What are the pros and cons of marriage....financially especially?

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Found 4th Apr 2012
I'd really like to know more about this and what other peoples opinions are and if you think you're happier because you're married.

Quite a few of my mates have said that little piece of paper has changed everything and advise to stay away haha

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I find once married, it sort of gives you a sense of security and settles down lots of little issues, letting you enjoy each other better.

Banned

I say go for it if you dont mind getting little to no sex, dont mind being nagged to do DIY round the house. Oh and if you dont mind getting your wallet raped everytime you go out shopping (_;)

Although no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, the one thing I did discover with my first wife....

If your relationship is not rock solid to start with, then getting married will certainly widen those cracks, not repair them.

My second wife is a different story, rock solid before getting married and still rock solid 19 years later. For us the piece of paper did change things, but for the better.

If you're "real friendly" OP, I'm sure it will be fine.

Banned

If you want to have sex without going to hell you better get married sunshine!

Just research psychology of marriage, gives you a good idea of the potential changes.:3

Basic principle if your a team before then the team gets stronger if you aren't a team then enjoy a living hell

Banned

i think if you are waying up the pros and cons of marriage you shouldn't be considering getting married (general rule)

Download_Dave

Although no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, the one … Although no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, the one thing I did discover with my first wife....If your relationship is not rock solid to start with, then getting married will certainly widen those cracks, not repair them.My second wife is a different story, rock solid before getting married and still rock solid 19 years later. For us the piece of paper did change things, but for the better.



Totally agree, if your getting married to repair something or because others are, or because you fancy a party and a pretty dress, its not ideal and will put pressure on you.
If you getting married because your in love and want to move on with your relationship gives you much more of a chance

I'll never get married. Just seriously don't see the point. Doesn't mean you can't be happy in a loving, happy, settled relationship if you aren't married.

Gone are the days of 30-40yr marraiges. I see so many people going through sheeeet with marraiges that have only lasted 6months.

Obviously there's the odd exception. But it just doesn't mesn what it did.

Watched a video last night about a guy in america who got divorced. System had totally done him over (law might be diff here)

Cliffs on vid

Guy was a lawyer, wife 2 kids
Wife divorces him
He sees his kids 9 hours a week
Child support is more than 100% his net income (wtf)
180 day jail sentence for not keeping up with payments
Loses his license to practice law
7 days after being in jail, ex realises she's getting no money gets him released.
2 days later he's back in jail after she files papers for him to get put back in
????
don't get married.

Original Poster

Well, my girlfriend is eager to marry me and the past 13 months has been the best of her life (her words, not mine haha) but I am very aware that practically everyone I know has been divorced and it is quite daunting at the thought of being screwed financially afterwards as well.

I have been told many times that marriage does turn a serious relationship, into a much more stressed relationship but nothing else really changes, so for me, marriage isn't too important.

Original Poster

numptyj

Watched a video last night about a guy in america who got divorced. … Watched a video last night about a guy in america who got divorced. System had totally done him over (law might be diff here) Cliffs on vidGuy was a lawyer, wife 2 kidsWife divorces himHe sees his kids 9 hours a weekChild support is more than 100% his net income (wtf)180 day jail sentence for not keeping up with paymentsLoses his license to practice law7 days after being in jail, ex realises she's getting no money gets him released.2 days later he's back in jail after she files papers for him to get put back in????don't get married.



Lol that's what I'm afraid of

Get her to sign a prenup haha.

Original Poster

Download_Dave

Although no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, the one … Although no one can guarantee what will happen in the future, the one thing I did discover with my first wife....If your relationship is not rock solid to start with, then getting married will certainly widen those cracks, not repair them.My second wife is a different story, rock solid before getting married and still rock solid 19 years later. For us the piece of paper did change things, but for the better.



Very wise words.

Banned

realfriendlyman

Well, my girlfriend is eager to marry me and the past 13 months has been … Well, my girlfriend is eager to marry me and the past 13 months has been the best of her life (her words, not mine haha) but I am very aware that practically everyone I know has been divorced and it is quite daunting at the thought of being screwed financially afterwards as well.I have been told many times that marriage does turn a serious relationship, into a much more stressed relationship but nothing else really changes, so for me, marriage isn't too important.


doesn't sound like you love her to me

Original Poster

pulsex0r

Get her to sign a prenup haha.



haha I did actually suggest a prenup and she was happy with that but that doesn't apply in the UK....that's one fad from the states that we should definitely copy

Im married and don't really see the main need for it. I got married because I wanted to, but never went full out on a huge wedding as its a huge expense thats not needed. I also wanted a solid family for my children, but tbh if we weren't married the children would still have a solid family with 2 parents.

