why are mother in laws so nasty??????

83 replies
Found 20th Feb 2010
my mother in law and my brother in laws partner came over this morning, i left the room she thought i had gone upstairs but i was putting clothes on the raditar on the landing. i could hear her slagging me off to my brother in laws partner using f;s and all other offensive words. i was really shocked as she is lovely to my face, but what makes me mad is i havent done nothing wrong. i was going to go in to confront her but i didnt want to upset my children. what im really angry over is the language she used infront of my children as they were in the room when she was stabbing me in the back. as anyone been in a sitution like this before, what should i do as i dont want to cause arguments.

  1. Misc
Groups
  1. Misc
83 Comments

Banned

i would have slung her straight through the door, the cheeky cow

Mod & Ed

Ban them from the house, my oh has banned his mum and new husband cos of their attitude

imo bite your tongue, I know she was rude if it was your own mother then it would be different best speak to your hubby to ask him to speak to her about the language used in front of the kids more than anything

They're not all nasty. She sounds like a nightmare though! Does your hubby know?

walk in nice and calm, then when she least expects it punch her out then drag her out side and tell her where to go

Original Poster

sassie;7898746

i would have slung her straight through the door, the cheeky cow



my blood was boiling, i didnt want to start an anrgument because my children are so sensitive and they would have got so upset.

Banned

bargain buyer;7898761

my blood was boiling, i didnt want to start an anrgument because my … my blood was boiling, i didnt want to start an anrgument because my children are so sensitive and they would have got so upset.



then be all nice and as she is leaving walk out with her, and ask her why she spoke about you like that and tell her she is no longer welcome at your home

punch her in the overies lol

I wouls have marched in, sent the kids to do something and confronted her!!

Cheeky mare

I'm lucky though my Mil is lovley

wickedteen;7898757

walk in nice and calm, then when she least expects it punch her out then … walk in nice and calm, then when she least expects it punch her out then drag her out side and tell her where to go



dont think thats the most sensible idea :lol:

Original Poster

scabbers;7898755

They're not all nasty. She sounds like a nightmare though! Does your … They're not all nasty. She sounds like a nightmare though! Does your hubby know?



thats the funny thing about it i thought she was lovely untill today calling me sweetheart and darling, im glad really at least i know whats she is really like.

aah96;7898780

dont think thats the most sensible idea :lol:


Has plus points though....

jennybubbles;7898785

Has plus points though....



:lol:

I would say the truth.. get the problem on the table.
speak to her one on one say

"i was putting clothes on the raditar on the landing and I heard you swearing about me to monica (lets call your brother in laws partner ). Is everything ok?"
don't clench your fist.. as you might be tempted.. just be calm and see her reaction.
You need to deal with it while the iron is hot .. get it out in the open.. just you and her. dont get your OH involved yet.. its his mum after all.. thats a bond on another level.

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Original Poster

i am still shocked to be honest, i have called my eldest daughter who is 9 and asked her what she was on about and she started crying, she said she was on about the kids still in there pyjamas, and that i was a lazy b**** who couldnt give a F*** about my daughters as they were having there breakfast at 10 am. and all other things were said. they came here at about 9.45am. on a saturday we sort of have a lay in as i work days and other half works night and we both have weekend off. but when i say lay in we get up at 8.30am instead of 6 lol.

I feel for you. My m-i-l used to be super lovely until we had children, then she said some unretractable things about me, TO MY HUSBAND _ HER SON!!!, and now I can't (read: WON'T) see her at all. He goes there once a month with the children, out of duty, but it's not fun. She's never apologised, and continues to say horrid untrue things to anyone who will listen, always unfounded and about me. I see it as her loss really. I don't need another mother and have enough friends. She's lost out seeing the children every day, and she used to look after one whilst we were at work. She sees them now for one hour (or less) once a month, and it's horrid and awkward for hubby. I've been ostracised from the family (in-lwa family), and they seem to think I am upset about it. I'm not. I'm hurt by the things she said, as they couldn't be further from the truth, and were especially hateful. But I'm not the one who's lost anything!

I would definitely have to have a word about the foul language in front of the kids though, that's just unacceptable. Maybe you can find a way to explain that, so she knows you heard what she said without you having to say 'I heard you talking about me'. And best of all, act like you just don't care what she thinks of you, I find that tends to make them more irritated!

Good luck

x

Original Poster

i can see what happens now tho when she comes down on her own she has a go about my brother in law partner (tania)so she is most probs doing the same with me to her. but i know for a fact that tania wouldnt say nothing about me she would have just sat there. think she a bit scared of her.

