Who Says Men Don't Remember Anniversaries plus other jokes

    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their
    bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

    She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front
    of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

    She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    Whats the matter, dear? she whispers as she steps into the room, Why are
    you down here at this time of night?

    The husband looks up from his coffee, I am just remembering when we first
    met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back
    then? he says solemnly.

    The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring, so
    sensitive. Yes, I do she replies.

    The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. Do you remember when
    your father caught us in the back seat of my car?

    Yes, I remember, said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues. Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in
    my face and said, Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail
    for 20 years?

    I remember that too she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says

    I would have gotten out today.


    Lol very funny :thumbsup:

    Original Poster


    Wanda’s dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she
    had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, “I’ll leave the key
    under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I’ll
    mail you a cheque .”

    “Oh, by the way don’t worry about my bulldog Spike. He won’t bother you.
    But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my
    parrot!” “I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!”

    When the repairman arrived at Wanda’s apartment the following day, he
    discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But,
    just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching
    the repairman go about his work.

    The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant
    yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn’t contain
    himself any longer and yelled,

    “Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!”

    To which the parrot replied, “Get him, Spike!”

    See - Men just don’t listen !

    lol made me laugh

    Original Poster

    I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
    A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice,
    A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, and A 1 lb. package of bacon.
    As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check
    out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
    While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk
    calmly stated, “You must be single.”
    I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was
    intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six
    items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual
    about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
    Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: “Well, you know what,
    you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?”
    The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

    Original Poster

    Woman’s secret to a happy marriage - Good One !!
    > >
    > >There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60
    >They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had
    >kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a
    >shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband
    >never to open or ask her about.
    > >For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day
    >the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
    > >In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the
    >shoe box and took it to his wife’s bedside. She agreed that it was time
    >that he should know what was in the box.
    > >When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money
    >totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.
    > >“When we were to be married,” she said, “my grandmother told me the
    >secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I
    >ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.”
    > >The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
    >precious dolls were in the box.
    > >She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living
    >and loving. He almost burst with happiness......
    > >“Honey,” he said, “that explains the dolls, but what about all of this
    >money? Where did it come from?”
    > >“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling all the dolls...”
    > >Women will love this...............
    > >A Prayer.
    >Dear God, I pray for :
    >Wisdom to understand my man;
    >Love to forgive him;
    >And Patience for his moods;
    >because God, if I pray for Strength,
    >I’ll beat him to death

    good ones :thumbsup:

    Bob works hard at the office but spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.

    The doorman at the club greets them and says, “Hey, Bob! How ya doin?”

    His wife is puzzled and asks if he’s been to this club before. “Oh no,” says Bob. “He’s in my bowling league.”

    When they’re seated, a waitress asks Bob if he’d like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

    His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, “How did she know that you drink Budweiser?”

    “I recognize her, she’s the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the first nine, honey.”

    A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, “Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?”

    Bob’s wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She’s screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every four-letter word in the book.

    The cabby turns around and says, “Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.”
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