Nearly been married for 10 yrs and times do get hard, which if people were just parters and not married they could easily walk away from it all, where as if you are married you work harder to keep things strong and going smoothly.

Original Poster

fragaliciousbob

doesn't sound like you love her to me



You're definitely wrong there, it's easily been my happiest relationship and for the first time, have seriously considered marriage but no one knows what could happen in 20 years time, as people do change and the implications in this country could be devestating.

Original Poster

beth3735

Im married and don't really see the main need for it. I got married … Im married and don't really see the main need for it. I got married because I wanted to, but never went full out on a huge wedding as its a huge expense thats not needed. I also wanted a solid family for my children, but tbh if we weren't married the children would still have a solid family with 2 parents.Nearly been married for 10 yrs and times do get hard, which if people were just parters and not married they could easily walk away from it all, where as if you are married you work harder to keep things strong and going smoothly.



I do agree with that but now it's so easy to get a divorce in place, so people can walk away very easily anyway....but it just ends up being more expensive.

Pro's and Cons for me getting married....

Pro's-
Shiny wedding ring and a nice wedding outfit.

Cons-
Living with a bloke.

realfriendlyman

I do agree with that but now it's so easy to get a divorce in place, so … I do agree with that but now it's so easy to get a divorce in place, so people can walk away very easily anyway....but it just ends up being more expensive.



True, but in my eyes it would seem the hardest thing to do. But I know what you mean, expecially with legal aid too so its free for some if they come upon a 'hard time' and just take the cowards way out.

Think it's one of those things that you just have to take the leap. If you're considering it then that's a first step but you're a bit apprehensive which is understandable. You're right, nobody knows what could happen in 20 years but you could still be together in 20 years too. If you get weighed down with all these worries then it might potentially be a mistake you regret. My advice, if you've got a good girl then tie her down. Like Beth said, you're more inclined to work on things when you're married. Don't listen to all the stories about other people getting divorced, separated etc, focus on your relationship. Every couple thinks their own is unique, focus on the positive side of your relationship and that'll help you decide. Of course you'll have your downsides to marriage but if you asked most guys that are married, they would probably tell you deep down that it was the right thing for them to do. If their answer is that they're not happy and it was a mistake, then there's always things like marriage counselling that can help.
Edited by: "pulsex0r" 4th Apr 2012

If in the event of a fatal accident you would want her to be supported without awkward legal wrangles marriage would provide that cover.
If you were involved in an accident abroad with your partner you would be treated as two separate individuals and could not guarantee that your wishes would be taken into account

imo - these are not enough of a reason to get married though, especially if you already have doubts.

Financial Pros - Whats hers is yours
Financial Cons - Whats yours is hers.

realfriendlyman

Well, my girlfriend is eager to marry me and the past 13 months has been … Well, my girlfriend is eager to marry me and the past 13 months has been the best of her life (her words, not mine haha) but I am very aware that practically everyone I know has been divorced and it is quite daunting at the thought of being screwed financially afterwards as well.I have been told many times that marriage does turn a serious relationship, into a much more stressed relationship but nothing else really changes, so for me, marriage isn't too important.



Don't measure your relationship on others. you will leave friends colleagues forum dwellers etc behind and others experience does not mean diddly squat, your life, your circumstances, your relationship.
Only you two know if its right or not, if it inst, life's too short to waste your time and don't string her along.

skellysgirl

Don't measure your relationship on others. you will leave friends … Don't measure your relationship on others. you will leave friends colleagues forum dwellers etc behind and others experience does not mean diddly squat, your life, your circumstances, your relationship.Only you two know if its right or not, if it inst, life's too short to waste your time and don't string her along.


Fully agree with the last bolded bit. I have had relationships though where I was really happy but never felt the need to get married. It wasnt because I didnt care for them enough
Edited by: "WoolyM" 4th Apr 2012

Banned

Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with someone, and marriage being akin to locking the door to that room - once it's locked you can't think of anything besides the fact that you're locked in.

Personally, if things are going along swimmingly then why bother changing it? Usually it's for the benefit of others so you can show just how happy you are and get all dressed up and have a big party. Sure it looks good on facebook, but is there any real point to it?

FilthAndFurry

Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with … Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with someone, and marriage being akin to locking the door to that room - once it's locked you can't think of anything besides the fact that you're locked in.Personally, if things are going along swimmingly then why bother changing it? Usually it's for the benefit of others so you can show just how happy you are and get all dressed up and have a big party. Sure it looks good on facebook, but is there any real point to it?