I dont think this can be ignored but you have to be diplomatic as well.
If your kids go round her house are they going to hear bad language for that alone i would be concerned. I do wonder though if she thought they couldnt hear, if they were playing a game etc. It would seem strange for her to swear if they thought she didnt normally.
Not sure theres any point in getting your OH involved as he would feel stuck in the middle but i would mention it to him.
Perhaps the next time you are having a coffee together just ask her if she is alright or if you have done anything to upset her as you thought she seemed a bit distant or something when she visited you last. I dont think i would mention you heard the actual words as it would be hard for her to get out of that one.
Do you get on with the sister in law to ask her?
At the end of the day some people are just born nasty. If she prefers the other daughter in law for whatever reason you may never live up to her expectations. Whatever happens i would not let it come between you and your OH as at the end of the day this woman is his mum and he will be protective of her as well as you.
Good luck.

Banned

me and son still in our pjs now, saturdays is dossing day here, if we want to go out we get showered and changed, if we dont then we sit around in pjs, also we eat when we want to at weekends, so can be any time for breakfast, lunch and dinner, ide hate to hear her talk about me - lol

bargain buyer;7898838

i am still shocked to be honest, i have called my eldest daughter who is … i am still shocked to be honest, i have called my eldest daughter who is 9 and asked her what she was on about and she started crying, she said she was on about the kids still in there pyjamas, and that i was a lazy b**** who couldnt give a F*** about my daughters as they were having there breakfast at 10 am. and all other things were said. they came here at about 9.45am. on a saturday we sort of have a lay in as i work days and other half works night and we both have weekend off. but when i say lay in we get up at 8.30am instead of 6 lol.

Original Poster

Penny Saver;7898840

I feel for you. My m-i-l used to be super lovely until we had children, … I feel for you. My m-i-l used to be super lovely until we had children, then she said some unretractable things about me, TO MY HUSBAND _ HER SON!!!, and now I can't (read: WON'T) see her at all. He goes there once a month with the children, out of duty, but it's not fun. She's never apologised, and continues to say horrid untrue things to anyone who will listen, always unfounded and about me. I see it as her loss really. I don't need another mother and have enough friends. She's lost out seeing the children every day, and she used to look after one whilst we were at work. She sees them now for one hour (or less) once a month, and it's horrid and awkward for hubby. I've been ostracised from the family (in-lwa family), and they seem to think I am upset about it. I'm not. I'm hurt by the things she said, as they couldn't be further from the truth, and were especially hateful. But I'm not the one who's lost anything!I would definitely have to have a word about the foul language in front of the kids though, that's just unacceptable. Maybe you can find a way to explain that, so she knows you heard what she said without you having to say 'I heard you talking about me'. And best of all, act like you just don't care what she thinks of you, I find that tends to make them more irritated!Good luckx



i havent told my OH yet because i know he will go MAD, he would go down her house and kick off, and his step dad is handy with his fists so i realy dont want it to get out of hand. im just dont know what to say to her as im quite a shy person lol the type who dont stick up for themselves

Just read your earlier bit, may be worth asking her to ring next time as well before she comes round. Tell her the kids love having a lazy Saturday morning.
Thank god she's not my mother in law, mine is brilliant as long as she can see we are all happy she couldnt care less what the kids are wearing or what the house looks like.

Original Poster

Goofeys Girl;7898886

I dont think this can be ignored but you have to be diplomatic as well.If … I dont think this can be ignored but you have to be diplomatic as well.If your kids go round her house are they going to hear bad language for that alone i would be concerned. I do wonder though if she thought they couldnt hear, if they were playing a game etc. It would seem strange for her to swear if they thought she didnt normally. Not sure theres any point in getting your OH involved as he would feel stuck in the middle but i would mention it to him.Perhaps the next time you are having a coffee together just ask her if she is alright or if you have done anything to upset her as you thought she seemed a bit distant or something when she visited you last. I dont think i would mention you heard the actual words as it would be hard for her to get out of that one.Do you get on with the sister in law to ask her?At the end of the day some people are just born nasty. If she prefers the other daughter in law for whatever reason you may never live up to her expectations. Whatever happens i would not let it come between you and your OH as at the end of the day this woman is his mum and he will be protective of her as well as you.Good luck.



the children were eating there breakfast on the dining table so she most probs thought they werent listening

No offence OP, but i'm sure this is an episode off shameless

Original Poster

they only came over because we are the only ones with the internet and they wanted me to order a few things off my ebay account, which i did after i heard her saying those things im kicking myself now i wish i had said that the net was down

I'm sorry but I wouldn't stand for that. I would pull her aside and ask her what her problem is. tell her if she doesn't like the way things work in your house then not to bother visiting. I would also kindly tell her if she used language like that in front of your children again, you won't be quite so polite next time.

