What time does your 18 year old have to be home for at night?

32
Found 15th Feb 2015
So my son turned 18 yesterday and seems to have come to the conclusion that he no longer has house rules to follow (same thought as his mother by all accounts) As a general enquiry what time does your 18 year old stay out till on a night? on the flip side, anyone who is nearer 18 than me. ..what time do you have to be home?
thanks

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Whilst they are an adult as they are still living under your roof there has to be rules. A friend of mine has be be home no later than 12 then bed as people have to be up in the morning etc. 12 is late enough except perhaps weekends when 2-3 May be a good curfew or no curfew on weekends as every 18 year old loves to party. That way people get sleep and you know they are safe. However whilst the rules are there to be followed. Don't be too strict on them with the curfew. If they are home late just explain to them the reasoning and that being an adult has responsibilities.
Also midnight for mine unless they let me know they may be late beforehand. They are still kids at 18 even though they may not think so.
Well I was 18 about a year or so ago. Did not really have a curfew as such but usually had to be home on week days around 11ish latest. And weekends anytime as long as I had a spare key and said generally where I was going for the evening
It generally depends on how sensible your 18 year old son/daughter is. For example, I had no curfew but I always let my parents know where I was.
Wow - just wanted to show some big respect to the above members in being responsible parents (and TheBoss96 in being a respectful, understanding teen)

Wish there were more of you

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philphil61

Wow - just wanted to show some big respect to the above members in being … Wow - just wanted to show some big respect to the above members in being responsible parents (and TheBoss96 in being a respectful, understanding teen)Wish there were more of you



Thanks mate I'm not even a parent yet lol only 24 but good to see that I don't talk rubbish lol.
I had no curfew but never disrespected my parents house Aslong as I let them know a rough time I would be back I was ok to come and go as I wanted x
Simple. Your house. Your rules. Remind them when they help pay all the bills and the mortgage etc then they have a say. They soon tow the line. Set a reasonable curfew and stick to it. If they are going to be late then they must contact you asap so as not to leave you worrying.
I had to be back by 10:30 - 11 in the week as was still at sixth form. Then weekends was whenever as long as they knew where I was and who with.
My son is now twenty four. At eighteen he was at college, so we never really had fights about being out late through the week, he knew he needed his sleep! At the weekends I allowed him to stay out as late as he wanted, as long as he told me beforehand exactly where he was going and when he would be home. I also expected him to phone me if his plans changed.

I was lucky though in the respect that he was a sensible teenager re drinking etc, like myself and never hung around with a bunch of people or dodgy characters. If he had mates I didn't trust it might have been a different story.
At 18, we all think we are indestructible and grown up.
At 40 we know we weren't, but now think we know what's best for all 18 year olds, but we have selective memories. We forget what it felt like at 18, to be treated like kids.

We need to treat 18 year olds with respect and as adults.

It's not hard and fast rules they need - it is guidelines and flexible, respectful rules.

I knew a 35 year old woman who lived with her mum. She wasn't allowed boys in her room. At 35. An extreme example of a failure to change from a parent - child relationship but even at 18, you have to start adjusting the relationship. They're old enough to move out, marry, join the armed forces, and anything else in between. So "it's my house, my rules" shows issues with needing to continue to be in control.


Not meant as a criticism but there is a middle ground to letting someone live in your house and run rough shod over you, or maintaining an iron grip over their choices.
Depends on work/studies.
At that age there will be pubs/clubs/parties where they might do an all nighter.
Its more about respect about noise and who they bring home than an actual time, and making sure they are safe.
Edited by: "cootuk2" 15th Feb 2015
You could lay rules but being home and in bed at a certain time is a bit much for someone that is 18.
I didn't have a curfew but I always had to let my mum know where I was and how I was getting home.
When my daughter was 18 I kicked her out to university. So no bedtime rules!
So long as the 18 year old wasn't noisy when returning home and letting us know that they expect to be out late then I wouldn't place a curfew. They're young adults and should be aloud to be responsible for themselves to some degree, However they should also respect your house rules, However harsh that maybe.
i can only echo what a few people on here have put

my son is 15 and he doesnt hang around streets, and is only ever out with family or in friends houses so has no time to be in, he makes a judgement call himself and we let him know whether we think it was slightly late for his age and explain why, he's a sensible kid and takes notice and never takes the P out of me or his mum(he'd only do it once).

