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    Woman's Version of T'was The Night Before Christmas

    Woman's Version of T'was The Night Before Christmas

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    Original Poster

    T'was the night before Christmas and all through the
    kitchen;
    I was cooking and baking and moanin' and b****in'.
    I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest.
    This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
    Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
    They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need?!

    My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
    The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
    There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
    frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.

    Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
    my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
    I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
    Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.

    He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
    then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
    He looks all around and with total regret,
    says, "What's taking so long ... aren't you through in here
    yet?"

    As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
    He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
    He flees from the room in terror and pain
    and screams, "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"

    Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
    Oh darn it's the pies! They're burned all to hell!
    I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
    but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.

    What else can go wrong? Is there still more ahead?
    If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
    Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
    It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.

    But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
    You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
    I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
    and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!

    Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!

    http://i40.photobucket.com/albums/e202/belovedangels/Christmas/MJZ1689.gif

    mod

    Yeah right. Try being the bloke who does all the cooking? We are not quite as psycho as a woman in the kitchen.
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