Why does my best male friend always blow hot and cold with me?

141
LocalFound 16th May 2017
I have been best friends with him for 8 years and he blows hot and cold with me for no reason. He doesn't open up to me properly and then stops communicating with me for weeks. He will then eventually call me and continue as if nothing has happened. It drives me mental and he knows this!!.... Why oh why does he do this????
Community Updates
Misc
Top comments
It could be that you might be part of the problem

Most of us men find it difficult to communicate effectively especially with the opposite sex because most times we are misunderstood

I'm no expert but having worked with a lot of women for over 12 years I learned to keep my thoughts to myself and just listen with one ear whilst keeping the other ear open to allow some words to escape unheard
snowflake75

I have and he just clams up


Does he like listening to Judy Garland or Liza Minnelli ???
snowflake75

he's married, I'm single



Leave him alone then
snowflake75

he does like me... he's told me, but he's not wanting a committed … he does like me... he's told me, but he's not wanting a committed relationship. he tells me he loves me and respects me. He buys me gifts and I don't ask for them. he's already bought me a diamond ring and diamond earings. He knows I love him.


But he didn't give you a pearl necklace and thats cruel (_;)
134 Comments
Boo hoo, I'll swap with you, I'll take your friend you can deal with my ex.
does he secretly like you?
What kind of question is this for hotukdeals haha? You'll be better off looking on a website/forum dedicated to that type of stuff...
prynolfc

What kind of question is this for hotukdeals haha? You'll be better off … What kind of question is this for hotukdeals haha? You'll be better off looking on a website/forum dedicated to that type of stuff...


hotukdeals.com/help

Miscellaneous is a place to list anything that doesn't fit into the other … Miscellaneous is a place to list anything that doesn't fit into the other categories, including questions, general chat and links to deals or opportunities that do not involve products or services.

He sounds very selfish and does what he wants without informing you. I know a few others who gets this and they just put up with it but if you don't like it do what you think is best for you.
Original Poster Banned
nah ... he's a keeper no matter what x
It could be that you might be part of the problem

Most of us men find it difficult to communicate effectively especially with the opposite sex because most times we are misunderstood

I'm no expert but having worked with a lot of women for over 12 years I learned to keep my thoughts to myself and just listen with one ear whilst keeping the other ear open to allow some words to escape unheard
You r his best friend but he is not urs. He will always be like that. So if you don't want to get hurt, make new friends and forget about him. He doesn't care about your feelings or he wouldn't pretend 'as if nothing happened'. So, put simply, he is not ur friend, must be using u for something, some reason I guess. That's my take on it. Hope this helps
Are you fit?
He likes you and so as far as the talking goes, he doesn't like the fact he has to hear about your days without him being in them. The reason he goes off and comes back is because he tries to move on but can't.
Original Poster Banned
what do you mean
women are way worse
Original Poster Banned
arcangel111

does he secretly like you?



​he does like me... he's told me, but he's not wanting a committed relationship. he tells me he loves me and respects me. He buys me gifts and I don't ask for them. he's already bought me a diamond ring and diamond earings. He knows I love him.
Original Poster Banned
ritchiedrama

Are you fit?



​what do u mean
Original Poster Banned
helpoi

he's gay



​he's definitely NOT gay!
It sounds like he's been friend zoned by you.
That would certainly explain his behaviour.
Why don't you just have this conversation with him instead of a load of random people u will get the answer your looking for as no one here is going to have a clue on what the deal is
Original Poster Banned
popz14

Why don't you just have this conversation with him instead of a load of … Why don't you just have this conversation with him instead of a load of random people u will get the answer your looking for as no one here is going to have a clue on what the deal is



​I have and he just clams up
He's thoughtless and he will never change after 8 years (_;)
Original Poster Banned
hoodr40

It sounds like he's been friend zoned by you.That would certainly explain … It sounds like he's been friend zoned by you.That would certainly explain his behaviour.



​nope
snowflake75

I have and he just clams up


Does he like listening to Judy Garland or Liza Minnelli ???
Maybe he is in love with you but feels conflicted about it. Are you both single?
Original Poster Banned
hoodr40

Maybe he is in love with you but feels conflicted about it. Are you both … Maybe he is in love with you but feels conflicted about it. Are you both single?



​he's married, I'm single
snowflake75

he's married, I'm single



Leave him alone then
snowflake75

he does like me... he's told me, but he's not wanting a committed … he does like me... he's told me, but he's not wanting a committed relationship. he tells me he loves me and respects me. He buys me gifts and I don't ask for them. he's already bought me a diamond ring and diamond earings. He knows I love him.