I was always being given strict rules by my mum when growing up and just completely rebelled against everything, had to be in by 9, stroll in at 12 and see what the consequences where(often a grounding, which when ended led to me staying out till 1 or 2 to get the most out of my 'free' time...heh)

certainly dont use the 'its my house, its my rules' line, that sort of rule had me moving out when i was 16 years old
It has nothing to do with how old someone is, 12, 18, 21, 26, 45 or whatever. Most parents care for their children and love them. Similarly, a brother, sister, cousin, parent etc. So, the issue is about worrying. Funnily enough, the further away they are; the more independent they are - students or whatever the less you worry but the chances of them staying out till all hours has probably increased. You don't love them any less or care for them any less - you just worry less. The chances of them coming to any harm doesn't really diminish although the chances of you being able to help should they come to harm does diminish.
So, I have concluded that the "feelings" I have about this stage in life are my feelings and I can choose how to feel whatever I want. The problem then becomes about how these feelings are expressed to your loved ones. If you give an impression that you don't give a damn then neither will they. As others have said, it is all about mutual respect. You have to respect their freedoms whilst they have to appreciate how naturally worried you are despite their increasing maturity. With modern communications there should be nothing which prevents informing others of changed plans due to circumstances.
didn't have curfew because I didn't come home smashed and let her them know where I was. if he doesn't go out much let him stay out as long as he wants.
I didn't have have a curfew while growing up. My mother didn't really set rules for us,looking back on it.

But I always let her know when I'm home. with having mobile phones as cheap as they can be. Communication is the best way to make a parent known you're safe.

Being 18, rules should he in place. But nothing to strict.
*Text us around 11-12 to let us know what's happening
*don't forget your key
*try be quiet entering the house at late hours

Just the usual common sense rules. Wish my brother was smart enough to understand that. 4 am and it sounds like an elephant ran through the house
I would say it all depends on the trust.

Your house....your rules.....if they don't like then they should get their own place.....
Banned
Dominatez

Simple. Your house. Your rules. Remind them when they help pay all the … Simple. Your house. Your rules. Remind them when they help pay all the bills and the mortgage etc then they have a say. They soon tow the line. Set a reasonable curfew and stick to it. If they are going to be late then they must contact you asap so as not to leave you worrying.




^
This
Banned
I'm 17 and I'm not allowed out with friends after 9
mkbhd

I'm 17 and I'm not allowed out with friends after 9



Strict.
what time did he have to be home at 17? does he still go to school? if so, common sense during the week, then maybe 2am on the weekend (explaining that any later and you'd worry). pubs shut at midnight most places so that's more than reasonable imo.
Edited by: "espirit77" 15th Feb 2015
Original Poster
Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well in gcse and went on to do A Levels at university, failed every single exam with a "U" mark! Now he is doing a diploma course in the same studies yet 2 weeks ago his tutor rang telling us he is failing them as well as he doesn't do his assignments. We also found out recently that at 17 years of age he was drinking on average 30 pints a week + spirits and smoking £20-£30 of weed a week.
As he is my step son I put my foot down and told the wife that he was to be home no later than 12.00 on a school night and no later than 12.30 on a weekend until we felt he could be trusted not to kill himself or his future. That lasted roughly one night then he was back doing what the hell he wanted with his mother's permission. Now he has hit 18 he and his mother think that he is an adult and can live here with no rules at all, stay out all night without a call to say to let us know what is happening, and come in at whatever time he pleases. Obviously this is causing huge friction in the home between me and her! If I say no she says yes etc. I have raised him for 16 years and now it's as if I don't have an opinion because it's my step son. This is why I was asking here so I can advise before I approach her with the thread
Original Poster
Also I just want to add the money he spends on drinking and weed is the money he earns. On the other hand, he pays no rent and his mother pays everything for him, so he has roughly £100- £130 a week to himself to spend.
Banned
sdoherty1000

Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well … Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well in gcse and went on to do A Levels at university, failed every single exam with a "U" mark! Now he is doing a diploma course in the same studies yet 2 weeks ago his tutor rang telling us he is failing them as well as he doesn't do his assignments. We also found out recently that at 17 years of age he was drinking on average 30 pints a week + spirits and smoking £20-£30 of weed a week.As he is my step son I put my foot down and told the wife that he was to be home no later than 12.00 on a school night and no later than 12.30 on a weekend until we felt he could be trusted not to kill himself or his future. That lasted roughly one night then he was back doing what the hell he wanted with his mother's permission. Now he has hit 18 he and his mother think that he is an adult and can live here with no rules at all, stay out all night without a call to say to let us know what is happening, and come in at whatever time he pleases. Obviously this is causing huge friction in the home between me and her! If I say no she says yes etc. I have raised him for 16 years and now it's as if I don't have an opinion because it's my step son. This is why I was asking here so I can advise before I approach her with the thread


must be a very difficult situation for you, it's very important that you approach the issue sensitively but something clearly needs to be done about it.
Personally, I think the best course of action would be to stop him from going out at all during the week, until his grades come up.
But coming from someone who's currently at the 2nd best sixth form in the UK, his grades will not come up unless he wants them to. You can make him want to by providing some sort of incentive, or taking something away from him until he sorts his academic life out.
Banned
sdoherty1000

Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well … Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well in gcse and went on to do A Levels at university, failed every single exam with a "U" mark! Now he is doing a diploma course in the same studies yet 2 weeks ago his tutor rang telling us he is failing them as well as he doesn't do his assignments. We also found out recently that at 17 years of age he was drinking on average 30 pints a week + spirits and smoking £20-£30 of weed a week.As he is my step son I put my foot down and told the wife that he was to be home no later than 12.00 on a school night and no later than 12.30 on a weekend until we felt he could be trusted not to kill himself or his future. That lasted roughly one night then he was back doing what the hell he wanted with his mother's permission. Now he has hit 18 he and his mother think that he is an adult and can live here with no rules at all, stay out all night without a call to say to let us know what is happening, and come in at whatever time he pleases. Obviously this is causing huge friction in the home between me and her! If I say no she says yes etc. I have raised him for 16 years and now it's as if I don't have an opinion because it's my step son. This is why I was asking here so I can advise before I approach her with the thread


it's also important that you and the mother support him. Check up on what assignments he has, and make sure he actually does them.

It is as much the mothers fault as it is his.
sdoherty1000

Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well … Let me give you some background on my 18 year old step son. He did well in gcse and went on to do A Levels at university, failed every single exam with a "U" mark! Now he is doing a diploma course in the same studies yet 2 weeks ago his tutor rang telling us he is failing them as well as he doesn't do his assignments. We also found out recently that at 17 years of age he was drinking on average 30 pints a week + spirits and smoking £20-£30 of weed a week.As he is my step son I put my foot down and told the wife that he was to be home no later than 12.00 on a school night and no later than 12.30 on a weekend until we felt he could be trusted not to kill himself or his future. That lasted roughly one night then he was back doing what the hell he wanted with his mother's permission. Now he has hit 18 he and his mother think that he is an adult and can live here with no rules at all, stay out all night without a call to say to let us know what is happening, and come in at whatever time he pleases. Obviously this is causing huge friction in the home between me and her! If I say no she says yes etc. I have raised him for 16 years and now it's as if I don't have an opinion because it's my step son. This is why I was asking here so I can advise before I approach her with the thread



hmmmm........ my advice would be take him to volunteer at a homeless or detox center one weekend. he will see the reality of what it looks like to throw your life away on drugs and drink. he may feel he won't end up there, but you and his mum won't continue to support him forever, and excessive drink and drugs is a one way street - unless he bucks up his ideas and makes some major changes. i used to drink a lot at that age, but only after i'd done all my school/uni work.

failing that, sign him up for the TA to learn some discipline, and to get a sense of purpose.
Edited by: "espirit77" 15th Feb 2015
Original Poster
Some good advise here guys thanks
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