Weekend jokes (allegedly)

Always think the misc is pretty slow at weekends, so thought I'd bung in a joke or two to liven the place up a bit, even at this time of night.


Original Poster

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods when they trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out of the lamp and stops them both. He says, "I don't know who called me out so I'll give you each three wishes."
The bear and rabbit both start thinking about their wishes and the bear looks at the genie and says. "Start with my wish! I want all the bears in this forest, except me, to be Females."
The genie nods and says, "I can do that." and poof all the other bears in the forest are Females.
The rabbit says, "Me next! I want a motor scooter my size."
The genie says," Alright two more." and magics out a little white scooter.
The bear says, "If you can make all the bears in this forest female, can't you the the whole country, except for me?"
The genie says, "Yeah, I can do that." and with a nod every other bear in the country turns into a female.
The rabbit looks up and says, "I'd like a little rabbit helmet please."
"Sure!" the genie exclaims and opens his hand. with a little helmet in the middle.
The bear, getting excited says, "ALL the bears in the world except for me! can you make them ALL Female?"
"Alright, but that's your last wish." and every bear including polar bears and pandas magically turn into females.
The rabbit gets into his scooter, puts on his helmet and starts the engine. He looks at the genie and says, "I wish this bear was gay."
Edited by: "boabbyrab" 19th Jun 2011

mediocre...and only because of the use of the word gay

I can only read 2 line jokes at this time of the night

Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

Original Poster

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five quid, and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £500."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out £5, and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers but to no avail.
After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her £500.
The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer £5, and goes back to sleep.

Joey Bloggsy

I can only read 2 line jokes at this time of the night

Same here. I scrolled down to MB's post and decided not to bother reading it.
Maybe tomorrow.

ye tomoz it has to be

I'm more interested to know who that is in your avatar OP.


I'm more interested to know who that is in your avatar OP.

BG1's bird

Rupz finds a jini who grants him 3 wishes
Rups first asks for all the people in the town to be changed to women
2nd wish is he asks for a mega super car

Then he thinks 'all these women, how am I gonna satisfy them?'
His 3rd wish is to have his love handle touch the ground.
Jini chops his legs off.

Original Poster

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