won't have time to explain properly that I'll try to help him. Plus I'm thinking I may get into trouble for being overly close to him or something. Thing is my boss is always breathing down my neck. She hates anybody talking to customers for more then showing them where an item is or serving them. It's a bit of a weird situation seeing as I don't know they guy. I'm going to try speak to him more next time I see him. He always remembers me so hopefully he won't take offence to me offering help


So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to him, well done you for showing you care
psychobitchfromhell6 m ago

So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to …So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to him, well done you for showing you care


Thankyou. I know it really does get to me when I see more customers coming to the till and I know I've got to serve them so I have to try to politely say I'm sorry but I'm going to have to serve these customers. He always understands, he is lovely but still I know he wants to have a chat. My boss just sees it like, I'm not paid to chat which is very sad when it's this kind of situation. The info that @Wongy110 linked in looks like it has help that includes things like where you said your son volunteers and that would be great. Fingers crossed
psychobitchfromhell27 m ago

So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to …So much for public spiritedness. You're doing a great job just chatting to him, well done you for showing you care


It was the same when II worked in a shop twenty years ago
you wouldthink it would be part of the job ? but no heaven forbid you got caught talking to the customers
Wongy1101 h, 21 m ago

It was the same when II worked in a shop twenty years agoyou wouldthink it …It was the same when II worked in a shop twenty years agoyou wouldthink it would be part of the job ? but no heaven forbid you got caught talking to the customers


Bring back the corner shop!
Flicking through the forums and came across this thread. Sadly I have nothing to add to the topic, but just wanted to chip in and say that I think it's lovely that you are going out of your way to help someone. Good on you OP.
Wongy1101 h, 24 m ago

It was the same when II worked in a shop twenty years agoyou wouldthink it …It was the same when II worked in a shop twenty years agoyou wouldthink it would be part of the job ? but no heaven forbid you got caught talking to the customers


Hope you find something and that he gets some company
psychobitchfromhell3 m ago

Bring back the corner shop!


Sounds like Tesco have bought nearly all of them.
Wongy1103 m ago

Sounds like Tesco have bought nearly all of them.


Yeah. Nowadays you don't even get anyone at the checkout. Funny old world. They're knocking the community centre down to build a sports centre this year. Wonder where the lunch club will go then?
psychobitchfromhell38 m ago

Yeah. Nowadays you don't even get anyone at the checkout. Funny old world. …Yeah. Nowadays you don't even get anyone at the checkout. Funny old world. They're knocking the community centre down to build a sports centre this year. Wonder where the lunch club will go then?


The sports centre will have a cafe
Bit of a long shot.......

...but there's an elderly gent on twitch. Link below

twitch.tv/spe…lip
cmdr_elito18 m ago

The sports centre will have a cafe


You aren't going to get the old folks going to a sports centre cafe. They go to the community centre to get a good square meal and a chat and a game of bingo. Won't do that in a sports centre cafe.
psychobitchfromhell10 m ago

You aren't going to get the old folks going to a sports centre cafe. They …You aren't going to get the old folks going to a sports centre cafe. They go to the community centre to get a good square meal and a chat and a game of bingo. Won't do that in a sports centre cafe.


Maybe they will take up yoga?
The two things I'd suggest would be for you and him to check out local clubs which may echo his interests, or to try some local volunteering.

There's always stuff going on which is looking for new members. In terms of volunteering opportunities, there will be things like nature conservation work (I've a friend who does this for a couple of hours every other saturday, along with a range of folk aged from their 10s to their 80s), charity shop work, stewarding for events, general help work (the NHS is particularly grateful for any support people may be able to offer it), and there are bound to be some clubs which match his interests. I've a neighbour who plays in a band collective, but there are other things around, like choirs, photography, reading, and whatever else you could imagine.

You could invite him out for a coffee, and sit with him and your laptop while you looked up the stuff and dug out contact details and the like.
Tell him to join this site he will make loads of mates
ashmac2 h, 40 m ago

Tell him to join this site he will make loads of mates


He will just loose all his money buying bunch of useless stuff...
Get him a Dog! Seriously... he will have someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone to go and walk out with, and again- Someone to talk and not feel lonely!
Tom_Reys2 h, 14 m ago

Get him a Dog! Seriously... he will have someone to talk to, someone to …Get him a Dog! Seriously... he will have someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone to go and walk out with, and again- Someone to talk and not feel lonely!


Maybe a good idea he would meet people walking a dog, but he may not be an animal lover or may not even be able to look after it properly if he has memory problems.
Edited by: "Dyslexic_Dog" 21st Feb
Tom_Reys6 h, 34 m ago

Get him a Dog! Seriously... he will have someone to talk to, someone to …Get him a Dog! Seriously... he will have someone to talk to, someone to care for, someone to go and walk out with, and again- Someone to talk and not feel lonely!


