What Tech. Support put up with!!!!

Found 24th Feb 2008
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
============== =

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah..............thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...


Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


Customer: Can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

  1. Misc
  1. Misc

Original Poster

and then there is our side.


Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?Male customer: Hello... I … Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?Male customer: Hello... I can't print.Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.


:w00t: hilarious! thank you :D:D xxx

lol there good, lucky me ive got to ring tech guys on monday and see why my pc is asking for windows to be activated when it wasnt stated when i bought it that was an oem version of windows. should be fun

my dad asked me a whilst back

"you know that internet place, is it open 24 hours a day"

ie the internet in general, i think he suspects its a building full of people just displaying the things i wanna see, lol

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.Tech support: Are you sure … Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OKTech support: Did the keyboard come with you?Customer: YesTech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

lol priceless :-D

Typical for IT support lol the stuff people come people come out with if they dont know what there doing, IT support Sucks lol!!!

....right, I'll bear that in mind if you ever look for PC assistance.


Nice one taasda as always, made me laugh !

lol brilliant

sounds like the sort of thing my missus would say :thumbsup:

we were sat eating a chinese take-away one day and she had pork and i had king prawns.......
she asked me "If pork comes from a pig, and beef comes from a cow...........what do prawns come from?"

All seems perfectly reasonable to me:whistling::)

Some good one's

My favourite has to be....

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed … This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations)."Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?""Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind. Can you move your cursor around the screen?""There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?""What's a monitor?" "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know?" "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so". Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer". "I can't reach it." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes. The office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power.... a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.""Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, unplug your system, and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer."

Original Poster


My favourite has to be....

Hope he wins as that is class.:-D


My favourite has to be....


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

my favourite lolololool

LOL sounds like a typical day to me!!
My best one was ...
ME -- can you go to start for me
CUSTOMER - silence for few minutes then "I cant find it"
ME- Bottom left of your screen
CUSTOMER - Ohh i was looking on the keyboard!!

CMR -- I need some help setting up my email account
ME- I have no record of your account with us.
CMR-- IM not with you im with Wanadoo
ME- well madam you need to ring those
CMR WHY? Cant you help me
ME - ermm * baffled** not really madam they are your isp providers and you need the email account set up
using there details.
CMR-- Starts ranting and slams down phone!

CMR- I dont have a connection to the internet
ME- are you trying to install the disc to register?
CMR - yes but its not working
ME- ok what are you actually doing
CMR- i got your disc
ME- So you unplug the phone and plug in the rj11 lead?
CMR-Noo DO I HAVE to!?
ME-Erm yes sir how else are you going to get online ...
CMR-Right so do i need a computer
ME - YES SIR are you saying you dont have a computer either??
CMR- NO i dont
ME- what are you putting the disc into?
CMR- i dont know thats why im ringing you
CMR- Oh cant i do it without?
ME -NOoooooo

(these are genuine calls ive taken!)

Kelly - that one's a bit of a myth, it did happen but the guy who was giving the tech support wanted to say the comment at the end but didn't. By memory his partner (who he eventually married) was a good friend of the lady he was giving tech support to:


Sadly I've been through the stupid tech support calls from both ways, a family member had a dead Packard Bell laptop that when powered up would briefly flash the lock lights and then power down...nothing else. It had suffered a serious hardware failure but when the owner had phoned tech support she had been told to rebuild the laptop first and then call back if it didn't work despite the fact the machine wouldn't even power on. I phoned back for her, calmly explaining the various symptoms (no fans, no optical drive, no hard drive activitiy, no screen) and that the laptop was fullly charged etc. As expected, that went nowhere and I was stuck with 40 minutes of troubleshooting, listening to see if the machine was booting into windows, trying to get into the bios all of which unsurprisingly failed. Eventually tech support conceded it was going to have to come back in for repair, I did point out that I had said this from the start and it was rather obvious from the symptoms but the reply was simply they had to troubleshoot the problem.

As support myself I took a call about a missing folder that they wanted restored from backup which was easy enough as the system at the time reliably backed up files regularly and they were easy to retrieve. As usual I asked the person to send a mail with the details of where the folder was so I could find and restore it. The problem started there pretty much, the folder was apparently called 'Archive' and only a vague location where they thought it might have been which was near the top level of the drive. A consistent problem I have along with many other techs is that I'm not psyhic but it never fails to surprise me how many people seem to think we know exactly where every single file is...this system has around 8 terabytes of files! I called back to try and get some more detail on what this folder was however only other vague locations were given, I tried reading out the various archive names I'd found but that wasn't them. I pulled up the backup logs and started reading through all the folders with archive in the name, then the directories above that, in parallel, then every folder name pretty much in that area but still no sign of this deleted folder. As I was approaching the two hour mark on this I had pretty much resorted to banging my head on the table, the user couldn't even give me much information about what was in the folder in terms of filetypes, 'records' apparently. Then I had a lifesaver, someone had a shortcut to the folder in question which they sent on...it turned out the file wasn't a folder, it was an Excel file, it wasn't called archive (nor did it have that in the name) and it wasn't even anywhere near where they said it was!


Jeb at weakendproductions.co.uk/mov…tml could have been modelled on practically any technical support monkey; (but to look like me he'd have to be round and hairy :oops: )
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