Chuck Norris is so hard ... - HotUKDeals
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Chuck Norris is so hard ...

Scribbles Avatar
9y, 2w agoPosted 9 years, 2 weeks ago
C'mon! Let's have some fun.

... he lost his virginity before his dad did

Let's have 'em ...
Scribbles Avatar
9y, 2w agoPosted 9 years, 2 weeks ago
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#1
lets not but pretend that we did;-) lol
#2
Chuck Norris visited the Virgin Islands last year. They are now merely known as "The Islands" :giggle:
#3
Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the world each month, intern they each bleed for half a week
#4
Chuck Norris doesn't have a chin, underneath his beard is just another fist.
#5
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a man so fast and hard that he instantly reappeared 10 seconds before the event. Both Chuck Norris' then proceeded to roundhouse kick the man to death. The reason Chuck did this was that the man had inferred that he was second best to Jack Bauer
#6
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
banned#7
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris isnt afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of chuck norris
#8
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
#9
#10
http://themolitor.files.wordpress.com/2007/09/norris-ninja.jpg
#11
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried
#12
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
#13
A blind man once accidentally stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" he said. The mere mention of Chuck's name cured the man of his affliction. Sadly, Chuck Norris was the first and last thing the man ever saw, as he was promptly dispatched by a fatal roundhouse kick to the throat
#14
Chuck Norris was originally cast in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed after beta testers noticed an apparant bug that caused every button to perform a roundhouse kick. When asked about this in an interview, he exclaimed "bug? That was no bug"
#15
Chuck Norris invented BBC, ITV, Channel 4, and Sky.
He had nothing to do with Channel 5 though.
#16
when filming enter the dragon,
bruce lee walked into the dojo where chuck norris was training,
not noticing anyone was there, bruce let out a little fart,
chuck stopped doing his c*ck pushups, and told bruce-
"If looking at me made you lose your sh*t string, then when I give you chin pie you'll sh*te yourself"
#17
Someone been listening to Scott Mills?
#18
MinstrelMan
Someone been listening to Scott Mills?


hope ur not on about mine?
I modified a superbike magazine joke from 3 months ago,
(woman walks in to jewellers and farts etc)

I listen to music not radio, anyhow.

And how come everyone enjoyed everone elses quips,
(though most are old)
and mine gets ripped....oh well...

anyway minstrel man......mmm...minstrels..chocolate...
where is your funny?
not seeing it.....
OH I GET IT, you listen to radio 1, lol (rolls about laughing)
suppose you text in to bone idol as well,
and phone up daytime tv quizzes,

I'd rather listen to heather mills false leg and listen for reverb....

oh well...

still not seeing it...
#19
oh, I seem to remember my missus on about some DJ stealing
Howard Stern and Jack Black clips,
you mean the c*ck pushups one , where he phones sum woman and man askin' what they're doin', and goin' in the fridge.
I have the originals,
scott mills is a tail coat riding loooser, (possibly even just a tail rider!!)
.....urgh....I give up.....tough crowd.....bring on the fighting midgets I'm dying on my own out here.
#20
Someones had waaaaaay to much sugar, get off your soapbox fool not all comments are aimed at you.

I was talking about the thread in general, made just as these random facts from chucknorrisfacts.com were being read out.

Dont you now feel like a complete tool?
#21
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought the baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day.
#22
Chuck Norris once ordered 500 Beko 32WLK530HID from musthave100 They arrived Next Day Special Delivery... :giggle:
#23
kemo
Chuck Norris once ordered 500 Beko 32WLK530HID from musthave100 They arrived Next Day Special Delivery... :giggle:


You forgot to mention that he got 90% cashback on Quidco :giggle:
#24
When Chuck Norris uses Paypal, they pay him 3.4%.
#25
MinstrelMan
Someones had waaaaaay to much sugar, get off your soapbox fool not all comments are aimed at you.

I was talking about the thread in general, made just as these random facts from chucknorrisfacts.com were being read out.

Dont you now feel like a complete tool?


I'd only feel bad if u responded with a chuck norris funny......
but no.....
not seeing it....

The police stopped Chuck Norris speeding on the highway,
the officer approached, noticing God sat in the back seat,
Chuck stared the officer down and calmly said poking his thumb at God
"he drives too slow"
#26
killersuzuki
I'd only feel bad if u responded with a chuck norris funny......
but no.....
not seeing it....

The police stopped Chuck Norris speeding on the highway,
the officer approached, noticing God sat in the back seat,
Chuck stared the officer down and calmly said poking his thumb at God
"he drives too slow"

http://www.motor-cross.ca/taxi-jun03.jpg
#27
Browni
http://www.motor-cross.ca/taxi-jun03.jpg

TAXIIIII:giggle:
#28
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
#29
killersuzuki
I'd only feel bad if u responded with a chuck norris funny......
but no.....
not seeing it....


There's nothing to be ashamed of listening to the lovely Scott Mills... he has me in stitches every evening on my way home from work. Embrace him, don't be embarrassed...

And stop being so touchy! :p :giggle: ;-)
#30
love_a_bargain
There's nothing to be ashamed of listening to the lovely Scott Mills... he has me in stitches every evening on my way home from work. Embrace him, don't be embarrassed...

And stop being so touchy! :p :giggle: ;-)


I may seem to read as if I'm nasty, I try to be witty end up being witless
I try a play on words and end up pooing on them.....oh well.

RESPECT to the 2 taxi shots......takes me back I remember when Luc Besson had integrity....Sylvester Stallone bit part....Cissi/Cissiaa/Ceesee...that footballer...
bit parts spoilt the last 2 movies.

now to think of a chuck funny....(thinking)...(tryin' to be original).....

You cannot use red eye reduction on chuck norris photos.....nah

roumered he has 5 p*nises and has 6 in a bed romps, the girls say he fits like glove... nah

..cannot think...I give up...
banned#31
Chuck Norris didn't need to create a fan base, the internet did it for him.
#32
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world who can speak braille
#33
Chuck norris killed 2 stones with one bird
#34
Chuck Norris can drive a Nascar round left and right turns.
#35
killersuzuki
Chuck Norris can drive a Nascar round left and right turns.

what.......nascar??? wtf
[admin]#36
Nascar is American stock car racing :roll:
They race in an oval, so only take left turns. (Except for in road racing, where they can turn either way, which kind of pees on killersuzukis' joke bonfire.....)

Don't worry, I didn't find it funny either and I understood the joke :|:)
#37
Carefull you'll get a load of abuse about the most random of stuff.
[admin]#38
:lol: Bring it :)
You'll look after me, won't you butt munch? :)
#39
Me? I find him worrying, he seems very "go into work with an automatic rifle take out 17 people before turning it on himself - esque" to me
[admin]#40
:|
Oh crikey... we're in trouble then.... Golden Hour!!???

[SIZE="1"]who's chuck norris [/SIZE]:giggle:

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