Dyslexic_Dog4 h, 19 m ago

Maybe a good idea he would meet people walking a dog, but he may not be an …Maybe a good idea he would meet people walking a dog, but he may not be an animal lover or may not even be able to look after it properly if he has memory problems.


Yeah that's a great idea @Tom_Reys . As I don't know him or if he's capable of looking after a dog I wouldn't want to do that yet. Maybe once I've got to know him a little better I will find out if he would be ok to have a little dog or even a cat. It really is a great idea as I know a pet like a dog can be great for the mind. Thankyou but I will wait to see what his mental health is like first. I'm thinking if he has Alzheimer's or dementia he may not remember to feed the dog ect
I can't offer any advice OP,but keep us posted, what a lovely kind thing you're doing looking out for him.
Edited by: "Domthedonkey" 21st Feb
try Age Concern ageuk.org.uk/
they do a befriending service "where a volunteer visits or talks to an older person once a week in their own home"
relocate him to southwark!!

ustsc.org.uk/new…rk/

posh clubs also open in selected other locations - see websites for details.
Edited by: "seb" 21st Feb
LeahsMintytoutou6 h, 16 m ago

Yeah that's a great idea @Tom_Reys . As I don't know him or if he's …Yeah that's a great idea @Tom_Reys . As I don't know him or if he's capable of looking after a dog I wouldn't want to do that yet. Maybe once I've got to know him a little better I will find out if he would be ok to have a little dog or even a cat. It really is a great idea as I know a pet like a dog can be great for the mind. Thankyou but I will wait to see what his mental health is like first. I'm thinking if he has Alzheimer's or dementia he may not remember to feed the dog ect


Just a thought, reading this thread.

Sounds like a dubious idea about taking responsibility full time for an animal, but a possibility for your chap could be volunteering as a dog walker at a local RSPCA centre. I walk dogs at mine on a regular basis, meet some lovely people whom I think are similar to your pal. It has obvious benefits, such as the volunteer having a small commitment on their time, without the 24hr commitment needed to care for an animal and great exercise for both. It adds structure to their week, something to focus on in a positive way. The volunteers at my shelter regularly meet for a chat and a cup of tea, as friendships develop.

The very best of luck. You're doing a very good thing LeahsMintytoutou.
Edited by: "Diegobound" 21st Feb
Hey @LeahsMintytoutou have you seen this gentlemen lately? And how’s he doing?
Edited by: "Toptrumpet" 24th Mar
Toptrumpet6 m ago

Hey @LeahsMintytoutou have you seen this gentlemen lately? And hiw’s He d …Hey @LeahsMintytoutou have you seen this gentlemen lately? And hiw’s He doing


Hey yeah I've seen him a few times. I asked him if he would like to do something like the going to the meet up with similar people and play games, have chat and tea and cake etc. He didn't really answer about it but I let him know it was just an idea and he doesn't have to do anything (didn't want to scare him off incase he didn't talk any more)

ive seen him a few times since I asked him but he doesn't want to do it. He said it was a good idea but brushed it off.
I have found out out he has a son and daughter who both live out of hull but his son comes to see he a couple of times a week. So he does have family. He still goes to buy stuff a second time but I always tell him and like before he's thankful and embarrassed. He doesn't seem to want to do any of the things I mentioned though. So I'm just keeping an eye out for him when I see him
thanks for asking Toptrumpet
You never know, he might mention you to his son and your suggestion and perhaps the son might encourage him as well.
There are so many lonely elderly people out there that even just a short chat every day is appreciated.
At least you tried.
Anyway how’s the job hunting going?
Toptrumpet5 m ago

You never know, he might mention you to his son and your suggestion and …You never know, he might mention you to his son and your suggestion and perhaps the son might encourage him as well.There are so many lonely elderly people out there that even just a short chat every day is appreciated.At least you tried.Anyway how’s the job hunting going?



Toptrumpet5 m ago

You never know, he might mention you to his son and your suggestion and …You never know, he might mention you to his son and your suggestion and perhaps the son might encourage him as well.There are so many lonely elderly people out there that even just a short chat every day is appreciated.At least you tried.Anyway how’s the job hunting going?


I've not really applied for anything this month.
having some issues at home which is just making me be lazy. I'll get my umph back soon hopefully and get back on the hunt hope alls well with you?

fingers crossed he does mention something to his son and his son realises maybe something not right n maybe go see him abit more
Ps I'm heading to bed now so if I don't reply apologies and I'll reply tomorrow after work night night
All’s well with me, Son still continually pestering me to either sell or remortgage the house as he needs 120k to train to be a pilot. Perhaps I should ask on here what should I do? Or is it beyond a parents duty
I'm going to be pedantic and point out something that I noticed in one of your posts.