Good points, more to the fact that it's seen as more socially stable and maybe a higher prestige with the association of being married. Socially more acceptable that if you have kids that an ideal household would contain parents that are married (which isn't always the case).

FilthAndFurry

Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with … Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with someone, and marriage being akin to locking the door to that room - once it's locked you can't think of anything besides the fact that you're locked in.Personally, if things are going along swimmingly then why bother changing it? Usually it's for the benefit of others so you can show just how happy you are and get all dressed up and have a big party. Sure it looks good on facebook, but is there any real point to it?



Said perfectly.

Original Poster

WoolyM

If in the event of a fatal accident you would want her to be supported … If in the event of a fatal accident you would want her to be supported without awkward legal wrangles marriage would provide that cover. If you were involved in an accident abroad with your partner you would be treated as two separate individuals and could not guarantee that your wishes would be taken into accountimo - these are not enough of a reason to get married though, especially if you already have doubts.



I'm not having doubts, as I think she's the right girl but you never know what the future holds and people change, even more so as soon as that piece of paper makes it official.

Original Poster

FilthAndFurry

Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with … Someone once described being in a relationship like being in a room with someone, and marriage being akin to locking the door to that room - once it's locked you can't think of anything besides the fact that you're locked in.Personally, if things are going along swimmingly then why bother changing it? Usually it's for the benefit of others so you can show just how happy you are and get all dressed up and have a big party. Sure it looks good on facebook, but is there any real point to it?



Yeah, that's partly how I see it, we're very happy and will be trying for a baby soon, while a wedding doesn't mean anything to me whatsoever.
To me, having a baby with someone is a much bigger commitment than marriage, as you can divorce your partner but you can't divorce your responsibilities.

realfriendlyman

I'm not having doubts, as I think she's the right girl but you never know … I'm not having doubts, as I think she's the right girl but you never know what the future holds and people change, even more so as soon as that piece of paper makes it official.



Isn't there some type of law that means even if you are not married, but have been living together for so long that people still have financial rights over each other?

realfriendlyman

Yeah, that's partly how I see it, we're very happy and will be trying for … Yeah, that's partly how I see it, we're very happy and will be trying for a baby soon, while a wedding doesn't mean anything to me whatsoever.To me, having a baby with someone is a much bigger commitment than marriage, as you can divorce your partner but you can't divorce your responsibilities.


And with a baby there are possible inheritance issues to take into account.
Thats why many feel the need to take the final step. I think if a relationship is really rock solid the certificate will not make any difference.

One thing that is certain is that ALL people change over time. Being married means adjusting to those changes or being unhappy. (thats my understanding anyway - but I am not married so may be wrong)
Edited by: "WoolyM" 4th Apr 2012

beth3735

Isn't there some type of law that means even if you are not married, but … Isn't there some type of law that means even if you are not married, but have been living together for so long that people still have financial rights over each other?



I think getting a solitcitor to draw up wills would make things easier but I am not really up on the fine details of it all.
We need MJ in here.

realfriendlyman

Yeah, that's partly how I see it, we're very happy and will be trying for … Yeah, that's partly how I see it, we're very happy and will be trying for a baby soon, while a wedding doesn't mean anything to me whatsoever.To me, having a baby with someone is a much bigger commitment than marriage, as you can divorce your partner but you can't divorce your responsibilities.




The being locked in a room, is not how it is, i have never felt locked in, i feel like i am choosing to sit in that room, and enjoy being with that person, id rather sit in there than play outside.

As for having a baby, you need to wait, its a far bigger commitment, marriage is a piece of paper that can be torn up, a baby is a whole different story.

Myself and GF have been together 11yrs this year. i understand marriage shows commitment to each other but the cost is stupid.

i guess the average wedding is £10k-£25k, and that will take you a long time to save up or a longer time to pay back!

I would prefer to use the £10-25k on house improvements, holidays etc...

In Marriage you have to give and take and work as a team if not it won't work !!
Been happily married for 18 years and looking forward to many more .:p
Edited by: "markjohnson" 4th Apr 2012

*Sloman*

Myself and GF have been together 11yrs this year. i understand marriage … Myself and GF have been together 11yrs this year. i understand marriage shows commitment to each other but the cost is stupid.i guess the average wedding is £10k-£25k, and that will take you a long time to save up or a longer time to pay back!I would prefer to use the £10-25k on house improvements, holidays etc...


You don't have to spend that much, just go get married. The rest of the charade is usually just a show is for everyone else

Banned

I don't understand why people feel the need to make a change if things are fine as they are. Being married is just one more thing to add pressure to a relationship.

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