But he didn't give you a pearl necklace and thats cruel (_;)
He doesn't like you that much but he's keeping you on the back burner in case. Maybr he might feels a bit guilty about this so he buys you gifts occasionally.
Respects you=doesn't want to f you.
Sorry.

Edit: I missed he was married wtf do you expect.
Edited by: "Cr0m" 17th May 2017
If he's married, he obviously has feelings for you and doesn't want to loose his wife by acting on them. Don't waste any more time chasing a dream that will probably never happen. Find someone who loves you and is willing to commit to you 100%
Original Poster Banned
Error440

Leave him alone then



​why should I? ... he's my best friend. he's always there for me. More so than any loser I've ever dated. He's a good man and a keeper.
Original Poster Banned
tomarter

If he's married, he obviously has feelings for you and doesn't want to … If he's married, he obviously has feelings for you and doesn't want to loose his wife by acting on them. Don't waste any more time chasing a dream that will probably never happen. Find someone who loves you and is willing to commit to you 100%



​true x
Original Poster Banned
summerof76

But he didn't give you a pearl necklace and thats cruel (_;)



​not around my neck X)
Original Poster Banned
Error440

Boo hoo, I'll swap with you, I'll take your friend you can deal with my … Boo hoo, I'll swap with you, I'll take your friend you can deal with my ex.



​I ain't swapping
snowflake75

He doesn't open up to me properly and then stops communicating with me … He doesn't open up to me properly and then stops communicating with me for weeks.



snowflake75

he's my best friend. he's always there for me.



He may be your best friend but that doesn't make him a great friend and he clearly isn't there for you all the time which you stated and is one of the reasons you started this thread.

He is what he is so accept it and create a healthy relationship to him based on how he actually is.
Human dynamics are complicated but if we are brutally honest with ourselves about what is really going on and what we really require it makes it a lot easier.
I have friends that I love dearly that I have distanced myself from because we grew apart and I found their behaviour unappealing.
People who can't communicate and can't be relied upon are low priority no matter if I love them or if they are family.
You've got to look after yourself as nobody else can.
snowflake75

why should I? ... he's my best friend. he's always there for me. More so … why should I? ... he's my best friend. he's always there for me. More so than any loser I've ever dated. He's a good man and a keeper.



Because he's married, stop being a selfish wannabe home wrecker and go chase someone who's available. But remember this what goes around comes around, if he does cheat on his wife and eventually end up with you, enjoy the rest of your life looking over your shoulder waiting for him to do the same to you, and chasing people who are taken is not a desirable trait either, so he'd probably be looking over his shoulder too. A wonderful relationship built on mistrust and home wrecking.
ccannell

Dress as Princess Leia for the office Xmas party. Works every time. He'll … Dress as Princess Leia for the office Xmas party. Works every time. He'll nail you to the headboard all weekend, and have his family executed by Serbian hitmen for the insurance money for sure.



I've got a feeling the OP is used to being a Princess (_;)
You said you couldn't have male friends.
snowflake75

what do u mean



Nevermind..
Original Poster Banned
Error440

Because he's married, stop being a selfish wannabe home wrecker and go … Because he's married, stop being a selfish wannabe home wrecker and go chase someone who's available. But remember this what goes around comes around, if he does cheat on his wife and eventually end up with you, enjoy the rest of your life looking over your shoulder waiting for him to do the same to you, and chasing people who are taken is not a desirable trait either, so he'd probably be looking over his shoulder too. A wonderful relationship built on mistrust and home wrecking.



​who said anything about me being a home wrecker???... He is entitled to have female friends regardless of whether he is married or not!!...Stop jumping to conclusions and stop judging me. You have absolutely no idea about our friendship!!

PEACE OUT!
Error440

Because he's married, stop being a selfish wannabe home wrecker and go … Because he's married, stop being a selfish wannabe home wrecker and go chase someone who's available. But remember this what goes around comes around, if he does cheat on his wife and eventually end up with you, enjoy the rest of your life looking over your shoulder waiting for him to do the same to you, and chasing people who are taken is not a desirable trait either, so he'd probably be looking over his shoulder too. A wonderful relationship built on mistrust and home wrecking.



Oh, I should have read down. Still can't have male friends, but the chasing is the other way round to what was stated in the previous post.
Original Poster Banned
ritchiedrama

Nevermind..



​I'm 5 ft 4 and blonde

Sorry, commenting is no longer available on this discussion.

Top Discussions