Dementia by the way is an umbrella term which includes the following, amongst others.

Alzheimer's disease.
Vascular dementia.
Dementia from Parkinson's disease and similar disorders.
Dementia with Lewy bodies.
Frontotemporal dementia (Pick's disease)
Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease,
etc.

Dementia is the term used to describe a set of symptoms that occur when the brain is affected by disease. Alzheimer's disease is of course the most common cause of dementia.

So, for someone to say that someone has Alzheimer's or dementia isn't actually correct as Alzheimer's is a form of dementia. Even the media tend to often make this mistake.

It doesn't really matter though, I just thought I'd point this out.

Further more, let's not assume that this gent has dementia (just yet), there are many reasons why people become forgetful, confused and/or disorientated. Infections can actually cause confusion and disorientation in some people, urinary tract infections for example can cause confusion and disorientation, especially in the elderly.

It's also normal for memory not to work well when we are distracted or concentrating on too many things at the same time. That's why memory lapses are more common if we are stressed for example. Physical and mental illness can all temporarily affect memory too.

Anxiety and/or depression can also cause memory loss. And so can lack of sleep. However, this gent, from what you've already said, does appear to be suffering from some sort of cognitive impairment such as dementia. It's possible, hence the assumption.

Also, the going into shops for items that this gent has already bought could also be a form of attention seeking. The reason why I say this is because I'm thinking that habit forming such as this could be brought on by depression, brought on by loneliness. Not surprising really, after all humans are social animals, we all desire contact with others.

Anyway, you may find the following helpful.

Talking Point is the Alzheimer's Society's forum. It has people with dementia sharing their information and advice.

alzheimers.org.uk/inf…rum

There are also several dementia charities that can also offer excellent advice and support. The leading dementia charity is the Alzheimer's Society.

And there's also Age Concern.

Maybe open an enquiry with Talking Point and/or email the above charities with all your queries and concerns. They may be able to come up with some advice on what to do in these circumstances.

Do also bear in mind that his family may already be aware that he is actually living with dementia, if he is that is. Believe it or not, some people do and can actually live independently with dementia in there own homes for some time before requiring a move into a care home, or any other form of care facility.

Good luck.
Diegobound21st Feb

Just a thought, reading this thread. Sounds like a dubious idea about …Just a thought, reading this thread. Sounds like a dubious idea about taking responsibility full time for an animal, but a possibility for your chap could be volunteering as a dog walker at a local RSPCA centre. I walk dogs at mine on a regular basis, meet some lovely people whom I think are similar to your pal. It has obvious benefits, such as the volunteer having a small commitment on their time, without the 24hr commitment needed to care for an animal and great exercise for both. It adds structure to their week, something to focus on in a positive way. The volunteers at my shelter regularly meet for a chat and a cup of tea, as friendships develop. The very best of luck. You're doing a very good thing LeahsMintytoutou.


Hi Diegobound, I'm quoting your comment as I notice you liked mine. I should have also mentioned, six out of ten people with dementia in England actually also go undiagnosed. This means almost 400,000 people could be going without vital support that services can offer.

The following are a couple of reasons why this might be.

People are afraid of dementia and rather than face the possibility someone we love has the condition, we can wrongly put memory problems down to ‘senior moments’.

Also, only around a third of adults aged over 40 agree that they understand the differences between normal signs of ageing and signs of dementia.

But if we are worried, the sooner we discuss it and help the person seek support the better.

While there currently is no cure, the right treatment and support can help slow the progression of the condition - meaning people are able to keep the person they love for longer.

gov.uk/government/news/six-out-of-ten-people-with-dementia-go-undiagnosed-2-million-campaign-launched-to-tackle-dementia
Edited by: "LemonHead" 25th Mar
LemonHead22 h, 0 m ago

Hi Diegobound, I'm quoting your comment as I notice you liked mine. I …Hi Diegobound, I'm quoting your comment as I notice you liked mine. I should have also mentioned, six out of ten people with dementia in England actually also go undiagnosed. This means almost 400,000 people could be going without vital support that services can offer.The following are a couple of reasons why this might be.People are afraid of dementia and rather than face the possibility someone we love has the condition, we can wrongly put memory problems down to ‘senior moments’.Also, only around a third of adults aged over 40 agree that they understand the differences between normal signs of ageing and signs of dementia.But if we are worried, the sooner we discuss it and help the person seek support the better.While there currently is no cure, the right treatment and support can help slow the progression of the condition - meaning people are able to keep the person they love for longer.gov.uk/government/news/six-out-of-ten-people-with-dementia-go-undiagnosed-2-million-campaign-launched-to-tackle-dementia


Two very informative posts, LemonHead.
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