Original Poster

transit;7898959

No offence OP, but i'm sure this is an episode off shameless



i know tell me about it, ive never been in this postion before and dont know who else to ask, my mum aient answering her phone so cant ask her lol. if i was going to say something i wanted to do it today i dont want to leave it till tomorrow. but i really dont know how to go about it without offending anyone

bargain buyer;7899012

i know tell me about it, ive never been in this postion before and dont … i know tell me about it, ive never been in this postion before and dont know who else to ask, my mum aient answering her phone so cant ask her lol. if i was going to say something i wanted to do it today i dont want to leave it till tomorrow. but i really dont know how to go about it without offending anyone



What i mean is your outlaws sound rough as..........;-)

bargain buyer, dont worry. be good. if someone is rude, they always get whats coming.. karma is a bia.
dont change the way you are because of it.

Getting up at 8.30 ... hats off to you.

she shouldnt swear like that infront of the kids though.. you do need to address it. thats terrible.

Original Poster

but why has she done it jealousy o what because i have never done nothing wrong

Original Poster

5nowman;7899025

bargain buyer, dont worry. be good. if someone is rude, they always get … bargain buyer, dont worry. be good. if someone is rude, they always get whats coming.. karma is a bia.dont change the way you are because of it.Getting up at 8.30 ... hats off to you.



lol she has never worked in her life, they are a bit rough actually i think my OH is the only decent fresh smelling one out of all the in laws lol. except his real dad and his wife they are really lovely well to my face anyway

bargain buyer;7899028

but why has she done it jealousy o what because i have never done nothing … but why has she done it jealousy o what because i have never done nothing wrong



Lol its the old mother thing "you'll never be good enough for my son "

i have had all of this before with my fellas family all the talking behind your back and nicey nicey to your face. i got that fed up with it that in the end i let them know i couldnt give a stuff what anyone thought of me and my family were him and the kids and thats all that mattered you should of seen the look on there faces COMPLETE SHOCK!!!as i am usually quiet. i once had it when we were camping and my eldest was kicking off coz she didnt want the roast dinner i had made so i simply told her it was tuff she either had it or nothing and my sister inlaw tried to have ago at me right in front of the kids because i have always bite my tongue with her and no i had had enough so my head swung at super speed and i literally screamed at her saying and what the fs it go anything to do with you. and again she hasnt tried it since no way and i going to put up with it then again after 11 years i do think you get to the stage where you think stuff them lol.

mother in laws are a nightmare! mine can be awful, personally i would ignore it but from now on treat her with politeness but no friendlyness and dont go to see her! whatever u say will be wrong and it will be so hard on your other half having to take sides!

transit;7899061

Lol its the old mother thing "you'll never be good enough for my son "



yep very right my own mum does it about my brothers other half.

Banned

lol i really dont think causing a massive rift and refusing to let her see the grand children is the way forward.......contrary to others opinions all it does is affect the kids ......dont burdone them with your problems it will only affect them later in life

have a word and ask what the problems are

Original Poster

thanks everyone. i think i will go and get the car keys i will sis to wait in the car just incase it gets out of hand lol

bargain buyer;7899095

thanks everyone. i think i will go and get the car keys i will sis to … thanks everyone. i think i will go and get the car keys i will sis to wait in the car just incase it gets out of hand lol



Uh oh, this is gonna end in tears :shock:

i'd pull her but in a sweet way, it will un nerve her...politely say that she is entitled to her opinion of you...but please refrain from language in front of the children...

Original Poster

casparwhite;7899089

lol i really dont think causing a massive rift and refusing to let her … lol i really dont think causing a massive rift and refusing to let her see the grand children is the way forward.......contrary to others opinions all it does is affect the kids ......dont burdone them with your problems it will only affect them later in lifehave a word and ask what the problems are



thats why i didnt want to say anything at the time really as the kids were there, and my OH would have started and his step dad etc. so this is what im going to say to her. " have i done something to offend you as i overheard you taking to tania earlier saying not so nice stuff about me infront of the children. if i have done something wrong would you please come to me first before discussing it infront of the children" hopefully she will say sorry, and i will ask her to keep it between us as i dont want to start a problem as it would upset the children. do you think that would be ok??????

http://kingmagic.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/shameless.jpg
Post a comment
Avatar
@
    Text
    Top Discussions
    1. What's you favourite 60s 70s 80s song ?983227
    2. I want to talk about the WEATHER no politics no religion19247552
    3. Sony announce £35,000 PlayStation Pro bundle...1115
    4. Just heard this...2 ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★ congrats to all on 392k ★★★★★★★★★★★★★★7769183

    See more discussions